


Tomorrow Came

by somerainyday



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: 03x09 Spoilers, Baby, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-09-01 02:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 86,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8602846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somerainyday/pseuds/somerainyday
Summary: "There will come a time when you believe everything is finished; that will be the beginning." - Louis L'AmourIt happened at the worst time. It happened when everything was falling apart. It happened to two broken people who didn't even realize how badly they needed it.





	1. Before You

**Author's Note:**

> This is in no way following the current story. I suppose it is a product of my denial. A coping mechanism for what has happened so far this season. Just something fun I was playing around with in my head. <3

Mistake. 

It's a simple word. A word that is often carelessly thrown around and one that holds a wide range of meaning. Some are simple; easy to fix. Others are slightly more complicated. They take a bit more understanding, a bit more forgiveness to overcome. The remaining few fall into a category that Frank is all too familiar with. Unforgivable. So much so that _mistake_ may not even be the correct word. He was no stranger to the term, just as he was no stranger to being unforgiven. No matter how hard he tried, he'd come to terms with the fact that some mistakes really do turn out to define you. 

His entire life he had no trouble fucking everything up. It's just what he did. It happens a few times and it becomes expected. Trouble at school, trouble at home, so no one is shocked when trouble with the law comes next. He wasn't sure why people were fine with that being his status quo. So often he didn't remember the events that led up to the moment he moved a little further past the point of no return. Still, he moved. He moved beyond the love of his family, beyond the love of a woman, and even beyond the love of himself. He'd taken every good thing in his life and burned it to the ground.

In the beginning, he'd done the same when it came to her. The whole thing was a mistake. Yet another careless act and one he'd pay for the rest of his life. He didn't want any part of it. This wasn't supposed to happen. Frank was fine with how his life was going. He was miserable, self-deprecating, and some days as nasty as his attitude made him feel....but all of that was familiar. Shutting everyone and everything good out protected him. Caring was a liability that he couldn't afford. She was a liability he couldn't afford. 

_She._

He had done so much. Wronged so many people. He'd been responsible for lives that had never gotten a chance to live. He'd gone so far down the path to ruin, yet as he sat by helpless, he realized, choosing to care or not care was never in his control. The need for her came to him as natural as the need for breath. He didn't want to need anything. He didn't want his survival to depend on anyone other than himself. 

As he sat there, he knew he would gladly pay. Oh, how he'd pay. Frank had been perfectly content to accept his fate until she showed up and completely broke him. Shattered him. The very brief sight of her had brought him to his knees. He'd found himself begging a God he wasn't entirely sure even existed, or if He did, Frank wasn't sure that God even wasted time noticing someone like him. Still, he begged. He pleaded. _Don't make her pay for the things I've done. Don't make her my lesson. Please._

Frank had no idea how he, with everything inside him tarnished and so far beyond repair, could be partly responsible for something so completely perfect. The science he could understand. He and Laurel had sex and created life. That was easy to comprehend. Beyond that, he had no understanding of just how someone with as many demons as he could create something so purely perfect. He didn't want to love her. He didn't want to admit that she had taken bits of his heart he didn't even realize he had left. He didn't want to admit that he belonged to her now. If there was an ounce of him that could be redeemed it belonged to her. 

Frank sat outside the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit and cried. Openly cried and silently poured his heart out to whatever entity might be listening. He had never felt more torn in his entire life. Leaving Laurel to follow their baby girl was the hardest thing he'd ever done. If his heart could be ripped in two, that was the moment it happened. The knowledge that he deserved every horrible thing a place like this could throw out was not lost on him, but they didn't. One didn't deserve to grow up without a Mother. She didn't deserve to grow up not knowing just how wanted and loved she was by the most perfect woman he'd ever known. The other didn't deserve to suffer the pain and agony of losing her child. He'd fucked up so tremendously, but in his mind, he couldn't reconcile Laurel or this tiny miracle they'd created being ripped from him. He had never felt more selfish in his life, but he couldn't survive without both of them. 

"Mr. Delfino?" 

He looked up to see a man in a white coat standing in the doorway. His face unreadable. Frank found himself standing in front of the man in a matter of seconds. He had to know something, anything. "How is...." 

"She's stable," the Doctor explained. 

It was as if the very air had been knocked out of his body. _She's stable. She's stable. She's stable._ Frank had prepared himself for what he believed he deserved. He'd prepared himself to lose the only reason he kept going. The only reason he kept trying to right his many wrongs. He'd prepared himself to never look into Laurel's eyes, eyes that had captured him from the very first moment, again. He'd prepared himself to lose someone he hadn't even gotten to know yet, but that he loved more than anything in the world.

He couldn't speak. He could barely hear for all the thoughts running through his head. The doctor's words were clear, easy to understand, but Frank couldn't make himself focus. Laurel was in an operating room fighting for her life and his baby daughter was in a NICU in a condition he wasn't even certain of. _Heart rate dropped dangerously low during labor....emergency c-section....cord wrapped tightly around her neck.... uterine atony...no word on Mom yet..._ Frank allowed the weight of what he'd just heard to finally hit him and he could no longer stand. He sat down in the nearest chair and let every emotion he'd felt the past few hours take him wherever they may. 

Emotions had never been his thing. He pushed them away. Avoided them at all costs. This, however, was far beyond his control. The love he felt for that tiny girl lying helplessly in the intensive care unit was the greatest thing he'd felt in his entire life. It was more powerful than his strongest resistance. So powerful that Frank quit trying to fight it. He couldn’t. He simply sat there and let it out. He cried for every mistake he'd made, for everything he'd thrown away, and for how fucking much he loved that precious baby girl and her Mother. 

The doctor gave him time. Standing by silently as if he'd done this many times before. Frank was certain he was no stranger to seeing grown men at their weakest. "Would you like to see her?" 

Frank got himself together and simply nodded at the brilliant mind that had saved his daughter. The miracle worker. Frank had never been one to believe in miracles until now. She was the greatest miracle he'd ever encountered. He followed along into the NICU and washed up as instructed. As he walked through the sliding glass doors he was met by the scariest conglomeration of sights and sounds. 

He tried his hardest to avoid looking at the other little ones as he passed by bed after bed. So tiny, yet already fighting harder than he had ever fought in his life. So much stronger than he could ever hope to be. So resilient. Emotions continued to wreak havoc on his mind until suddenly it all stopped. Suddenly, it was quiet. There were no words. 

Frank would have known her anywhere. In a room of a thousand babies exactly her size, he would have known her instantly. He wasn't sure he was even breathing as he slowly walked up to the bed that was keeping her temperature regulated. The various lines and equipment hooked up to her so scary, yet he wasn't afraid. Awestruck, overwhelmed by the instant flood of unconditional love he felt for her, but not afraid. 

He reached out to touch her tiny hand with the tip of his finger. She looked so fragile, yet she had a strength about her that he'd only seen in one other person. "God, you look like your Mom." She was beautiful. Breathtakingly gorgeous. So strikingly perfect that it was hard for Frank to imagine half of her came from him. He was partly responsible for this perfect little being. Everything about her was flawless. As he counted ten fingers, he was amazed at how tiny her fingernails were. Amazed to see a perfect person this size. Her little nose and mouth was uniquely Laurel. She didn't have much hair, but what she had was the same color as his. The only feature on her that he could say she got from him. He smiled as he saw she still had her little legs curled up against her, used to being in a womb for 37 weeks and not yet aware she had room to stretch out. He touched the bottom of her tiny foot as he counted ten toes. He couldn't wait for Laurel to see her. Laurel had to see her. 

He couldn't take his eyes off her. In that instant he knew he would do everything in his power to be enough for her. He'd never been able to keep it together for anyone else, not even Laurel, but for her he would do anything. 

It had been a long road. One he wasn't proud of. One that wasn't good enough for this angel he couldn't stop looking at. He and Laurel had hurt one another. They had caused one another so much unnecessary pain. When he first learned of Laurel's pregnancy, she was completely closed off to his involvement. Wes had just passed away and she was angry. Closed off and angry. She had yelled and screamed. She had hit him. She broke down sobbing. Her pain so palpable that Frank couldn't take it. It wasn't the way in which she grieved; she could hit him a hundred times if that would help her. It was watching it happen that Frank couldn't handle. It was hearing her cry that Frank couldn't handle. She wanted and needed to blame someone for what happened. Frank accepted that she'd chosen him. She didn't want anything to do with him and at the time he was fine with that. A baby's life was nowhere Frank believed he needed to be. It would be a long time before he forgave himself for his reaction to the news he was going to be a Father. That reaction had caused so much heartache and in the end mostly for him. 

In time he'd gotten himself together, reached out to Laurel, hoping she'd give him one more chance. He promised her that he'd be there and be a Father to their son or daughter. Or at least do the very best he could. That was the day he learned it was a baby girl. _And I hope to God, she's never treated the way you've treated me! The way you just left like it was nothing. Like I was nothing._ Laurel's words had stung. They weren't wrong, but they cut him deeper than anything had before. Already, Frank knew he would do anything to make sure this little girl never felt pain and certainly not from someone that didn't deserve her. Having and loving this baby girl with his whole heart and soul was his penance. 

Slowly, Laurel had warmed up to his involvement. Eventually, she even welcomed it. He'd attended a few doctor's appointments, trying his hardest not to fall in love with the little person on the ultrasound screen. He tried not to fall in love with the little person that kicked like crazy when Laurel ate her beloved cookie dough ice cream she seemed to crave most of her pregnancy. He tried not to fall in love with the little person that would sleep in the crib that he assembled when Laurel asked him to. He tried so hard _not_ to love her.

What had seemed so wrong at the time was now crystal clear. Everything they'd been through made perfect sense. The feeling of seeing Laurel again after months of separation. The pain in her eyes as he told her she shouldn't have come, shouldn't be there. The desperation as they'd made love again and again, knowing that every time it was only going to make the inevitable that much worse. They never said the words, but it was understood. _I love you. I'm sorry for everything and I love you._ This perfect little person was the unspoken. She was the _I love you_ that was never uttered that night in Coalport. 

"She's beautiful," a nurse smiled. "Doing very well considering the rough delivery she had." 

Frank smiled through more tears as he continued to stare at her. He'd never been more scared in his life. Laurel had been in labor for what seemed like days. It had been a little over 10 hours, but it felt like much longer. Watching her in pain for that long had been agony, but he'd never left her side. She made it to 8 centimeters dilated before the trouble started. Everything happened so fast that Frank was still having a hard time remembering every detail. He remembered the rush of medical staff that seemed to work in a unit much like a machine. He remembered being told the baby was in severe distress and they were taking Laurel for an emergency c-section. 

The one thing he would never forget was the look of terror on Laurel's face and the promise he made to her that everything would be ok when he didn't know if he believed that himself. The hardest thing he'd ever done in his life was follow the NICU staff when he knew Laurel was still in surgery and bleeding far more than she was supposed to be. He heard the panic in the nurse's voice as she called the blood bank for more blood. Aside from those details, he was clueless as to what was going on in that operating room. 

He leaned down and kissed her tiny head. Until now, he had no idea just how terrifying a 6 pound person could be or just how much he could love. She didn't even have a name yet, but she had already changed his entire world. "How long will she be here? When can her Mom see her?" The thought that Laurel, who had dealt with so much and fought so hard to protect this little life, hadn't gotten to see her yet broke his heart. He felt wrong for being there, seeing her first, but he knew Laurel wouldn't want her to be alone.

"She'll be here through the night at least," the doctor explained. "She's requiring a tiny bit of oxygen. We're also giving her some IV fluids until she's able to feed. She's still breathing a little fast, but I expect that to resolve before morning. It's already improved in this short amount of time. Her chest x-ray looked good. She just had a rough entry, but I expect her to transition normally from here on. She should be able to go home when Mom does if all goes as it should." 

Most of what the doctor explained may as well have been in a foreign language to Frank, but he understood that their baby girl was going to be ok. He heard his phone alert him of a text message and quickly grabbed it from his pocket to see who it was at this hour. Michaela. _Laurel out of surgery. In ICU, but doing okay for now. Room # 3004. How's baby?_ It was the middle of the night and the majority of the people they knew were home sleeping and would find out the news in the morning. Not surprisingly, Connor, Michaela, and Asher had taken up residence in the waiting room and promised to be there for Laurel so he could go with the baby. That gang had always gotten on his nerves, but when one of them had something going on, they stepped up. 

He snapped a few pictures of the baby with his phone and made a short video. Neither were how Frank wanted Laurel to meet their daughter, but they were both stable. In the grand scheme of things that is all that mattered. He touched one of her hands again with the tip of his finger and she instantly wrapped her tiny hand around it. Frank leaned down to give her another kiss. "I gotta go see your Mom now. You keep gettin' better so you can get out of here. I love you." Loving her was as easy as breathing. Leaving her, on the other hand, was proving to be more difficult than he thought. If it was this hard to leave her in the NICU, Frank had no idea how he was going to live by a custody arrangement where he could go full days between seeing her. He couldn't think about that at the moment. He refused to.

Frank managed to pull himself away from her so he could go to Laurel. He'd spoken to her Mother earlier in the evening, but she wasn't going to be able to come from Mexico for a couple more weeks. Laurel had requested he not even call her Father. His mind was an endless loop of thoughts. Worry about Laurel, the baby, what would happen in the future, even the absurd thought of Laurel changing her mind about wanting him around. He'd gone from trying his hardest not to get attached to not even wanting to leave the room she was in. 

He exited the elevator and immediately saw Michaela and Asher in the waiting room. Connor had apparently succumbed to exhaustion at some point and went home. "They wouldn't let me back to see her," Michaela explained. "I did get a nurse to update me. I had to threaten her, so try to avoid the gray haired one, she..." 

"Michaela," Frank interrupted. 

"Right, sorry," she replied. "The nurse said she lost a lot of blood during surgery. They had to give her 4 units of blood to replace what she lost. Her uterus wouldn't contract back down like it's supposed to or something so she just kept bleeding. Not a medical student here, so I have no idea about all of this. Anyway," she said, looking over at Asher. "Did she tell us anything else?" 

"Just that she was stable and they got the bleeding stopped without doing a hysterectomy," he explained. "It sounded pretty bad, dude." 

Frank couldn't even process all that he'd just been told. He needed to get to her and see for himself that she was alive and breathing. He quickly thanked Michaela and Asher and got the first nurse at the desk to allow him back into the Intensive Care Unit. This unit far less colorful and welcoming than the one their daughter was in. He found her room right away and let himself in. 

He heard the familiar beeps that he had just left in the other unit. Only these weren't quite as easy to stomach. The room was dim, but he could see her perfectly. "You must be Frank." He looked up to see a nurse hanging something on the IV pole next to the bed where Laurel slept. 

"Yeah," he replied. 

"She's been asking for you," she explained. "She's still in and out of it from the medicine she had during surgery. I also just gave her something for pain." 

Frank pulled a chair over next to her bed and sat down. Aside from feeling the baby kick, they had limits when it came to getting too close to one another. It was Laurel's request and he respected it. It had gone out the window while she was in labor, but that was an exception. He didn't care anymore. She could kick him out, tell him not to come back, but he felt as if he'd almost lost her. No one was saying that, but he knew enough to know how serious her condition had been and still was. He gently stroked her hair as he watched her sleep. 

"She's doing much better," the nurse explained. She busied herself by hanging another unit of blood, something Frank couldn’t even think about. "Her uterus wouldn't contract back down after the baby was delivered like it was supposed to. Due to that she lost a lot of blood. She had 4 units of blood in surgery, I'm hanging one more now, and we'll check her blood counts in a few hours. She's also had quite a few drugs during surgery to help stop bleeding and one to help stabilize her blood pressure. She's not going to feel the best for a bit, but she's doing much better than when I first received her from surgery." 

He couldn't even think about what would have happened if he'd lost her. The thought of being solely responsible for their little girl and not having her terrified him more than anything ever had before in his life. There was no way he'd survive. As long as she was in the world, he could handle anything. But without her..... "She's good now though, right? Won't happen again?" 

"We're going to watch her very close through tonight and tomorrow. If she doesn't have any trouble and her blood counts come up and remain stable, then she'll move to the Postpartum Unit." 

Frank wasn't sure how long he sat there watching her sleep. Afraid if he stopped, she'd suddenly quit breathing and be ripped from him again. Laurel was the big thing he never saw coming. He had no idea when he saw her that first day of class that she would take his entire world and turn it upside down. He'd fallen so hard and so fast for her that he never really stood a chance. She had him from moment one. 

He woke the second he heard her stirring next to where his head rested on the bed. He didn't know how long he'd been out, but he could see the first hint of light in the sky through the window so it had been a couple hours at least. Worry instantly hit him when he realized he'd been asleep and hadn't checked on the baby in several hours. Her nurse had his number and promised to alert him of any changes, but still he worried. A feeling he knew he should probably get used to. 

"Laurel..." He said softly. She slowly opened her eyes, trying to focus in the dim room. He had his hand resting on the pillow next to her head where he'd fallen asleep gently stroking her hair. Contact with one another hadn't been a normalcy for a while, but fear won out and he ignored any stupid rules between them. She winced as she cleared her throat, whimpering when the pain of doing so reached her incision. He had so much he wanted to say to her, but every thought he had left as soon as her eyes met his.

He'd never been so thankful to see those blue eyes as he was in that moment. She might have been in labor 10 hours, had emergency surgery, and had a good portion of her blood volume replaced, but she was as beautiful as ever. He leaned in and kissed her cheek before resting his head against hers. "We got a beautiful baby girl," he whispered. Gentleness had never been his strong suit except when it came to Laurel. That side of him was reserved only for her. Frank knew he was probably crossing lines, but almost losing her took any cares he may have had about it away. He just didn't care anymore. 

"Is she...." Her voice was barely above a whisper. Weak from all she had been through and from having a breathing tube down her throat during surgery. "Frank...." 

He leaned up so he could look at her once again. "She's...." He quickly got his phone and pulled up the pictures. There were no words, he just wanted to show her. He held the phone for her and showed her each picture he'd taken. The awe and amazement as apparent on her face as he knew it had been on his. "God, Laurel, she's perfect. 6 pounds. Doc said she's breathin' a little fast, but it's already better. Just had a rough time at first with everything that happened." 

He reached over to the bedside table and got the card with her footprints on it the nurse had given him. "Look at these," he smiled. "Thank God she has your feet, huh?" They were the smallest feet he'd ever seen. He didn't even like feet, but baby feet were hard to resist. 

Laurel smiled. "Yeah, she didn't need your Fred Flintstone feet...." 

Frank laughed. "Ah, there's my girl. I knew she'd come out eventually." 

"Ow," Laurel said as she placed her hand on her stomach. "Don't make me laugh." 

"Sorry," he said, trying not to laugh. "I'm sorry." 

Laurel grew quiet as she looked over the pictures Frank had taken again. It wasn't long before he noticed the tears falling. "Laurel, hey...." 

"I just want her here," she cried. "I haven't even held her yet. They just took her to the NICU where they poked her with needles. She has no idea what happened to her other than she doesn't hear my voice or my heartbeat anymore...." 

"Laurel," Frank whispered again. "She's ok. I promise. See this bed here? Keeps her warm. She was sleepin' the whole time I was with her. She's exhausted as you are." He could tell that pacified her somewhat. It killed him seeing her upset. He'd never been very good seeing her cry. At first, he wasn't sure either of them would exactly fit into the roles of parents. Laurel had without any problem at all. She was going to be the best Mom. She didn't believe it, but Frank had no doubts. "You gotta name her, ya know...." 

"Claire..." She said tearfully. _Claire._ They had discussed names a few times, but had never really settled on anything. Frank never had any intentions of having an opinion when it came to her name. Whatever Laurel decided on was fine with him. 

Frank took one of her hands in his. "Claire," he said. "Goes well with Castillo." 

"No," Laurel said. "Delfino. She's your daughter." 

He didn't know what to say. Months ago, they had this discussion and Laurel let him know in no uncertain terms that the baby would have the last name Castillo. She would have primary custody, they weren't together, so she wanted the baby to have her last name. Frank didn't argue. He didn't deserve to give this baby his last name. All he cared about was getting to be a part of her life. That was it. He just wanted a chance, everything else he could live with. "Laurel...." 

"Do you not want...." 

"'Course I want her to have my last name," he assured her. "Just don't know what to say." She was on a lot of medication, so Frank decided they would need to revisit this conversation before any papers were signed.

For the next few minutes they were content to sit in the silence. It wasn't awkward or forced. Frank felt like this was where he was meant to be. "Probably need to call and check in on Peanut..." 

"Peanut?" Laurel smiled. "Of course, you'd already have a nickname for her."

"She's so tiny, Laurel," Frank said. He held his hands apart to demonstrate just how little she was. "I thought I was gonna break her." 

Laurel reached out, taking hold of his hand and interlocking their fingers. "You won't. Go see her. I can't yet, but that shouldn’t stop you." 

"I'll go back when you can go." He meant that. He wasn't going to see her twice before Laurel got to see her once. For the first time in a very long time it didn't feel strained between them. They were so used to being careful of one another's feelings that they got nothing accomplished. They had done so much damage, hurt one another any way they could. Until now, Frank was pretty certain most of it was irreparable. 

Who knew all it took was a 6 pound baby girl.


	2. Wanted You More

Laurel believed that a heart had limits. It's not what you read in the story books or see in movies, but in reality......hearts had limits. There was only so much a person could love another.  

It'd been that way in her own life. Her Father loved her, sure. Deep down Laurel knew that. He loved money and his own greed more. Her Mother loved her as much as she possibly could, but her own demons put limitations on her that couldn't be helped. Laurel wasn't mad or bitter about it, it was just a fact. Her brother also loved her, but he had his own life to live and she understood that. There was a time she let it bother her. When she'd see how other families behaved, it was glaringly apparent that her family was different. There seemed to be no solution, so she had done the only thing she could do. She'd built walls to protect herself from further disappointment.  

It worked for her. It kept her guarded and safe. The few times she'd let her guard down heartache eventually crept in. Frank, she was slowly figuring out, was the love of her life. That person you have to have in your world in some form to survive. Everything about them was passionate; all or nothing. From the moment they met, it was electric between them and Laurel knew she'd never experience what she felt for him with anyone else. She was never meant to. The harsh reality is, just because you know that about yourself doesn't mean it just magically works out. She and Frank had never figured out how to make it work and keep it working. 

Then there was Wes. Sweet Wes. One of her dearest friends and confidants. At times it still took her breath away when someone mentioned him. It was a profound loss, one that she was sure she'd never truly get over. Her memories were slowly shifting from so painful she couldn't bear them to being able to smile when she thought of something he'd said or done. If there was a silver lining to be found in such a tragedy, it was that their once divided group had become so much closer. Wes would have loved that. It was simple with him, but he wasn't Frank. Her heart had never been able to open in quite the same way.  

For a long time, Laurel didn't understand why she couldn't have one thing in her life that came easy. She wondered why she continued to struggle with Frank when an uncomplicated Wes was right in front of her. She tried to fight it, but it was a battle she never won. Laurel often questioned her choices. She often wondered if there was more she could have done, more she could have said, more she could have tried. She had accepted the fact that she'd never know and had dealt with as much of it as she could. Carefully reconstructing those walls that would keep her heart safe. 

And then _she_ came and Laurel lost her heart completely.  

Claire Rosabella Delfino. 

6, pounds 4, ounces and 18 inches of pure Heaven.  

Laurel had no idea she could love anything as much as she loved her baby girl. Just when she thought she had an understanding of it, she realized she had no idea. She had been clueless to the fact that nothing else in the world would matter the second that sweet miracle came into her life. She had no idea; she couldn't have. She was the answer to every question or doubt that had ever plagued Laurel's mind.  

It was the kind of love that consumes a person. The kind of love that takes their whole heart and gives it to someone else. The kind of love that leaves them powerless. Laurel knew she'd fallen the second she saw her tiny girl. There was no fighting it, stopping it, or even trying to hang on to some tiny bit of her heart for protection.  

The first time she held Claire in her arms Laurel could do nothing except cry. What she felt in that moment was so unbelievably overwhelming that crying was the only outlet. With Claire came a realization unlike any other. Everything that happened to her, every terrible disappointment, every way her parents had failed her had never been her fault. It was truly their loss.  

Laurel knew there was absolutely nothing Claire could ever do to make her stop wanting to be the best version of herself _for_ her. Nothing Laurel had ever done warranted some of the things she'd suffered. The fact that Claire had only met Frank's parents fell on her own parents. Laurel had placed the ball in their court and what they did with it had nothing to do with her.  

Even more emotional, was the first time Laurel saw Claire in Frank's arms. He looked at their baby girl with complete adoration and everything made sense. Everything they had been through, every struggle, every painful moment had lead to her. Laurel was certain it would never make sense to her. She would never understand how two imperfect people could create something so intricately perfect. No matter if they ever figured out how to make their lives work together or not, Laurel would forever love him because of the miracle they'd created together.  

Claire was 5 days old and it was their first full night home from the hospital. Due to everything that happened, they had to stay a few extra days. Laurel had never been more terrified in her life. She would often pride herself on her ability to face scary situations without letting fear get the best of her. Frank definitely had experience with stuff that would make the average guy run the other direction. However, when it came to putting Claire in the car and driving home with her they had both been less than calm. Laurel sat in the back next to Claire's car seat and watched every breath she took. Frank was driving so slow she was certain approaching vehicles didn't know if the line of cars behind them was caused by a parade or a really old guy out for a leisurely drive.

Their one stop, the pharmacy, had Frank going inside with a list no man should ever have to deal with. Laurel was certain even Annalise had never asked him to do things that compared to the items on the list. He had gotten every single thing she wrote down and not complained once about it.  

They'd started out somewhat reserved around one another. Always afraid to cross a line into a space the other kept protected. They now both knew there was nothing that could rip you out of that comfort zone like childbirth and a newborn. Frank had been amazing, but any boundaries they had were gone. Laurel softly laughed to herself when she thought about all that the poor man had been through the past few days. He'd literally stayed by her side for 10 straight hours of agonizing labor. He'd rubbed her back, let her squeeze the feeling out of his hand, held her hair back as she vomited, and promised her she could do it when she swore she couldn’t take one more second of it.  

When she thought about the fear he must have felt when she was rushed into surgery, it broke her heart. Laurel was well aware that she and Claire were everything to him. His entire world. To have to sit by helplessly with the real possibility of losing them both swaying back and forth in front of him was the cruelest thing she could think of. Laurel knew she had absolutely gotten the easy way out emotionally when it came to Claire's birth.  

The past couple days he'd helped her in the shower, gave up every button up shirt he owned because she discovered those were much easier with breastfeeding than any post-baby pajamas she'd purchased, and he'd listened to her cry when she couldn't get Claire latched properly or when it seemed like she never wanted to stop feeding.  

He'd been there to comfort her while she cried more than once over the past several days, dealt with her crazy postpartum hormones, and they were both sleeping in her bed. He had started out on the couch, but Laurel quickly realized she needed him close if she was ever going to survive night one at home with any sanity intact come morning.  

Laurel was sitting up in bed, propped against her pillows as she watched Claire feed. She took a deep breath before rearranging herself into a more comfortable position. Truth is, nothing was really comfortable with a surgical incision. Laurel wasn't aware that the abdominal muscles were used for everything until she had been cut into. Getting up and down was still painful. Walking was still painful. On top of all of that, she was still weak from the whole ordeal of childbirth and the added trauma of significant blood loss. She was unsure that she would ever feel normal again and the thought of not having Frank around scared her to death.  

She watched as Claire nursed, her little noises completely melting her heart. Laurel ran her fingers over the tiny amount of hair that covered her head. It was the exact same color as Frank's. Laurel thought she looked like him. He insisted she looked like her saying her mouth and nose were the same, but Claire had his eyes. For Laurel, the eyes are what did it. Claire had Frank's eyes and Frank had his Dad's eyes. There was no denying she was a Delfino.  

It was about 50/50 when it came to everyone else's opinion. Some thought she looked like her, others thought she looked like Frank. Michaela had declared her a perfect mix. 

In no time Laurel noticed Claire falling asleep rather than feeding. "We're not doing this," Laurel said sweetly. "You're not going to snack and want to eat again in 30 minutes. We're up, you're going to eat until your tummy is full." It suddenly dawned on her that she had picked the right profession. She'd argue her point with anyone. Not excluding her 5 day old daughter. 

She lifted the tiny baby up to eye level. "Claire," she repeated. The newborn pulled her little legs up and curled into her favorite ball even as Laurel held her up. "God, you're the sweetest thing ever." Laurel kissed her on the cheek and tickled one foot getting no result. She was as stubborn as both she and Frank, who was still sound asleep despite everything going on. "I think we broke your Daddy...." Normally Frank was awake at the first noise. It had been a rough few days. 

Laurel settled Claire on her chest and covered them with a blanket. She slowly laid back in bed against her mountain of pillows she had to have at all times; moving at all a delicate procedure due to her incision. She picked her phone up for the first time in hours and found unread texts, a few missed calls, and every form of social media full of pictures, posts, and videos that she had not looked at.  

She smiled as she saw a video of Connor, Oliver, Asher, and Michaela out and about. It was the first time Laurel realized it was early Friday morning. They had gone out for their usual Thursday night. Life had definitely changed. It wasn't long ago, she was out every Thursday night partying and getting ready for the weekend. She didn't regret it though, not for a second.  

Laurel replied to all the text messages and a couple emails. All sent before she realized she'd responded at 3:15 in the morning. Hoping everyone had their phones on silent was the last thing Laurel remembered before she woke up what seemed like days later when in reality she'd only been asleep an hour. Panic washed over her when she realized Claire was no longer curled up on her chest asleep.  

She slowly got out of bed and made her way out of the bedroom. Noticing the soft glow of the lamp in Claire's nursery, Laurel knew right where they were. She very quietly opened the door and the sight before her in so many ways was unbelievable. Laurel had no idea how this had emerged from all the pain of the past year. Less than a year ago, she had been convinced that she wasn't going to make it. There was _nothing_ in the world that would fix what had happened.  

Yet here she was. Still standing, still able to see the good in her life, and still completely in love with the man in front of her holding their baby girl like she was the most precious gift he'd ever received. Laurel knew very well that she was. Frank was the only other person that knew what a miracle she was and that loved her just as much.  

She walked over to stand next to them, careful not to startle Frank as she approached him. "Have you even tried putting her in her crib?"  

"Nah," Frank grinned as he looked up at Laurel. "Can't help it. Look at her."  

Laurel reached out to run her fingers through his hair as he continued to rock back and forth in the chair. "She's hard to resist. I know...." 

"Never even tried," Frank replied. "She's got me."  

Laurel smiled. She had known that for a long time. Frank had tried so hard to keep his distance and not fall in love with the baby. Laurel saw the struggle and she also saw when he finally gave into it and allowed his heart to take over.   

Frank stood from the rocking chair, "Sit." Laurel didn't put up any arguments as standing for extended periods of time didn't come as easy as one might imagine. She watched as Frank slowly lowered Claire into the crib. No sooner than her back touched the mattress and Frank's hands pulled away, she startled awake and started screaming.  

"Shh...." Frank soothed. He immediately scooped her up and had her in his arms in no time. "'It's ok, Claire. I'm here. I got you." She quietened down as Frank patted her back and kissed her little head. "Doesn't like the crib."  

Laurel playfully rolled her eyes back at him, "I wonder why!" She knew she couldn't say too much about Frank's inability to put the baby down and leave her there. More often than not, whenever Claire finished feeding Laurel let her sleep in her arms. They had both contributed to this problem.  

"Ok, hold up, Princess." Frank said as he walked toward Laurel. "You need your Mom for that." She was hungry. Again.  

"Can you grab the nursing pillow from over there?" Laurel quickly unbuttoned the top buttons of the shirt she was wearing and then took Claire. "Hey, beautiful," Laurel said as she looked down at her wide awake baby girl.  "Are we gonna do this? No attitude this time?"  

"Don't know if you remember, but half her DNA is Castillo," Frank joked as he put the pillow where she needed it to go. They had managed to develop a system.  

"Stop it." Laurel replied. "That's where her ability to be calm comes from." 

"Wow." Frank popped back.  

Laurel sighed when she saw the same dramatic beginning that happened every time she tried to get Claire started with a feeding. After a few more minutes of struggle, Laurel reached her limit. For something that was supposed to be so natural, it was turning out to be the main source of stress in her life and that was saying something. Not to mention her hormones were out of control. "Can you take her?" 

As soon as Frank had the baby, she took a deep breath and braced herself to stand. Claire continued to remain vocal about the matter, despite Frank's attempts to calm her down. "Did you get that sample box of formula from the hospital before we left?" 

"Laurel..." Frank said as he continued trying to calm an extremely angry Claire down.  

"I can't listen to my starving baby scream, Frank." That was it. She couldn't hold it any longer. Laurel started sobbing the second she finished that sentence. She had been home less than 24 hours with her own child and she had no idea what she was doing. A fact that was very apparent by the sound of Claire continuing to cry. She felt Frank pull her to his side and hold her to him. She was on one side sobbing uncontrollably and Claire was on the other. Frank stuck in the middle probably wishing he was anywhere else on earth.  

"Laurel, babe..." The term of endearment rolling off his tongue as if it was their normal. "She's not starvin'. She's just mad. She didn't exactly get patience from either of us." They stayed just like that, she nestled into his side and his arm around her, for what seemed like a very long time. Laurel knew it wasn't her finest moment, but it felt good to get some of that out.  

"Why don't you try again," he suggested. "'Cept hold her that other way. Don't think she likes being the way you tried before."  

Laurel sat back down and took Claire from him once again. "Mommy's sorry, sweet girl." She kissed her little face and held her for a second before trying to get her to feed again. The thought that she would never be able to do this after Frank started staying at his place again crossed her mind, but she tried to ignore it. She rearranged Claire the way Frank had suggested. "Ok, let's see if your Daddy's idea is gonna work here." Laurel watched as Claire latched on and began feeding as if she'd never had a problem earlier.  

She shook her head in disbelief. She heard Frank softly laugh before he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. It felt like the most natural thing. Almost as if they hadn't been broken up for well over a year and hurt one another so badly. "You're never gonna win against this one."  

"I see," Laurel said as she watched Claire feed like a pro. "Guess I'm not the boss around here anymore."  

"Definitely not," Frank laughed. Laurel watched as he leaned against the dresser across from where she sat in Claire's nursery. It wasn't hard to see he had something on his mind, she could always tell when he had something to say. He'd never been a man of too many words, but when he did say something, you listened.  

"You're such a good Mom."  

Laurel didn't really know what to say, especially after the meltdown she and their newborn just had a bit ago. Frank didn't give her a chance to. "I know this isn't how you saw your life goin'. Not her, that's not what I mean." He took a breath before continuing. "I know you weren't plannin' on sharing kids with me." 

"Frank..." 

"I know that, Laurel." He paused for a bit, almost as if what he had to say next hurt too much to speak aloud. "When the Pup....Wes, I mean. I didn't wanna admit he was your plan, but I know he was....doesn't take a genius. I just don't want you thinkin' you're stuck with me 'cause of her. You're not." 

Laurel couldn't stop the tears that were now streaming down her face. She tried, but there was nothing she could do except let it happen. "It killed me seein' you like that, Laurel. After everything. If it could have been me instead of him, I woulda done it. Woulda been easier than watchin you struggle through that." 

"Frank, please don't say that....." 

"I want you to be happy," he continued. "Whatever that means for you, I just want you to be happy. She changed my world, made me get my shit together, and I only have you to thank for that. Just be happy, Laurel. Promise? I'm always gonna be here for her, but don't think you owe me anything. I'm never gonna interfere, 'less I need to." 

"You know what I thought the night of the fire?" Laurel used her free hand to wipe the tears streaming down her face. She looked up and saw him watching her. Frank just as vulnerable as she was. "I found out Wes had died from hearing it on the TV in my room. One of my best friends, Frank. That is how I found out. You know who I was with? Meggy. The med student that Wes had been dating. She was sweet, uncomplicated, and she really loved him. She was good for him."  

Claire let out a squeak as she continued eating. Not at all bothered by the tone of the room. Laurel watched as she wrapped her tiny hand around her finger. Getting herself together, she decided to continue. "Then I found out about her. At first, I thought the baby was probably Wes'. Then they told me how far along I was. My mind shut down after that. I couldn't think, couldn't deal, and then you walked into my room and all of that went away. I was so relieved to see you alive that I forgot everything else. I was  _so_  thankful."  

"Laurel, you don't....." 

"Yes, I do." Laurel interrupted. "For a few seconds seeing you made me feel better and once that passed I felt so guilty. I had just lost my best friend, the guy I was dating, and all I could feel in that moment was relief that you were ok. So I shut down, I pushed you away, I tried to be as hurtful to you as I could and it worked. I told you about the baby, got that off my chest, and then I swore I was done with you."  

"I didn't make it any easier, Laurel," Frank replied.  

"Don't do that," she said. "Don't try to make me feel better. The truth is it's always been you. No matter what I did, who I dated, what I told myself....it has always been you. It took her to make me realize that was ok. It's ok that I felt relief when I knew you were alive. It's ok that even if I could change everything that happened if it meant giving her up....you up, I couldn't do it. We've both done things, Frank. None of that matters anymore. I just want to move forward. We may not deserve it, but she does."  

She could tell Frank was shocked. Based on the past year, he had no reason to believe she did anything except tolerate him. He had apologized to her numerous times, yet she'd never even attempted to do the same. "I'm so sorry, Frank. I'm sorry for shutting you out, making you miss things that were about her, not telling you how proud I am of you. You never gave up. You just did what you had to do to be enough for her and I am so proud of you for that."  

Frank had technically quit working for Annalise back in the spring but officially decided he couldn't go back there when he found out about the baby. Too much had happened between he and Annalise. Too many things to overcome. It was a slippery slope with her and one he had to get away from. He was now working for another firm in town, doing similar but legitimate work. Laurel wasn't sure if the legitimacy of the job or the fact that his current boss had a human side shocked Frank more. He was a completely different person away from the toxic environment Annalise kept. His current job allowed him several weeks off when Claire was born. Laurel knew Annalise would have been calling for him before they even left the hospital. 

Laurel had finished her 2L year and would be starting her final year in law school in the fall. The thought of leaving Claire to go back to school was something she couldn't even think about, but with Frank's Mom watching her she knew it'd be ok. Aside from that, it was weird. It was weird to start the new year without Wes. They weren't a group of 5 anymore. The gaping hole he left in their group was ever present when they were together. They decided finishing was the only thing they could do. Wes would have wanted that; it would be their way of honoring him.  

"So where's this leave us?" Frank asked. Laurel could see the unshed tears in his eyes. "Cause I gotta tell you, Laurel, I can't do it again. I can't get into this with you again and have it end like the other times. This time it's her to pay for it. Not us."  

"I don't want that either," Laurel replied.  

"So what do you want?" He asked. "Cause I'll let you go. It'll kill me, but I'll let you go. Be there for her, stay outta your business, I can do it. Won't like it, but I'll do it. Meant everything I said earlier." 

"I don't want you to let me go because there is no way I can let you go," she said tearfully. "I've tried it. I can't do it, Frank."  In the past, they had made a disaster of things and he was right, it couldn't happen again. Silence settled over the room after that. She'd said what she had to say and Frank had done the same. The chips, she guessed, would fall where they may. 

Laurel noticed Claire had stopped eating and fallen asleep. "I guess she got full for once." Laurel buttoned her shirt back up as the tiny baby snuggled up against her. "Maybe she'll let us sleep longer than 30 minutes."  

Frank laughed as he walked toward them. "Milks probably in now." 

"You've been listening," Laurel smiled. "I'm impressed."  

"Course I listen," he said. "Now give her to me and go lie down. Get some sleep." Laurel watched as he took Claire and kissed her little face. She drew her arms and legs up against herself, curling into her usual ball. Probably the most adorable newborn behavior if Laurel had to pick something. He was so gentle with her. Everything about him became softer. Frank as a Daddy completely melted her heart.  

Laurel smiled, "She's got you so wrapped around her finger already." 

"Yeah she does," Frank smiled. He never took his eyes off their baby girl. Laurel would catch him just staring at her throughout the day, still in complete awe that she was here and belonged to them.   

He extended his hand to help her stand from the rocking chair. Laurel wrapped her arms around his waist as he pulled her to his side. "We're gonna figure this out. Together." He leaned down and captured her lips in the first kiss they'd shared since the night their baby girl was conceived. He rested his forehead against hers, "I love you."  

His love for her was something she never doubted. Even through the worst times between them, Laurel knew that he loved her. The truth was she had always loved him too. They'd both made so many mistakes, wasted so much time, and hurt one another more than she cared to think about. It took the tiny little person nestled between them to make them realize how wrong they'd been. Laurel looked into those blue eyes she loved so much, the same eyes their daughter had, and knew they could figure it out this time. "I love you too," she whispered. "So much."  


	3. Just What I Needed

If someone had told Frank the past year of his life would go the way it had gone, he never would have believed it. A year full of changes he had no control over. A year full of second chances he tried so very hard not to screw up. A year full of uncertainty, fear, and worry when it came to a relationship he desperately wanted to survive. It had easily been the craziest year of his life, and considering his past, that was saying a lot.   

It had also been the best year. The most amazing year. The tiny girl in front of him had taught him more in her short life than anyone ever had before. She made him see the world differently. Made him have an appreciation for the things he'd always taken for granted. Because of her he was determined to be the best person he could possibly be. He could do nothing about the past. The future was his to control and he refused to screw it up. She deserved his best.  

His little blue eyed girl had changed his entire world. He had actually learned how to enjoy life. He learned how to laugh. He could rattle off most of the characters on the TV programs that caught her attentionand he wasn't ashamed to admit he knew the words to most every song on her favorite movies. He discovered he'd do most anything to get a smile or laugh out of her. The best sight and sound in the world. She had absolutely changed every single facet of him for the better.  

It was the eve of her first birthday and Frank was having difficulty accepting that time had really gone that fast. It seemed like just yesterday he was sitting outside that operating room more scared than he'd ever been in his life. He looked over to see an _almost_ toddler who could walk, say several words, and let you know exactly what she thought about any given situation.  

"Here," Frank said, taking her little hand and helping her fit the block she was holding in the correct place. "Good job!" She shook her head "No" and took the block back into her little hands. That was her new thing. She hadn't said "No" yet, but she certainly knew how to express it. "No?" Frank laughed. "Pretty sure that's where it goes, Claire Bear."  

"Da da da da...." She said smiling as she handed the block in his direction.  

"Thank you," He said as he took the block from her. This time she allowed him to put it in the correct place. Frank watched as she toddled across the room to pick up a book that was almost as big as her. Determined didn't begin to cover it. She had only started walking a week ago and was still in a Frankenstein-like march as she tried to keep her balance.  

It took everything in him to stop himself from reaching out and grabbing her, so afraid she would fall and hurt herself. He watched as she made it over to him and dropped the book in his lap before turning to go get another one. Moving a pile of toys and books from one location in the room to another was a favorite pastime.  Frank wasn't sure why Laurel even attempted to keep her room picked up.  

He allowed her to dump another book, a doll, and three blocks in his lap before he picked her up and stood from his place on the floor of her room. "We're gonna be in trouble when Mommy gets home and sees this," He said as he kissed her on the cheek. He saw her shake her head "No" again and he cracked up. "Don't tell me no. I've known her longer than you have. We're gonna be in trouble." 

"Ma ma ma ma..." She babbled as he took her into the kitchen so he could start dinner. "Yeah, Mommy is gonna get both of us." He sat her in the high chair and before he could get her fastened in and the tray attached she was throwing a fit. She could turn the drama on and off as if she had a switch. Frank ignored her as he walked over to the cabinet to get a box of Cheerios out.  

"Hey, Little Laurel," He said, pouring some of the cereal onto the tray. "You need to chill." She immediately stopped crying as if nothing had been wrong two seconds ago and focused on the cereal in front of her. She picked a Cheerio up and held it in his direction with a smile on her face. "You eat it," Frank smiled. He leaned down and kissed the top of her head before getting to work on their own dinner.  

Frank didn't know many other little ones her age, but he felt certain she was unique in her headstrong personality. She was so funny and smart, every single day doing something that made him wonder just how on earth he had a part in creating her. She was now eighteen pounds, had six tiny teeth, light brown hair that curled in the most adorable way at the nape of her neck, and striking blue eyes that he now admitted were identical to his and his Father's. Despite looking like him, she acted so much like her Mother. It was equal parts amusing and frustrating to live with a tiny version of Laurel.  

Her favorites were Cheerios, avocado, bananas, Laurel speaking Spanish to her, his keys and cell phone, the remote, anything she wasn't supposed to get her tiny hands on, bath time, his parents, music, Asher, and last but certainly not least – Mommy.  

Life with Claire was never boring. Stressful, terrifying, at times comical, rewarding, and nothing short of amazing was just a few ways Frank would describe the past year. Each month full of new experiences they'd never been through before. Having Claire also made him so incredibly thankful for Laurel. It had not always been easy between them, but he loved her more than anything. That was one thing he was sure of.  Without her there was no way he would have survived the past year. They may not have made the choice to go on this journey together, but now that they were on it, he knew there was no one else he'd rather be with.  

 

**Month One**  

_July_  

 

There was a reason movies and television always depicted first time parents running crazy as they tried to get out the door on time. Anything that could go wrong went wrong. They'd give it a valiant effort, but no matter what they did or how hard they tried, it never happened.  

Frank realized it was portrayed that way because it was one of the many truths about having a newborn. The entertainment industry exaggerated a lot of things, but this specific situation was not one of them.   

Claire was almost a month old and while they had figured a few things out, getting out the door on time was not included in that list.  

It had been a month full of changes. Everything they knew about babies, they had both learned in that month. Frank was unaware a human being could function on as little sleep as they'd been getting since bringing Claire home from the hospital. He was unaware that someone as tiny as their daughter could go through _that_  many diapers in one day. He was also unaware that he could be too tired to care that he'd had baby poop on him, breast milk spit up on him, and he was pretty sure his newborn daughter had unleashed a string of profanities on him, but since he didn't speak her language it just came out as screaming so loud he was shocked the neighbors hadn't packed up and moved.  

It had been an interesting month, but despite everything, they were both so so incredibly in love with her.  

Frank was still staying with Laurel and he was pretty sure he should just let his lease go when time to renew it came around. They'd not had an official discussion, but Laurel had cleared a place for him in her closet, cleared drawers out for him in her dresser, and when he'd offered to go home at night while her Mom was in town visiting she acted as if that was the most absurd idea he ever had.  

Frank had dreaded that visit worse than anything. His family loved Laurel. That was always a given. There was no way his parents would find any fault in her. He, on the other hand, wasn't so sure how Laurel's Mom would feel about him. He'd known Laurel for a couple years, but had never met her Mother. He knew what her Dad thought, not that he gave a shit, he had his own opinions when it came to Jorge Castillo. He was the perfect example of everything NOT to do as a Father. Laurel's Mother? A completely different story.  

After meeting her Mother, it was clear to Frank that the good in Laurel came from her. He was so used to people having an opinion on his life before they ever got to know him, but her Mom wasn't that way. Frank didn't know how much she knew about his and Laurel's relationship, but she accepted him as part of Laurel and Claire's life from the first moment they'd met. He went from dreading her arrival to being disappointed when she left. Not because they'd gotten a little more sleep while she was there, but because he genuinely liked her.  

It was July 4th and their plans included dinner with his family. A yearly tradition in the Delfino household. "We're only an hour late," Frank said as he parked in front of his parents' house. 

"Well, we have the dip with us," Laurel replied. It was uncertain if his family would dare begin the meal without Laurel's famous dip. They requested it at every family gathering, regardless of the event or other items on the menu. His family was Italian. The fact that Laurel could prepare honest to goodness Mexican cuisine fascinated the Delfino clan beyond the telling. "And the baby."  

Frank laughed. "The dip is hard to beat, babe." He quickly got out and opened the back door to retrieve Claire. She was sound asleep and never stirred when he got the car seat out.  

"I swear it's like we're moving," Laurel complained as she handed him the diaper bag and she took the dip. "Everywhere we go. It's like we're moving."  

As he followed Laurel up the walkway to his parents' front door, he watched Claire sleep and thought how nice it must be. He was certain that between the both of them, he and Laurel averaged a few hours of sleep per night. The exhaustion had gotten worse when he'd returned to work a couple weeks ago. No naps during the day anymore. "You have no idea what's about to happen to you, baby girl."  

"Yeah," Laurel agreed. "You've never met the entire Delfino family all at once, Claire. Nonna and Nonno are the tame ones."  

Frank could hear them before Laurel ever opened the front door. It was probably a fire hazard having all of them in the house at once. "THE BABY'S HERE!!!" Frank heard his cousin, Debbie, shout. "AND THE DIP!!!" Not one mention of the fact that he and Laurel were also present.  

"Oh, let me see my angel!" Frank saw his Mom coming in his direction with a look of determination on her face. "Look at her! She's grown since I saw her last!" It had been less than a week, but Frank wasn't going to argue.   

"How are you, sweetheart?" His Mom had already forgot all about him and turned to Laurel to wrap her in a hug. Now that he brought them everywhere, he was old news. There was a time when his Mom gave a shit that he showed up. "Doesn't even look like you had a baby!"  

Frank managed to get through the pack of family members trying to get a glimpse of the baby. He sat her car seat down on the couch and carefully got her out, cradling her in his arms. He leaned down and kissed her little face as she continued to sleep. "'Member the crazy family I told you about? Well, you're about to meet them. Gets to be too much, you scream real loud and I'm there, k?"  

He carefully passed Claire to his Mom who immediately turned to go show her off. He shook his head at Laurel before standing up and directing her to the dining room. "Hey Dad...." 

"Where the hell's my grandbaby?" 

"Ma has her," Frank replied. He pulled Laurel's chair out for her before sitting down next to her. "You won't get to see her long as the women are here. You know that." 

"Laurel, he treatin' you right? I'll whip his ass if not."  

Laurel smiled, "No worries, he's behaving. Getting up at all hours, changing diapers....."  

"Changin' diapers! You guys these days. Never did change your ass back in the day...." Frank had no trouble at all believing that. Laurel had quickly moved right into his Dad's favorite child's spot. If he had a dime to his name upon death, they joked that he'd leave it to Laurel. "When you start back to school? Last year, yeah?" 

"My last year," Laurel replied. "I go back in September. Right after Labor Day. I'm ready to go back, but then I'm not. She makes it harder."   

"She's stayin' with us," he smiled. "She'll be in good hands!" 

Frank had no doubt. She would be so spoiled they wouldn't be able to do anything with her after staying with his Mom for about a week.  

It was surreal being here with his family and now having a family of his own. Not so long ago, he was certain this would never happen. He never even really thought about it or cared. His life was a mess, he and Laurel had split, and he wasn't even sure he'd come back to Philadelphia.  

He wasn't certain of a lot in his life, nor did he know a ton. One thing he did know was their baby girl was meant to be. She had defied too many odds to be a mistake, coincidence, happenstance, or whatever else someone might call her. The fact that Laurel had found him in Coalport in the first place was something he couldn't explain. He'd never understand why she had wanted to find him and when she did, why she had come. She and the baby surviving the fire at Annalise's and then the ordeal that was Claire's birth was something else entirely.  

For a long time, he didn't really understand why he and Laurel had crossed paths. He'd liked many of Annalise's students, but for some reason Laurel was the last one. When he saw her it was almost as if he knew she was going to change his life. How wasn't something he knew, but she was more than anyone else had ever been to him before. Now he understood. It was all because of Claire. Every single thing they'd gone through had led to her.  

The food was passed around, he ate way more than he should have, and he decided he couldn't bring himself to move let alone go outside to watch fireworks. "Hey Ma, where's Laurel?" He hadn't seen Laurel or the baby in a bit, so he wanted to make sure they hadn't been abducted by any family members. It was entirely possible.  

"Upstairs. Baby was hungry. Are you goin' with us to see fireworks?"  

"Don't think so," Frank replied. "Too tired." 

He quickly climbed the stairs to the second floor of his parents home. He'd snuck up these stairs many nights growing up and knew the next to last step creaked. Out of habit, he found himself skipping that step like old times. He quietly opened the door to the guest room, his old room, and found Laurel lying on her side asleep as the baby fed.  

He quietly removed his shoes and got into bed with them. There was no way he was going to pass up the opportunity to get a nap. He leaned down and kissed Claire on the head, "You eatin', Piglet?" He rested his head on the pillow next to Laurel and wrapped his arm around her, sandwiching Claire between them.  

"We're the worst guests ever," Laurel said sleepily.  

Frank laughed. "Nah. Least we're up here 'cause of her. When I was younger, I'd probably be passed out drunk by now." 

"Claire, don't listen to your Daddy," Laurel said. "He wasn't perfect like Mommy was." 

"Some reason I don't believe that." 

"Mmmhmm," Laurel said as she started to drift back to sleep.  

Frank watched on as she slept and Claire ate. She had taken to Motherhood so quickly. Most times he felt like he was flying blind, but it seemed to come naturally to her. Even at Claire's very young age, the bond between her and Laurel was so easy to see. They'd been through a lot together. More than most could overcome.  

 Just a year ago he'd spent July 4th in some motel room completely cut off from everyone. The thought that in a year he'd have everything he could possibly want never crossed his mind. At times all he could do was watch them, knowing he didn't deserve either one, but he was selfish enough to refuse to let them go. The love he had for them stronger than anything he'd felt before.  

He had thoughts he'd never share with Laurel. Thoughts about what would have happened if it had been him to die instead. Terrible thoughts of Wes rejecting his daughter simply because she shared his DNA. Frank believed with everything in him that Wes wouldn’t have been able to get past it and it broke his heart to imagine. Claire was his entire heart and soul. She was everything. The thought that someone could honestly reject her because of their issues with him had the power to destroy him if he allowed it.  So he didn't. He just believed there was a reason things had worked out the way they had.  

He wasn't happy that Laurel had suffered. It broke his heart then and it still broke his heart now. He wasn't happy that she still had times where she struggled even though she'd never admit it to him. He wasn't happy about a lot concerning the situation with Wes, but he'd never apologize for being happy that he'd been given the chance to watch his daughter grow and to love her the way she deserved to be loved. He wouldn't apologize because she is all that mattered.

Claire was all that would ever matter.    


	4. Good Together

There are many situations in life one simply cannot know until it happens to them. Situations that happen to other people, and even though one may witness it up close, there still lacks a true understanding. For Laurel, that situation was motherhood.  

Before Claire, she simply didn't know. She had no idea what it would be like to have all her hopes, dreams, fears, and worries wrapped up in such a tiny package. She didn't know what it was like to experience true contentment until she became a Mom. She didn’t know that so many things she had once cared about would become trivial after her little girl arrived.   

Laurel only thought she knew fear and worry until Claire. She had no idea. The first fever, first runny nose, first upset tummy – it was all terrifying. Those that knew Laurel,  _ really _ knew her, might think those things would pale in comparison to everything else she had been through. They didn't. The thought of Claire hurting in any way was too much.  Laurel simply didn't know the need to protect her would be the strongest thing she had ever felt.  

Laurel didn't know she would spend countless hours memorizing every little detail of her baby girl's face. Hours she should have been sleeping, studying, cleaning, or doing a thousand other things that always seemed to be waiting on her. Every minute detail of Claire was etched so deeply into her heart that she knew she'd never forget. She would remember every moment, no matter how quickly it went by, in a way only a Mother could.

There had been sleepless nights Laurel was certain would never end. There had been days she wished had no ending. She had gotten to know all of Claire’s little peculiarities and preferences. Things even Frank didn't pay attention to. She knew that Claire loved avocado toast, but only sliced a certain way. Frank's Mom had learned that the hard way. She knew that Claire would only eat a specific brand of Greek yogurt in a specific flavor - raspberry. She knew what books held her attention and exactly the tone to use when reading them. She knew exactly how to rock her to sleep - Claire still nursed to sleep while holding some of Laurel’s hair. It was something she’d started at only a few months old. Laurel knew as long as Claire did that, she’d never cut it short or wear it up at bedtime. There were so many little details about her.

It had been an incredible year. A year full of getting to know an amazing little person. A year repairing a relationship that she, at one time, thought was far too broken to be salvaged. There was still work to do, but the difference in just a year was remarkable. A year full of so many new experiences that she knew the person she was before was nothing like the person she was now. She had grown more than she ever thought possible.  

When she walked through the door and saw her baby girl, the part of her that had been incomplete since leaving was finally whole again. Laurel was knee deep in Bar prep and it was taking a serious toll. The end was in sight, they'd sit for the Bar exam in a little over a month, but Laurel was over it. She had been over it.  

"Hey, sweet girl!" Laurel said as she put her books and purse down on the table.

"Did you have fun with Daddy today?" She was greeted with the most adorable smile. Those little teeth melted her heart every single time. Lately, she felt like Frank had been a single Father since school had ended and Bar prep had begun. As soon as he was home from work in the evenings, she was out the door to study group. On weekends, most Saturdays consisted of some form of preparation for the biggest test of her life. Through it all, he'd never complained. Even though their time together had been seriously limited. He took such good care of Claire. When Laurel was away, she worried about a lot, but their daughter being taken care of was never one of those things. 

She smiled as Claire held a Cheerio in her direction. Laurel took it from her and ate it. She had no idea where the little hand that gave her the cereal had been, but that was just one more thing about motherhood she never knew before. Germs didn't phase her any longer.  They had learned the hard way that little ones are as germy as they are adorable. 

The "stomach bug incident”, as it was now known, would forever remain in her memory. She and Frank both so sick that his Mother had to come stay with them so she could care for Claire. During the worst of it, as only an overly dramatic sick man could, Frank insisted they needed to call a Priest to deliver their last rites to them as they lay on the bathroom floor. Looking back, they laughed about it, but at the time it was the worst problem in parenting they’d encountered. Still, they both knew they'd snuggle and love on their sick baby girl, again and again, even if they knew they'd be hit with the bug she had next. "Thank you," she said as she leaned down to give Claire a kiss.  

She turned to see Frank working on dinner. Wearing pajama pants and nothing else. Laurel shook her head and smiled as she walked in his direction. He knew she was far too busy to be distracted by him not wearing a shirt. Wrapping her arms around his waist from behind, she placed a kiss on his back before resting her head against him. "You're hot AND you cook. What did I ever do to deserve you?"

Frank shrugged. "You're gorgeous and you do laundry. We’re even."  

She playfully smacked him in the side before reaching around him to sample some of the vegetables he was chopping up.  She looked over to see Claire deep in concentration as she picked up each individual Cheerio and ate it. "She's not going to want dinner you giving her all those Cheerios before."  

Frank looked over at Claire from where he stood and smiled. He couldn't help himself either. "You try cookin' dinner with that one on the loose. Whatever keeps her distracted, I say."  

"I  _ have _ cooked with her on the loose," Laurel replied. Granted, she had cooked while her crawling, pulling up baby hung onto her legs and made the whole situation that much more difficult.

"Oh, yeah, nights we had sandwiches," he grinned.

"Ha. Ha. Ha." Laurel knew he was most likely right. He definitely had the upper hand in the kitchen. "Your Daddy has jokes, Claire." She walked over and got her Cheerio loving girl out of the high chair. She couldn't even think about the precious baby in her arms turning a year old in a matter of hours. Now she understood why her Mom always got weepy on her and her brother's birthdays when they were small. “Claire Delfino. Did you _really_ save this diaper for me?”

"Hey, I got one this mornin'. She's bein' fair about it." Frank said. 

"Well," Laurel replied. "We certainly want her to keep things fair between us when it comes to these." 

Laurel took Claire to her room, switching on the light as she entered. The spotless room she’d left that morning was now littered with blocks, books, stuffed animals, and a couple dolls.  “Looks like Daddy has been in here playing with your toys again, Claire.”  

“Yeah!” She heard from the kitchen. “Leave the blocks alone. Gonna finish that tower after we eat.” Laurel rolled her eyes. Frank was probably the biggest smartass she’d ever known, but he was her smartass. At times she even had to admit she found it endearing.

“Can you hold this for me?” Laurel asked as she handed Claire a closed tube of diaper ointment to keep her occupied. If she wasn't occupied, she was doing her best to escape the changing table. She quickly removed the dirty diaper, got her cleaned up, and replaced it with a clean one. Something she had done what seemed like at least a million times in the past 12 months. Laurel leaned down and blew air against Claire’s bare tummy, getting a squeal and laugh out of her. The kind of laugh that started in her belly and made it impossible not to laugh along with her. Laurel’s favorite sound in the world. She did it again, tickling her as Claire continued to laugh.

Laurel picked her up from the changing table and tried to get the tube of ointment from her. “Can Mommy have it? It needs to stay in here.” She watched as Claire hugged it to her. Not wanting to go to battle with her baby over a tube of diaper ointment, she let her hold it and left the bedroom.

"DA DA!" she pointed with her little finger and started kicking her legs excitedly as Laurel held her. “Da da!”

"Literally been away from you for less than five minutes and she acts like you’ve been gone for six months," Laurel said to Frank. She watched as Claire started reaching for Frank with one arm, the other keeping a firm hold of the tube of ointment she wasn’t supposed to have. “Ok, go see Daddy.” 

Frank stopped what he was doing and took her into his arms. “Hey Princess,” She laughed as he leaned toward her and rubbed her nose with his before kissing her on the cheek. She handed the diaper ointment in his direction. “For me?” Frank asked, taking it from her. “Just what I needed, how’d you know?” Laurel laughed as he passed it to her where Claire wouldn’t notice. Out of sight, out of mind. That is how it worked with her. “How old you gonna be tomorrow?”

Laurel took her little hand and showed her how to hold up one finger. "Say one! One year old!" She watched Claire smile as she laid her head on Frank's shoulder, snuggling into him. "She's such a Daddy's Girl." The relationship between Claire and Frank was one of Laurel's favorite things to watch develop. She had never had a good relationship with her own Father, so she was learning how special that bond could be through them.  

Frank smiled, "I let her get away with more than you do....."

"No way!" Laurel laughed. “Would have never guessed that!” 

She knew very well he was powerless when it came to their little girl. He always had been.  

 

**Month Two**

_ August _

 

 

Laurel thought back to the days before Claire arrived and was completely amused at the fact that she thought she’d known exhaustion. She wasn't even sure what she experienced in her childless days fell anywhere on the spectrum of true exhaustion. Ignorance was certainly bliss.  

Claire was now two months old and some days Laurel felt as lost as she had the first day they brought her home from the hospital. Other days she felt as if she was starting to piece it together, find a routine, and not drown in the ocean that was first time parenthood.

Today was one of those days where she questioned why exactly the hospital allowed her to leave with a defenseless newborn.  

She sat on the couch feeding Claire for what seemed like the millionth time that day. Aside from broken fragments of a couple naps earlier in the day, Claire was either breastfeeding or screaming until she was. The Pediatrician explained this behavior was due to a growth spurt and insisted they were perfectly normal. Laurel had other, more colorful terms for them.

She looked around the living room and had no idea where to begin. There were two baskets of laundry that needed folding, unopened mail on the coffee table, the unpacked diaper bag, shopping bags from the campus bookstore that contained books she'd need for her final year of law school, and her personal favorite was her breast pump and most of its accessories sitting by the couch as if that was a normal place for it. To sum it up, the living room looked as if a hurricane had blown through.  

For as bad as the apartment looked, Laurel felt certain she looked worse. She had managed to get a ten minute shower while Claire screamed from her bassinet in the bedroom. She had thrown a pair of shorts and a tank top on and grabbed a cardigan in case anyone happened to pop by. An occurrence that never happened before Claire was born, but happened quite frequently now. There was no time to blow dry her hair, no time for putting makeup on, no time for anything but the very basics needed for survival.  

Laurel had managed to get through phone conversations with her Mom and Frank's Mom without seeming completely overwhelmed. She couldn't say the same for Frank when he called. He was met with tears and a rundown of her morning. Something she felt horrible about seeing as how he was in court all day and was only calling during a short recess to check in on them. She knew very well he would be worried about her the rest of the day. Despite her reassuring text that she was just having a moment, she knew he wouldn’t feel better until he was home.  

She watched as Claire drifted off to sleep, waking to feed randomly, so Laurel didn't dare move her from the only place she'd been happy all day. Having a baby had changed her in unimaginable ways. There were times, very rare times, that she missed life before all the changes happened. It wasn't Claire, Laurel couldn't imagine life without her now that they had her. It was the weightless feeling she didn't even realize she had until it was gone. A year ago her biggest problem was wondering where Frank was and doing her best in her second year of law school. Big issues, but nothing compared to bringing a little life into the world and being responsible for it.  

At times, Laurel didn't see how finishing law school was possible with Claire in the picture. She didn't see how she could put the time into studying with a baby that needed her constantly. She didn't know how she could attend study groups when she had a hungry baby at home that only took a bottle when there was no other option available and not without tons of drama. The thought of her being in class and Claire refusing to take a bottle caused her more anxiety than anything. They’d followed the Pediatrician's advice, introduced the bottle slowly, but most times she refused. She wanted Laurel and that was the end of the discussion as far as Claire was concerned. Laurel had help, but the thought of it all coming together was so overwhelming that she just couldn't see it.

Laurel held Claire's tiny hand in her own, still amazed that she and Frank were responsible for the perfect little being in her arms. She was doubtful she'd ever be able to completely understand why everything happened the way it did. The way everything lined up would never make sense to her. If she hadn't gone to see her Father, she would have never known Frank's location and the baby girl in her arms wouldn’t exist. If she had waited until the weekend to go to Coalport, like she’d originally planned, rather than going on that Tuesday, Claire wouldn't exist. If she and Frank had listened to anything other than their hearts, what happened in that motel room would have never happened, and her entire world wouldn't exist.  

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the buzzer alerting her to someone downstairs. She very carefully moved Claire so she could fix her bra and tank top before standing from the couch. She silently hoped it was just a delivery man and no one would actually see the state of their apartment. She stepped over the pile of textbooks as she made her way over to the intercom. “May I help you?”

“It’s me!” Michaela. “Quit holding that baby hostage! Let me in!” Laurel smiled as she hit the button to unlock the front door of their building. Michaela was about the only person she would allow in with the place looking like a disaster zone.

“Aunt Michaela is here to see you,” Laurel said quietly to a still sleeping Claire. “No drama, ok? It’s not the worst thing in the world to allow someone else to hold you for a bit.” She had no idea why she was trying to reason with her two month old, but nothing else had worked. Frank had been the only other person Claire had tolerated the past few days and she couldn’t very well pack her up and send her to work with him.

She opened the door to see Michaela standing there with a smile on her face and a bag in her hand that came from a place they ate lunch at frequently during the school year.  "Hope you still like your usual! I got Italian dressing, you still can’t eat dairy, right?”

“Michaela,” Laurel said. “You didn’t have to do that, but thank you! And no, still no dairy, so Claire thanks you too.” That was another thing she’d had to adjust since Claire came along. After a week of a very fussy, inconsolable baby, she eliminated dairy out of desperation. Once it was out of her system, it had worked like a charm. Laurel wasn’t sure if she should be thankful for that or frustrated at one more thing out of her control. “And please excuse this disaster. It’s been a rough couple days. I basically have to trick her into letting someone else hold her.”

"Please, Asher practically lives with me. Do you honestly think I know what a clean apartment is with him around?" Michaela said as she took Laurel's food out of the bag. "Now, hand her over and you eat. I've already eaten so I could be free to hold this little beauty!”

Laurel gently passed a sleeping Claire to Michaela, silently praying she wouldn’t wake up. "She's been a grouch today, so if she starts crying don't take it personally."  

"Not this angel," Michaela said as she smiled down at Claire. "You get more beautiful every time I see you.” She gently touched the small amount of soft hair on the baby’s head. “Even asleep, you look just like your Daddy. From her eyes down I can tell she’s your baby. From her eyes up, all Frank.”

Laurel nodded as she quickly swallowed a bite of salad, “She does. For me, it’s her eyes. Asleep you might think she’s a mix, but when she opens her eyes, she’s all Frank.”

"Well, that’s ok,” Michaela whispered to her. “Your Daddy is handsome. Auntie Michaela can say that. Your Mommy and I are close enough for that.”

Laurel laughed, “Wouldn’t matter. I’m too tired to fight you today anyway.”

The relationship between her and Michaela had not always been what it currently was. They had gotten close over the past year. Before, they didn't get along very well at all. At one point almost getting into a physical altercation in Annalise’s living room. They were both strong personalities and tended to clash over most everything, but had somehow found a way to put that aside and found a best friend in one another.

"So," Michaela said. “Connor is having a party at his place this Friday night. Kind of a start of school gathering for only the people we like from our class, of course. Anyway, he told me to invite you guys. That means Frank too.” A lot had changed since Wes passed and Claire arrived. The group putting things that had been touched by Annalise in any way behind them was the main one. Frank would never be close friends with the group, but they were amicable and accepted him as part of Laurel's life.

Laurel continued eating as she listened to Michaela pitch the idea - including the promise of the famous mojitos always served at Connor’s. A couple sips would be absolutely fine, she’d said. Laurel appreciated the effort Michaela had obviously put into it. "I wish we could,” Laurel said. “Even if I came for a bit and left her with Frank, it would be a disaster. He’s never done the bedtime routine by himself and these,” she motioned to her chest. “Are a huge part of it, so I’d really love to but it’d never work. I’m sorry!”

Michaela nodded, “I completely understand. I told him it was a long shot, but please know we want you there and are sad when you can’t make it.” So very much had changed in less than a year’s time. For different circumstances, it seemed as if their original group continued to dwindle. “It’s crazy how one tiny person changes your entire life, huh?”

Michaela was unaware of just how correct her statement was. “You have no idea,” Laurel replied. “I love her so much. It’s actually kind of scary how much I love her. Frank and I talk about that. Is it even normal to love something  _ that _ much, you know?”

“I'm pretty sure it is,” Michaela smiled.

“With all that said,” Laurel continued. “It changes your entire world. Everything. If I put her down for five minutes to get a shower, she screams at the top of her lungs. I left her with Frank to go get books for this semester and even though he’d never tell me, I am pretty sure she freaked out the entire time I was gone.” Laurel never intended to unload on Michaela, but once it started it was like a dam broke. “And he tries, he really does, he tries to give me time to myself, but she won’t let me out of her sight most of the time.” 

“It has to be overwhelming,” Michaela replied. “I know you love her, but you never intended to have her right now. It’s a lot. You aren’t a bad Mom for admitting that.” Somehow, Michaela always knew exactly what to say. She had the ability to word things in a much more palatable way. “Plus, believe it or not, you make it look like a piece of cake.”

“I do not,” Laurel said.

“You totally do,” Michaela laughed. “The night we all came to see you guys. On the way home, we all talked about how it was just natural to you. I can’t begin to imagine, and while Claire is adorable and we all love her, I don’t want to….for a long while.”

“Well, take your birth control,” Laurel informed her. “She was four missed pills and a lot of unprotected sex.” At twenty-seven, Laurel was slightly embarrassed to admit to anyone the technical reason Claire existed. She had been as haphazard about taking her birth control pills as a teenager might have been that wasn't totally aware of the possible consequences. She wasn’t having sex with anyone, so if she missed a couple days and then caught up all at once, what harm would it do. Thirty-seven weeks later her answer arrived in the form of a screaming baby girl.

Michaela laughed, “No worries there! My birth control is on birth control!” She looked down at the sweet sleeping baby in her arms. “But you have to admit, aren’t you glad you took your pills whenever you thought about it and still expected them to work?”

Laurel tossed her napkin in Michaela’s direction. “Do you know how many times I did that in the past when I was actually having sex on a regular basis? Daily basis! Nothing ever happened. I’m telling you, she was abnormally determined.”

“She was,” Michaela laughed. “No idea where she gets that from!”

“I know, right?” Laurel knew very well that even though their baby girl looked like Frank, Claire had absolutely gotten stubbornness from her. “This was great, by the way.” Laurel said as she finished up her salad. “You’re my new favorite person.”

“Please!” Michaela scoffed. “I’m always your favorite person.” She carefully got up and walked to the living room where she took a seat on the sofa. “Do I need to put her in her seat thingy over there?”

“God, no!” Laurel said as she joined Michaela in the living room and handed her a bottle of water. “The second you put her in there she will wake up. I have Frank to thank for that. He spent the first couple weeks we were home, allowing her to sleep on his chest so he could sleep at the same time. Then again, it was really just survival around here.”

Laurel sat down on the floor next to the mountains of laundry waiting to be folded. “We will have to get together for dinner one night. We’re total losers that go to bed at like 10 p.m., but other than that…..”

“That would work!” Michaela smiled. “My internship has finished up, so I am available whenever. Asher and Connor both get off work at 5. I’ll get with the guys and we’ll figure out a time.”

“Sounds good,” Laurel replied as she tried her best to organize the sea of clean laundry. “Frank usually gets home around 6, so I can just have him meet us wherever we decide. That way we will have time before she starts getting cranky. You see? There is no more just running out when the idea hits us!”

“Think of it as getting us ready for the real world,” Michaela suggested. “We’re all going to  _ hopefully _ have jobs this time next year and planning will be part of all our lives. As will going to bed at a reasonable hour.”

Laurel smiled. “You’re so sweet. Trying to make us a little less boring.”

“I do what I can! So," Michaela said, looking at Laurel in only a way Michaela could. "Has he officially moved in? Seeing as how you're currently folding his boxer briefs, I'd wager to bet he has."

Laurel rolled her eyes. "Yes, he's officially moved in. At first, I would have never survived without him here. We agreed to work on us, but take it slow, so the plan was for him to move back to his place. The evening that was supposed to happen, it was so sad. He was so sad. He would have never asked, but watching him struggle when it came to leaving her…..” The thought of it almost made her tear up. To think at one time she hadn’t planned for him to be involved at all. “It was stupid. It was stupid for both of us to be standing there trying not to cry when, for once, we could solve the problem. So I asked him to stay.”

"I'm happy for you guys," Michaela smiled. "I truly am. I know we've all had our issues in the past, but I wanted you to work it out. For her more than anything. She deserves that, Laurel. The rest of us are screwed up, but we can still break that cycle. We don't have to carry all that shit, sorry, around the rest of our lives."  

Michaela had a point. They had made so many mistakes, done things they weren't proud of and never spoke about. The only thing they could do was make the right choices going forward. "Have you seen Annalise at all?"  

"Not a single time all summer," Michaela replied. "We're all better off. We all had jobs this summer. Which you would've found one too if you’d been able to work. Imagine that! Us doing it without her." Laurel could sense the angry sarcasm in Michaela's voice whenever she spoke about Annalise. Laurel had mixed feelings on ever crossing paths with the woman again. True enough, knowing Annalise had brought with it some of the worst, most heartbreaking moments of her life. At the same time, Laurel was very much aware that without Annalise there would have been no Frank. Without Frank there would be no Claire. It was a complicated issue to dwell on.

"I told you Bonnie came to see her, right?" Laurel asked. She had been so shocked that she was unsure who she had told.  

"No!" Michaela was practically sitting on the edge of her seat now. Laurel really had fallen down on the job of sharing gossip.  “She literally had the nerve to come over here?! When?”

Laurel nodded as she folded some of Claire's tiny clothes. "It was a few weeks ago. Frank wasn't at home. He was in court that day, which I suspect she knew. She came over, brought a gift for her, apologized for everything that had happened. It was about as awkward as you'd imagine it to be." It had been the longest forty-five minutes of Laurel's life. It was no secret to her that Bonnie had developed feelings for Frank and unwarranted animosity for her.  

"I don't get her blind allegiance to Annalise," Michaela said. "Or her problem with you. You two never had problems before. Or, well, nothing other than the usual issues one has with Bonnie."  

"You know they slept together."

"Who?" Once again, this revelation found Michaela on the edge of her seat.  

"Frank and Bonnie," Laurel replied.  

"WHAT?!" Claire startled in her arms. "Oh," she whispered. "Auntie Michaela is sorry, don't wake up, don't wake up!" She looked back at Laurel, silently, but her face demanding an answer.

"When he was in Coalport," Laurel explained. "It's a long story, but Bonnie went there and they slept together. He and I weren't a thing and at the time he had no plans to come back here. He was going through some really messed up stuff. We hadn't talked since I saw him there and she happened. I got with Wes shortly after, so it's not like I could be mad when he told me, but yeah.....Bonnie."  

"Boned your Baby Daddy," Michaela said. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, if you'll recall, she boned Asher too. And not just once."  

"Oh, God...." Laurel replied. "She did."

"The way I see it," Michaela said with a look of pride on her face. "You know we're better in bed."

"Michaela!"

"We are. I don't even want to know what you do to Frank," Michaela rambled. "All I know is he's followed you around since he met you. Never mattered what happened, he came right back."  

Laurel laughed. This was a far different Michaela from the one she met a couple years earlier.  _ That _ girl wouldn’t dare discuss sex, now Laurel felt like the prude in the room. "I prefer to believe it's because he loves me, but...."

"Oh, that’s just the grown up, Mother of his child version of you talking," Michaela explained.   

"Is that the polite Michaela Pratt way of telling me I'm old and boring now?" Laurel absolutely owned it. She had come to love old and boring. The excitement of the past few years enough to last a lifetime.  

Michaela smiled. "Now Laurel, you know I love you....."

Laurel tossed a pair of socks in Michaela's direction, "Whatever. I like going to bed at 9:00. Sometimes we even stay up to watch the news."  

"This just keeps getting better." Claire started crying, interrupting the conversation. "What's the matter, huh?" Michaela gently bounced Claire in her arms as she tried to quieten her down. Michaela struggled with her a few more minutes before she threw in the towel. “Ok, back to Mommy you go….”

“Claire,” Laurel said, putting the shirt she was folding back in the basket and reaching out to take her from Michaela. "Oh, I see what Auntie Michaela was up to. You need your diaper changed.”

“I didn’t even know that,” Michaela said immediately. “I don’t have your freakish Mom sense or however you can tell she needs a diaper change from fifty feet across the room.”  She  watched as Laurel changed the diaper like she’d been doing it her whole life and got Claire redressed. "How do you do that? I wouldn't know where to begin."

"You would," Laurel said. "You learn fast."  

"Where is she going to stay when we start back to school?"

"Frank's Mom," Laurel replied. She could feel her anxiety rising whenever she thought about going back to school and leaving Claire for the first time after being home with her all summer. Knowing his Mom would be watching her did help ease it some. "There is no way I could do daycare. I'd be a nervous wreck every single day."  

"I would be too," Michaela agreed. "I can't believe this will all be over in May. School, I mean. God, it's been a road, huh?"    

"To say the least," Laurel smiled. The tiny girl in her arms was the only thing she thought about when her journey in Philadelphia came to mind. Well, the tiny girl and the guy that helped make her. She put all the negative stuff aside and focused on the positives. "It doesn't seem possible. You thought about where you might go after graduation?"  

Michaela was quiet for a minute. "My plans are to stay here. It's where Asher will be. You guys are going to be here. It's my home now."  

"That’s the best news I’ve heard all day," Laurel said excitedly. She never imagined Michaela would actually stay. "If I can become a Philly girl then so can you." If someone had asked her at the beginning would she be staying in Philadelphia, Laurel wouldn’t have even honored them with a response. “We’re all one big dysfunctional family now, like it or not.”

“We totally are,” Michaela agreed. She knew very well, there was no way she’d survive without the very people she swore she couldn’t stand upon meeting them. Losing Wes had made her realize life was far too short to silence what she really wanted just because it may not seem the most logical. She was staying in Philadelphia. These guys were her people.

She watched as Claire looked around, completely content in Laurel’s arms. “My God, did you steal your Daddy’s eyeballs and put them in your head?”

Laurel laughed, “I told you!” The minute Claire heard Laurel’s voice she looked up at her, a little smile forming on her face. “Hey beautiful,” Laurel said sweetly. That got another smile out of her. “I love you! Yes, I do!” The more she talked to her, the more Claire interacted back, completely mesmerized by everything Laurel said. “Daddy is going to be jealous that you gave some of his smiles away. You were only smiling for him.”

"That's the sweetest thing ever," Michaela said. "That has to feel so surreal. To know you are the most important person in her little world. She depends on you for everything. Or, well, it's sweet when I'm talking about you and your baby. Scares the crap out of me to think of myself."

Laurel quietly laughed. She knew exactly where Michaela was coming from. Sometimes it still terrified her. "It's so worth it, I promise. I can have the worst day where nothing has gone right and then she looks at me and all of a sudden none of that matters ."  

“Yet she’s been holding out on you when it comes to smiling,” Michaela said. “Giving them all to Frank.”

"She literally lights up when she sees him.” Laurel kissed one of her little hands. "I get all the feedings, most of the diaper changes, I get screamed at throughout the day and then he is the one she lights up for." It melted her heart, but she had to give Frank a hard time about it whenever he was around.  

Michaela laughed, "Daddy's Girl. It'll serve you well, Princess. I have a feeling he'll be unable to tell you no about most things."  

"Yeah," Laurel agreed. "That's going to be a problem for sure." It already was and she was just two months old. Frank was totally smitten with her.  

"Ok, so…." Michaela said, getting up and getting her phone ready. "We have to send Uncle Asher a picture, Claire. We'll send him a selfie."

"Michaela," Laurel said, as Michaela practically got in her lap to get them all in the picture.  "Seriously? When I look like this?! If it had been anyone but you, they’d still be standing out on the sidewalk!" She knew it was a pointless argument. Michaela was going to get her picture or else. She sighed as she gave in and held Claire between them.

"Oh, hush," Michaela replied as she held the phone out in front of them. “Like you’ve ever had a bad day when it comes to looks. You even looked good when you were half dead in the hospital. Now, smile. 1...2...3!” She quickly snapped the picture and immediately inspected it.  "Aww, that’s good! Those eyes," she said, showing the picture to Laurel. "Good luck resisting those when she figures out how to use them." She quickly started texting the picture to Asher, and if Laurel knew Michaela, several other people. "It's your first selfie, Claire!!

"It's actually not," Laurel said. "Frank did the honors."

"Don't ruin this for me," Michaela popped back.  

She couldn’t help but smile as Michaela texted the picture to who knows how many people. There was a time when Laurel wouldn't have pictured any of this for herself. Actually having a relationship with Frank, sharing a child with him, becoming close friends with classmates to the point she considered them family, or staying in Philadelphia after graduation.  

None of what happened upon her coming to Middleton could have ever been predicted. Though the good things, she was discovering, were just that way.  

 


	5. Shadow

Frank was no stranger to chaos.

As a matter of fact, he’d spent the majority of his thirty-five years dealing with it. Having a kid rivaled just about every chaotic situation he’d ever faced. On the outside, Claire looked dainty, completely incapable of causing such disarray. Everything about her so girly and delicate that no one would expect the havoc she could unleash. She was a tiny tornado, blowing through and leaving a path of destruction much bigger than her. She could destroy a room in record speed, have food from head to toe the second they turned their backs, and all the while look completely angelic.

 _That_ was a trait he insisted came directly from Laurel.

Other times, she was the sweetest, most mild-mannered little princess he could have ever hoped to have in his life. One look from her and he was useless. Every single ounce of him belonged to her. She was the reason he got up every day and tried his best to put his past behind him. She was the reason he did his very best to contribute something good for as long as he lived. He could never truly atone for his past sins, but he could try to live a life worthy of his little girl.  Without her, Frank was certain he would have stopped trying a long while ago.

Frank watched as Laurel stripped her down to her diaper before securing her in the high chair. They'd tried dinner with her fully clothed before and quickly discovered there wasn't a stain remover on the market that could save the clothes she had worn that evening.  

It only took a couple seconds for her to start protesting her confinement as if she had been locked away in a cell and saw Laurel toss the key. "Claire," Laurel said. "Give me a minute. I'm going as fast as I can here." She continued cutting the lasagna up into small pieces while Claire kept letting them, and the majority of Philadelphia, know she wasn't pleased. Not only did she get Laurel’s personality, she also got her patience. Or lack thereof.  

"You aren't goin' fast enough," Frank teased. "She's a Delfino."  

Laurel looked at him, the faintest hint of a smile on her face,  "Oh, I’m well aware." She finished up and put some of the lasagna directly onto Claire's high chair tray. "Now, you eat. Daddy cooked this just for you." She was hours from turning a year old, but she was already a fan of Frank's lasagna. She was so specific about food that Laurel was convinced she had given birth to a pint-sized connoisseur - especially when it came to Italian food.

Frank laughed as she immediately started picking up small pieces of the lasagna and shoving them in her mouth. "Hey," Laurel said. "One piece at a time." She pulled the high chair over next to her so she could watch and intervene if necessary. "You’d think we never feed her."

"Again," Frank said. "She's a Delfino." He watched her with the same amount of wonder as he had the day she entered the world. He thought at some point that would probably go away, the amazement that she was theirs, the fascination with every new thing she did - it hadn’t. He was pretty certain now that it never would. “Oh, she’s also started usin’ her hair as a napkin. Just a warnin’ for you.” That discovery came while he fed her breakfast. She decided her yogurt was better in her hair than on her hands.

“Well, that’s great!” Laurel laughed. She’d be lying if she claimed to be surprised by anything Claire did. She had such a personality that at times Laurel wasn’t exactly sure where she came from. Frank insisted that part of her was all Castillo, but she begged to differ. Both she and Frank were more introverted, completely content to stay in the background until they were absolutely sure of their surroundings. Not Claire - she was out of the shoot the second the door opened.

“How was Bar prep?” Frank asked as he ate.

“Ugh,” Laurel groaned. The thought of the end being in sight both thrilled and terrified her. They had made it through so much, things none of their other classmates were even aware of. Things that Laurel sometimes had to remind herself were real and had actually happened. It wasn’t some nightmare she’d eventually wake up from. She was so ready to put it behind her, to move as far away from it as possible. The girl that came to Middleton three years ago, full of ambition and still hanging onto some semblance of innocence, no longer existed.

At the exact same time, she was terrified of leaving her comfort zone. As screwed up as the past three years had been, they were familiar. She couldn’t hate every part of her experience; some parts she wouldn’t trade for anything. The man in front of her and the baby girl next to her the two main reasons she’d never be able to regret her decision to come to Philadelphia.  “I feel like I’m probably going to fail and have to wait until February to take it again and then what? What am I going to do for seven months?”

“You’re not gonna fail, Laurel,” Frank assured her. She’d never failed at anything in her life and he was positive it wasn’t going to start with the Pennsylvania Bar Exam.

“But if I do!” Try as he might, Frank knew there would be no convincing her.

Frank sighed. “If you do then you’ll figure it out!” If she had no clue, then he wasn’t entirely sure why she expected him to. “You could do an internship somewhere. You’ve got connections, someone would hire you while you waited to take it again. You could do something else completely unrelated. You could stay home with her and study for the next one. Whatever you do is fine with me.”

“I’m just worried,” Laurel admitted. “It’s all coming down to two days. Every single thing I’ve learned the past three years.” Frank knew the fear of failure was so very real to her. All the times her Father had told her she was wasting her time, all the ways in which he didn't support her; if she failed then in some twisted way he’d be validated. Frank was confidant Laurel would pass, but it made him sick to think that no matter what she accomplished, her Father still had a hold on her. 

He’d heard her same concern what must have been a thousand times over the years from students that passed through Annalise’s class or law practice. Most of them passed and most weren’t nearly as smart as Laurel. “I’m not worried. You’ll see.”

“Maybe so. Nothing I can do now, but take it, huh?” Laurel cut up some carrots she'd steamed and placed them on the tray while Claire was busy with her lasagna. Claire had never liked carrots, but at the suggestion of her Mom, Laurel kept trying. She was greeted by a messy face and a smile as Claire handed a piece of lasagna in her direction. "That's yours. You eat it!"  

"Ma Ma...."

Laurel smiled. "Yeah, that's yours. I have some, but thank you." Frank could count on one hand the number of meals Laurel had most likely eaten hot since Claire had arrived. She was so focused on everything their daughter did or needed that she rarely worried about herself. What she did for herself, she did at lightning speed now. Showered, dressed, ate, used the restroom, you name it – Laurel had figured out how to get it accomplished in half the time it used to take. Frank spent most of their time home together completely amazed by all she managed to accomplish in half the time it took him.

"What do you put into this? Crack?" Laurel asked, finally taking a bite of her own food. “I could literally eat an entire pan of it.”

"Can't tell you," He smiled. Before he could continue, his attention was drawn to Claire, who had discovered the carrots. They watched as she picked one up with her little fingers and dropped it over the side of her high chair tray.  

"Claire." Laurel scolded, quickly reaching down and picking the carrot up as another hit the floor. "Claire Rosabella Delfino," she said more sternly. "No. Do not throw your food."  

"Well, you're no fun," Frank joked.

"Frank. Don't laugh at her."  

As if she had said nothing, Claire dropped another one over the side onto the floor, clapping for herself as if it were a game. Frank stood and went to the kitchen to refill his drink and to get away from the table for a bit. Not laughing at something Claire did was impossible and he knew very well Laurel would kill him if he encouraged their daughter at all.

Laurel sighed. She reached for Claire's hand and took the carrot she was holding. "Mommy told you to stop throwing carrots. You eat them. You don't throw them."  They were quickly learning that trying to discipline a one year old was about as easy as traveling to the moon. Laurel took one of the carrots off the tray and popped it in her mouth, "See? It's good!" She picked one up and held it toward Claire, "You try it! It's yummy!" She was met with the Claire patented head shake and a little hand pushing hers away.  

The same blue, puppy dog eyes she'd been getting from Frank for years stared up at her. The eyes that guaranteed her defenseless against whatever was going on. The eyes that made her feel guilty for getting aggravated in the first place. "Don't look at me like that," Laurel said to her. "You are SO much like your Daddy with that! Not even a year old and you know how to use those things.”

"She can't resist those, Claire." Frank said as he returned to the table. They’d been helping him out for years now.

"Da Da..." She said, kicking her little legs. Always excited he'd returned as if his few minute absence had been a week long.

"No, she can't resist them," He repeated. "And I can't resist anything you do, so where does that leave us?"

Laurel laughed even though the thought was terrifying. If she was this headstrong now, Laurel often wondered what would they do when she was a teenager. "Probably paying for everything we did growing up."  

"God, I hope not.” There was no way his sweet, innocent girl could even come close to half the crap he’d gotten into growing up. He got a small bit of chopped tomato from his salad and put it on Claire's tray. She immediately picked it up and popped it in her mouth. "See, we have a similar palate. We understand one another. Don't we, baby girl?" Claire smiled in his direction, rendering him completely powerless against her. Laurel was on her own when it came to discipline. 

Laurel looked on in disbelief. "I was in labor with her for ten hours, had the c-section from hell, and she turns out to be a Daddy's Girl. There is no justice in this world." She secretly loved it, but she had to give Frank a hard time. Nothing melted her heart more than seeing how gentle Frank, who was not that way by nature, could be with their daughter. Everything from his voice to his mannerisms became softer when he was interacting with Claire.

Frank smiled. "Really isn’t." He didn’t deserve her, that was one truth that remained ever present in his mind. These moments would pass too fast. There was a time when he thought his Mom had no idea what the hell she was talking about when she would reminisce about him and his brother as small children. She’d talk about those days as if they just happened and thirty plus years hadn't passed. He understood now. The past year he’d found himself begging time to please slow down, but just as his Mom had discovered, time waits for no one.

"The positive being," Laurel said as she put the remainder of Claire's lasagna on the tray. "Next time I won't have to deal with all of that. We just show up for a scheduled c-section."  

"Next time?" Frank raised a brow at that statement. They had never, not even once, discussed the possibility that they would have more than just Claire. "You plannin' somethin' I don't know about?"  

"Or not," Laurel replied. Frank could see she wasn’t expecting the reaction he’d given her, but he was sincerely confused. They’d never discussed the possibility of more children, and until she brought it up, he assumed she was on the same page. "I just assumed you'd want more than one child seeing as how you come from a large family."  

"I…." Frank said before stopping himself. Of all things, he didn’t want this to come out wrong.  "I never thought I'd have her. She's a miracle, Laurel. Then I almost lost you. I just don't think I can go through that again." If he was being completely honest, he also didn't believe he could ever love another child as much as he loved Claire. It was impossible. “Plus, you’re just finishin’ school, takin’ the Bar, startin’ out in your career….”

“I never said I wanted to get pregnant again NOW,” Laurel replied. “Of course, it’s not a good time. She’s still a baby. I just meant when she was a little older, maybe in a couple years, you’d want another one.” She didn’t want Claire to be alone. If her brother hadn’t been around growing up, Laurel would have felt even more isolated than she already did. Though she knew her daughter’s life would be nothing like her own had been, it made her sad to think about Claire without siblings. The little secrets between them, the fights, the memories made - the good memories she did have, for the most part, included her brother. “If you don’t, then that ends the discussion.”

Frank remained silent as he watched Laurel, everything about her betraying what she had just said. If he was completely honest with himself and with her, he would’ve told her that he wanted whatever she did. He just wanted her to be happy. The thought of actually making the decision together to have another child, of watching that child grow and develop while being happy about it and at peace, and of seeing another little being they’d created together brought into the world - he could think of nothing he wanted more. Some things, though, just weren’t worth the risk.  

There had been some bumps in the road as they figured out how to navigate their relationship, but the past year had been too good to be true. Frank was always waiting to wake up and realize it had just been some sick, cruel dream. Despite everything he’d done in his life, he had Laurel, he had Claire, so there was no way the universe, God, whoever would allow him one more thing. One more undeserved blessing that was completely inexplicable. The fear of losing Laurel or a baby was so real that he could hardly stand it. There was also Claire, who could not grow up without Laurel. There was no way he could raise Claire alone. It had almost been his reality once - he wouldn’t tempt fate again.

He watched her get up from the table, taking her plate to the kitchen so she could start cleaning up. Her words betraying her overall tone. He knew the difference between hurt and angry. Angry Laurel popped back immediately, unwilling to let him get a word in. Hurt Laurel withdrew into herself and preferred not to talk about it, hating to feel vulnerable and exposed, even to him. “Laurel, babe….” She continued loading the dishwasher without stopping to look up or acknowledge him at all. “Look, I didn’t say any of that to hurt you or make decisions for us.”

“Da da!” He looked at his smiling baby girl, covered in lasagna, and couldn’t help but quietly laugh.

“Claire Bear,” he said, standing up to get her from her high chair. He was reminded why they always gave her a bath directly after dinner. He grabbed a package of baby wipes Laurel kept nearby and started trying to clean her off enough as to not leave a trail of sauce from the dining room to the bathroom. “You ready for your bath?” As with every other question she was asked, she shook her head in response.  “Too bad. It’s happenin’, Princess.”

“Her pajamas are on her changing table,” Laurel finally spoke up. “Just try not to get her too hyped up or I’ll never get her to sleep.”

“We not doin’ this together?” They always did bath time together. In the beginning they were both terrified to give her a bath alone, convinced the soapy baby would slip out of their hands. As time went on, it just became a thing they did after dinner. “She’s gonna wonder why you aren’t in there.”  

“Oh, so now I’m wrong for not standing over you while you give her a bath?!” Hurt had now given way to angry.

He finished cleaning Claire off best he could and held her while she busied herself by patting his cheek, pulling his ear, running her little hand over his beard, and multiple other things he’d rather not have going on when gearing up for an argument.  

“What’s goin’ on with you?” He asked. “I’m sorry, ok? I’m sorry you’re upset ‘cause of what I said. It caught me off guard.” His answer would have been the same, but his delivery could have been better, he did admit that.

She let out what he could only interpret as a sarcastic laugh, "Frank, it's fine. Really. I shouldn't have assumed. I'm not one hundred percent sure I even wanted more than her, but I was willing to put that aside for you."  

"Don't do that," he replied. Laurel was no stranger to using passive aggressive behavior. He loved her more than it made sense to, but that was one thing that drove him crazy. "Don't act as if you're willin’ to do somethin’ for us I'm not."  

"It’s not an act, Frank," She grabbed a baby wipe and reached up to wipe a spot on Claire’s face that he missed. "Just stating facts. If the situation were reversed and it was you suggesting having another child so she would have a sibling one day, I would at least consider compromising.” Not only was she passive aggressive, but she was soon to be an Attorney. A deadly combination, far as Frank was concerned.

"You know what, Laurel?! If you want more children, then maybe I'm not the guy for you. Sorry you had to settle!" The moment it came out of his mouth, he regretted it. He knew there had been no settling between the two of them. The universe started pushing them together the first time he saw her in Annalise’s class. So many things had tried to rip them apart, but they always found their way back to one another. To suggest she settled for him, when he knew very well she had fought just as hard, was wrong.

He could see the tears forming in her eyes, her chin quivering as she tried her hardest not to cry, but saying nothing. She reached up and took Claire out of his arms. “I’m sorry, I didn’t....” The moment she had Claire in her arms, she turned and made her way to the bathroom, clearly not intending for him to follow. “Laurel…”

Causing her upset killed him. Looking into her eyes and knowing he’d caused the pain he saw was almost more than he could stand. So many things in her life had been far more difficult than they should have been. So many people had disappointed her when they should have been the ones protecting her from it. Frank tried his hardest to keep their relationship uncomplicated, but this one thing mattered too much to give in.

No matter how hard they tried, it seemed they always came back around to the same argument in some form or another. Laurel wanted one thing and he wanted another, or she wanted something he couldn’t give her. He thought back to when they let it get completely out of hand and it made him sick. He refused to go there again. He wouldn’t.

 

 

**Month Three**

 

_September_

  


 

The morning had gone about as well as Frank imagined it would go.

It was Laurel’s first day back to school and her first day away from Claire. The worrying over every situation, both realistic and completely insane, had started the night before. He was pretty sure Laurel had packed every item Claire might possibly need for the next year in her diaper bag. She had written a list that was at least a mile long for his Mom to follow that had every detail of their daughter’s daily schedule down to the minute. She knew exactly how many bottles to pack and the times Claire would be hungry. She had basically wrapped the day up and handed it to his Mom in a neat package with a bow on top.

Unfortunately, none of that made her feel any better about leaving.

Laurel was fiercely independent, always had been. She had no desire to quit school and give up on her future career to stay home with their daughter. That was a fact most people knew about her. However, she forgot all about that when morning came and it was time to go.

The crying had started much earlier than that. Frank woke at 5:30 to her missing from their bed. He found her in Claire’s room feeding her and crying. It never really stopped from there. He’d talked to her, tried to reassure her, tried to reason with her, but nothing helped. Finally, he decided she was just going to be a mess until she adjusted to the change. Armed with that knowledge, Frank decided to proceed accordingly and tread lightly until her mood improved.

When she finally made her way out the door, he’d sent Michaela a text asking her to let him know how Laurel was once in class. He had the job of dropping Claire off at his parents’ house. On the way, Michaela reported she was still weepy and not even Asher had been able to get her mind off it. If Asher couldn’t distract her, the problem was worse than he thought.

That is how Frank found himself hanging out in the Middleton Law School building waiting for Laurel to get out of her last class of the day. He’d left work early, picked Claire up, and decided that getting to see her immediately after she was finished for the day might help in some small way. Claire was currently drinking her bottle, finally resolved to realize if she wanted to eat, this was the only route for the time being. His Mom reported the couple feedings at her house hadn’t gone so smoothly. Apparently, Claire had a temper.  

It was weird being back in the building. A place he had frequented multiple times a week for over a decade. He knew it like the back of his hand. He knew where every office was, bathroom, vending machine, the best exits to take if he wanted to avoid Annalise and any work she might throw his way if she spotted him. _Annalise._ He knew this wasn’t her lecture day, else he probably wouldn't have come. She was the last person he wanted to run into.

Frank was haunted by what he had done every single day of his life. Even worse since Claire had arrived. Every milestone she hit, every sweet toothless grin she gave him, every coo or noise she made - he was painfully aware of the fact that Annalise had been robbed of those things because of his actions. There was _nothing_ he could ever do to right that wrong. Absolutely nothing. At one time, he thought maybe there was some way he could repair what they’d lost. Once he held his own daughter, he knew that relationship was destroyed forever. He didn’t know what stopped her from killing him.

He looked into the blue eyes of his baby girl as she looked up at him and felt his heart break a little more. He never meant for it to happen. He would have never hurt Annalise in any way. Still, it didn’t change the outcome. He should have told her, ripped the bandaid off that night at the hospital and taken whatever punishment he received. He shouldn’t have listened to Sam. He should have known how twisted he was, how conniving. He didn’t, though. Young and stupid was the theme of that entire tragedy and Frank knew the only thing that would fix it was to turn back time.

He knew very well he didn’t deserve the baby girl in his arms, but God how he loved her. Knowing what he did and loving that little girl beyond reason was more punishment than the legal system could have ever doled out.

“Frank?!” His thoughts were interrupted by the last voice he expected to hear.

He looked up to see Bonnie walking in his direction. For a split second, he didn’t know if the look on her face was friendly or if she was about to cause a scene. “What are you doing here?!”

“Waitin’ on Laurel,” he replied. “How’s it goin’?” He knew it probably wasn’t the best greeting for someone he once considered his best friend. So much had changed between them to the point she may as well be a stranger. He didn’t know her at all anymore.

“Came to drop something off to another Professor and grab something for Annalise from her office,” she explained. She walked closer to get a better look at Claire. “Look at her…..she looks more like you every time I see her.”

“Crazy, huh?” He smiled. A brief sense of panic washed over him as he watched her sit down on the couch across from where he was seated. He hadn’t given her an invitation and the last thing he wanted Laurel to be hit with was Bonnie hanging around the second she walked out of class. From bad to worse is not where he wanted to take her.

Bonnie simply watched them for what seemed like forever. It had never been awkward between them, not even once, and now Frank wanted nothing more than to bolt out of there. “She’s so pretty. She’s also gotten bigger! I’m sure Laurel told you I stopped by to see her a month or so ago?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “Thanks for the gift, by the way. Didn’t have to do that.”

“Sure, I did,” she smiled. “Technically, we’ve known one another a lot longer than you’ve known her Mother. Of course, I had to come see your baby and bring her a gift. That is what friends do.” He would hardly call them friends anymore, but he didn’t feel like it was the time or place to correct her. He also knew those comments could have been pointed and laced with sarcasm. There was a time he would have known without doubt what her intentions were with anything she said. Claire had stopped sucking, so he took the bottle from her mouth and sat her up in his lap to burp her.

“So...you and Laurel working it out?” He wasn’t at all surprised Bonnie went there. He may not know her currently, but he knew who she was at her core. She had never been afraid of confrontation.

“Yeah.” Almost as if she sensed the conversation needed to change directions, Claire let out a loud burp. They both laughed. “If there was any doubt she was mine, huh?”

“Oh,” Bonnie laughed. “You couldn’t deny that one even if you wanted to. Do you mind if I hold her? I didn’t ask Laurel the day I visited, didn’t know how she’d feel about it.”

Frank didn’t know how she’d feel about it either, but didn’t want to ruin the amicable mood of the conversation. “Uh,  yeah, sure…” he said, standing from where he was seated to walk to Bonnie.  He gently passed Claire to her, taking a seat next to them on the couch so he wouldn’t be too far. He was well aware this could go one of two ways when Laurel came out of class and discovered his present company.

“Hey, Claire…” Bonnie said softly. This was a side of Bonnie that Frank had never seen before. She was usually all business, never letting her guard down with anyone long enough to actually come across as friendly. Claire could apparently crack even the toughest nut. “You are just the sweetest little thing. She’s keeping her eyes on you.”

“I’m not goin’ anywhere, Princess!” Frank smiled, leaning down to kiss her little head. “Not without you.” This was the first time in well over a year he and Bonnie had carried on a conversation like they used to have all of the time. They had crossed a line they never should have crossed. He instantly knew that, but he now realized it had taken Bonnie longer to see that they would have been a disaster together. Take Laurel out of the picture and they still wouldn’t have been right for one another. “You gonna smile for me? Yeah? I know you smile for Mommy. Found you out!”

“How is Laurel with her?” Bonnie asked. “I gotta admit, when I found out she was pregnant and was going to go through with it, I didn’t know. I just mean she’s so career driven. I didn’t see this for her for a long time, if ever. I saw Michaela as the soccer Mom.”

“Laurel’s no soccer Mom,” Frank said quickly. “She’s the best Mom, but she’s no soccer Mom.” Laurel wasn’t a conversation they were going to have. For most, he would have said he understood what they meant and moved forward. Coming from Bonnie, he couldn’t help but feel defensive when it came to Laurel.  “Don’t think she knew it till it happened, but she was made to be a Mom. You can’t really know till you’re in it. She’s great though. Amazin’ with her.” He could tell that wasn’t the answer Bonnie was looking for, tension very apparent, but she brought it up so she was going to get an answer. Laurel was an amazing Mom. No matter what Bonnie thought of her.

Bonnie forced a smile. “Well, I’m happy for you. Glad you finally got those babies you wanted. Or, well, got this baby.” He knew exactly what she was referencing. That night in Coalport. “Who knew Laurel would be the one to tame you?” He had known. He knew the second he saw her that she had that kind of power over him.

“Baby D!!!!” They heard the distinctive voice of Asher coming from the direction of the lecture hall. Frank looked up to see him headed toward them as the other students trickled out of the auditorium doors behind him. Bonnie immediately stood, supporting Claire’s head as she smiled at Asher.

“Bon Bon,” Asher said. “What’s up, girl? You got Baby D here?” He reached out to take hold of Claire’s little hand. “How’s my main girl? Give me some skin!” He touched his palm with her tiny hand. Any other infant on earth would have been crying hysterically at this point, but Claire smiled at him. As much as it pained him to admit it, Frank had accepted that his daughter liked Doucheface.  “Your Mama been missin’ you, yo!”

He spotted Connor and Michaela and was beginning to wonder where Laurel was when he saw Michaela turn to talk to someone behind her. It wasn’t long before he realized that someone was Laurel and she was coming in their direction mere seconds after Michaela had informed her of their whereabouts. “Come here, my sweet girl,” Frank watched as she took Claire from Bonnie without saying a word. She hugged Claire to her and kissed her little face repeatedly. “Mommy missed you so so much. What are you doing here?” Frank caught the glare she shot in his direction and knew she wasn’t too happy about seeing Bonnie with their daughter when she got out of class.

“Just thought I’d bring her to see you soon as you were finished,” he explained. “Ma said she had a good day!”

“You’re always good for Nonna, aren’t you?” Laurel said as she got a smile and coo out of her. “Yes, you are! You scream at Mommy and Daddy half the night, but you’re good for Nonna!”

“Frank,” Bonnie said once she was finished catching up with Asher. “I’m gonna go, was great to see you. She’s beautiful.”

“Thanks,” He replied. The tension as soon as Laurel walked up impossible to ignore.

“Yes,” Laurel finally said. “Thanks, Bonnie.”

That tiny interaction so uncomfortable that he could look around and tell everyone in their small group felt it. He knew Laurel had her reasons for feeling the way she did and he wouldn’t begrudge her of those. He was just tired of the drama, tired of walking around on eggshells when he might be in the same place as someone the group of four no longer wanted around, tired of everything concerning the fallout that happened after Wes died.

He walked over and wrapped his arms around Laurel, resting his head on her shoulder. “Ate her whole bottle. No drama.” If she was going to act like nothing was wrong, then he would do the same. It was easier than having an argument neither would win.

“Good girl!” Laurel smiled. She turned her head toward Frank, giving him a quick kiss. “Thank you for bringing her.”

“Yep,” he smiled. “You ready to go?”

“Not until Auntie Michaela gets a turn with this one,” Michaela said as she took Claire from Laurel. The second Michaela had her, Connor and Asher flocked to her wanting their turn as well.

“We’re never getting out of here….” Frank said quietly.

Laurel smiled. “Probably not. So what was Bonnie doing here?”

Frank shrugged, “Dropping something off, I think she said. She approached me, sat down, asked to hold her….”

“You don’t have to explain, Frank. I never said anything.” Her words  were laced with the hint of a defensive tone. They weren’t going to do this. Frank decided. They’d come too far to be thrown off track by one interaction with Bonnie.  He tried to ignore the fact that it was completely acceptable to talk about Wes far as Laurel was concerned, but not about anyone from his past. Thinking about it would do no good.

Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of Claire beginning to cry. “Ok,” Laurel said as she infiltrated the huddle around their daughter. The second she was in Laurel’s arms it was as if nothing had been wrong. She was generally a happy baby, but once overwhelmed it was over. That group was enough to overwhelm anybody. 

“Uncle Asher is scary, baby girl, I know,” Michaela said to her.

“Wasn’t me! She likes me! It was Connor.”

Connor shoved Asher, “Is not! Everyone’s creeped out by your dumb ass!”

Frank laughed. There were some parts of this group that he did miss. “It’s hard to admit, but I’m pretty sure Doucheface is right.”

He and Laurel got Claire secured in her car seat and said their goodbyes to the group. Laurel was unusually quiet, obviously still not pleased that Bonnie had been around and that he’d been civil to her. She’d deny it, but he knew that was the problem. “So,” he said as he walked to her car. “Today was good?”

“Yeah,” she replied. “I mean it was weird not having Wes there, but it was good.”

Frank chose to ignore the comment about Wes. He refused to pretend that everything would have been fine had Wes lived and Claire still come along. If he was being honest with himself, it pissed him off that Laurel didn’t see it. Or rather, she  refused to see it.

He could have said something then. He thought about it, but ultimately decided to keep quiet and save an argument. Frank knew in the end it never worked, but that didn’t stop him from repeating past mistakes. It would come back around. 

It always did.


	6. I'm Alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As previously mentioned, this is completely a work of my imagination. It is nothing that could or would ever happen on the show. I simply started writing as a way to take my mind off what was actually playing out each week. It's mostly fluff, maybe some angst on the way, but it's about as far from the actual happenings as I could get. 
> 
> Thank you to those who read along and I hope you enjoy.

For most of her life, Laurel’s world felt off-kilter. She never really knew where exactly she fit in. She’d grown up perfectly content to sit on the sidelines and watch others. Even at home, her brother was the favorite; the one their parents put all their hopes, dreams and responsibilities on. She was the pretty one. The one that was supposed to be perfectly happy being the rich, entitled daughter of a powerful man. The one who wasn’t supposed to have any ambition of her own. 

The feeling of being just another face in the crowd changed when she came to Middleton. For reasons she would never understand, out of every student in Annalise’s class, Frank noticed her. She’d asked him many times what exactly it was about her that caught his attention, but he’d never say. He’d just give her that smirk she loved so much and tell her he had good instincts.  


So much had happened since that first day of class. They’d both done things that haunted them. They had secrets they’d keep protected for one another always. Secrets big enough to alter their very lives. They’d tried being together and failed, they’d gotten back together only to fail again, there had been other people, he’d left town and she spent months looking for him before going to her Father, of all people, for help.  


Then Claire happened and their lives didn’t seem so terrible anymore.  


As unconventional as their relationship might seem to some, Frank was the first man that ever made her feel truly safe. She’d never doubted that he loved her. Even when she swore she was done with him, even when she told herself to hate him, even when she told him he should have died instead of Wes, she still knew he loved her. He was the first person in her life that she knew put her first and would do anything for her. All those years of coming in second to someone or something, and then he came along and made her feel as if she was the center of his universe.  


It’d taken Laurel a little longer to realize what exactly she felt for him and even longer to tell him. She knew she loved him the night she stood in the basement of Annalise Keating’s house and denied it to his face. She’d tried to convince herself that she didn’t, certain she’d almost succeeded a couple times, but in the end it always came back to him.  


It would  _ always _ be Frank.   


No doubt her life would have been far less complicated had she denied her heart what it so desperately wanted and decided to be with someone else.  


There had been Kan. The smart, kind, ambitious man who wanted nothing more than to do good and make a difference in the world. She didn’t know how her life would have gone had she quit her job at Annalise’s to go work at Legal Aid. She couldn’t imagine that she would have been completely happy, but at the same time, she was doubtful that she would have even known it. Happy relationships weren’t something she had seen a lot of.  


Then came Wes. The guy that came from absolutely nothing, but against all odds had a brilliant future in front of him. It was still hard at times to think of her friend.  _ Friend. _ She had given it much thought over the last year. At times, allowing it to take her to a very dark place. A place full of  _ what if’s, _ _ maybe's,  _ and  _ if only’s. _  She’d come to the conclusion that when it came to Wes, she was exactly what she was supposed to be. His friend.   


She loved him, she would never deny that. Not in the way she was supposed to love him, not in the way that she knew he loved her, but in the way that mattered. She was  _ someone _ when he had no one and well over a year later she hoped that when his life ended he knew that. She hoped he left this world feeling a little less alone and a little more loved by their mismatched group than when they’d started at Middleton. The remaining four the only family Wes had known in his young adult life.   


He deserved so much better than what happened to him, but Laurel finally knew and accepted that she was never supposed to be that happy ending for him. An ending somewhere on a blank page he never reached and they’d never see.  


Laurel held Claire in her lap as she sat on the edge of the tub waiting for the water to fill enough for her bath. She had tried so hard to keep the tears from falling, she had dealt with the most painful lump in her throat, but in the end she couldn’t help it.  


Sticking around and dealing with their issues was new ground for them both. At times Laurel hated it. She hated the vulnerability that came along with figuring their shit out. Hiding those feelings was much easier. Running away was much easier. They had done that before and found out it didn’t work. Figuring things out because of the little girl in her arms was the hardest thing she’d ever done.  


She was so in love with the man she knew was currently beating himself up in another room. She loved him beyond reason. Her hurt and anger came in when she realized that no matter how far she thought they’d come, Frank just couldn't let go of the past. He couldn’t stop punishing himself; waiting for the other shoe to drop. He’d proven that time and time again over the past year. In many ways, she understood the guilt he lived with. What she didn’t understand was him allowing it to take from the family they’d made together. It wouldn’t bring anyone back.  


They had agreed to put everything they had into their relationship, raise Claire together, and at times Laurel thought maybe she had been on a different page from him all along. Where she thought moving forward was the direction he wanted to go; he’d been perfectly content to remain stagnant, beating himself up every time something good happened.  


As hard as it was, Laurel knew there was no one else out there for her. Frank was the one, issues and all. For him to suggest that maybe there was someone else, and in turn perhaps suggest there was someone more suitable for him - it hurt more than she could even admit. She didn’t want anyone else. She wanted him. She wanted him to want the same things just as much. She wanted a life with him. She wanted children. She wanted to stop allowing their years with Annalise to control everything. What she didn't want was to live in constant fear all because he couldn't forgive himself for past sins. They had lost too much already.  


In so many ways, their lives had been destroyed by their involvement with Annalise. It’s not that Laurel blamed her for everything, but the world she lived in was toxic. Some days Laurel believed they’d both gone down that path because it eventually led to one another. Other days, she felt like everything that happened to them was a result of poor choices and they just happened to be a couple of the lucky ones. By lucky she meant alive, not incarcerated, and somehow able to function in society despite the past couple years and all they’d been through.  


As soon as the tub filled to the appropriate level, Laurel placed Claire in the shallow water. She immediately started splashing the water with her little hands and giggling the most adorable, infectious laugh. Laurel couldn't help but smile when she heard it, no matter how she felt in that moment. Their daughter was so happy, having no idea the struggle her Father faced every day, remembering his past while watching her grow and change. Laurel never wanted her to know. She wanted to keep her safe and protected from anything bad.  


Laurel kept hold of her little hands as she walked all around the tub. She tossed some bath toys in, hoping to distract Claire long enough to get her clean. The guilt she felt was ever-present. She felt guilty for being gone all day and then rushing to get Claire fed, bathed, and in bed so she could have a moment to herself. A moment where she was just Laurel. She wasn’t Mom, law school graduate, or any other part of herself that had to give until there was almost nothing left at the end of the day.  


Most of the time she tried to focus on the positives. She’d pass the Bar, get a job, fall into a routine, and somehow make sure the family she and Frank created never went through any of the things she’d gone through growing up. She would be successful because of the people who said she wouldn’t be. This perpetual exhaustion was just a season.  


On her worst days, all she could hear was her Father when she first told him she was pregnant. There were no congratulations, not that she ever expected there to be, but there was also no support. Instead, she heard how much money he felt had been wasted paying for her years at Brown and Middleton. How he’d always known Frank was no good and would only bring her down. How in this day and age, there was no excuse for an accidental pregnancy and even insinuated she did it on purpose. How “taking care of it” was a no brainer and he couldn't believe she’d be foolish enough to actually keep it.  


Despite the hard times, the lack of support from the very people who should have been there, and the feeling of being pulled in a million different directions - Laurel wouldn’t trade Claire for anything. Not one single thing.  


She sat Claire down in the tub, receiving a look that let Laurel know that was not what she wanted to do at that particular moment. “DA DA!”  


Laurel laughed to herself, “No, you don’t get to call for your Daddy when I make you do something you don’t want to do.” A year old and already well aware she could get away with anything when it came to Frank.  


At times, the irrational side of her wondered if maybe they would call it quits. The darkest, most terrifying part of her mind held those fears that she tried so hard to stay away from. She wondered if Frank would all of a sudden decide he didn't deserve either of them and walk away. Deep down, she knew that fear was completely unfounded, but in the worst moments - she went there.  


If it were just her, he probably would have already left. Ran from her for fear he wasn’t good enough and would only hurt her. She knew he loved her more than anything. She also knew the demons he struggled with and that she alone wasn’t enough to anchor him. She’d tried before and it hadn't worked.  


Claire was.  


Their little girl was enough to keep a grown man, plagued with so much hurt and guilt, steady. She calmed him. She did more than anyone else had ever been able to do for him and she didn’t even know it. She’d probably never know just how much she’d saved him simply by coming into the world.  


Laurel grabbed a washcloth and attempted to bathe her busy girl as she walked around the tub, squatting down to fill some little cups with bath water, before pouring them out too close to the edge of the tub and getting the front of Laurel’s shirt wet. “Really, Claire?”  


She managed to get Claire’s hair washed as she continued walking around the tub, tried to drink the bath water, and attempted to climb out a couple times. Laurel knew without a doubt that being able to bathe a mobile baby was a far greater accomplishment than anything she’d done academically. She was also reminded why she and Frank always tag teamed bath time. “This was so much easier when you just stayed in your baby tub, you know it?”  


Finally finished, Laurel grabbed a towel and picked Claire up, wrapping her tightly to keep her warm. She hugged Claire to her as she took in her clean baby smell. It was hard for her to believe just one year ago, she had no idea how much her life would change in a matter of hours. Her due date had been three weeks away, and like most first timers, she foolishly believed she had at least twenty-one days to prepare herself. The nursery was ready, she had packed hospital bags, so she decided to spend the last three weeks on mental preparation.  


That never happened.  


Instead, a little over twenty-four hours later, she was suddenly a Mom. Now that she had a year of experience under her belt, she knew it was impossible to prepare no matter how many weeks one thought they had left.  


Claire yawned as she rested her head on Laurel’s shoulder, “You sleepy? We need to tell Daddy goodnight first. He’ll be sad if you go to sleep before he sees you.” No matter what was going on between the two of them, Laurel made sure it didn't affect their daughter at all. She never wanted Claire to grow up hearing fights between them like she had heard between her parents.  


When she entered their bedroom, she found Frank already in bed. Awake, clearly waiting on her, but unsure if she wanted him there. She could tell that by the look on his face when he saw them enter the room. “I’ll go sleep in the spare room...”  


Laurel laid Claire at the end of their bed, starting the nightly struggle of putting lotion and a diaper on a baby that had no interest in either. “Frank,” she said. “I don’t want you to sleep in the spare room, ok? We’ll talk later, right now I just want to get her to bed so I can finish what I have left to do, so I can do the same.” So many things had changed, one being she slept horribly when he wasn’t there. Kicking him out of their room was more punishment for herself than it was for him. “You can stay on your side of the bed, but I don’t want you sleeping in another room.”  


“And here I thought I was gonna get lucky tonight…”  


“Frank.” She wrestled Claire into her pajamas, the whole time their baby girl trying to flip over on her stomach so she could stand and walk to Frank. Laurel picked her up the second she fastened the last snap on her pajamas and stood her on their bed, “Go see him!”  


She watched as Claire walked as quickly as her little legs would carry her to Frank before squealing out as he grabbed her up and kissed her cheeks. “You smell good now!”  


Laurel walked around to stand next to Frank’s side of the bed, picking up his dirty clothes and socks as she went. Yet another battle for another day when she wasn’t so tired. “Tell Daddy you always smell good!”  


Frank tickled their daughter; her squeals and laughter filling the room. She would never deny it being cute, but she was tired. “Claire Bear, it’s time to go to your bed.”  


She watched as Claire laid down next to Frank, holding onto his arm. Clearly understanding what Laurel had just said. Trying not to crack up, she saw Claire look up at him, two identical pair of Delfino eyes meeting in an almost silent exchange. “Gotta ask her. She’s the boss,” Frank said, pointing in her direction.  


“Frank, you know I’m trying to wean her,” Laurel sighed. “And when she sleeps with us, she thinks she needs to nurse half the night and that is going to put us back to square one. I’ve gotten her down to bedtime and naptime.” She wasn’t sure why she was trying to explain this to a man who hadn’t been the one to breastfeed for a year. Especially Frank, who thought Claire should get whatever she wanted. “It’s never you she hangs on all night.”  


“She’s just turnin’ a year old, Laurel,” Frank said.  


“And?!”  


He looked at her. “So why’s it a big deal if she’s not weaned yet? Upsets her, so probably means she’s not ready.”  


“When you grow a pair of boobs, we’ll talk.” Laurel replied. “How about this, you work on learning to say no to her and I’ll figure the other out.” That would keep him busy for a while.  


Laurel held her arms out toward Claire to take her from Frank. She was met with a whine, as Claire hung on to Frank even tighter. “I give up,” she sighed, leaning over Frank to kiss Claire goodnight. Their night was ending, but her night was still going strong. Swallowing her pride, she kissed Frank also. She’d been through enough in her young life to know you didn’t go to bed angry. “You’re creating a monster. Just so you know...”  


“Almost her birthday,” Frank reasoned.  


Laurel couldn’t help but roll her eyes at that statement while trying not to smile, “Like her birthday is different from any other day!”  


  
  
  
  
  


**Month Four**

  


_ October _

  
  
  


It was almost like old times as Laurel sat in Michaela’s living room along with Asher, Connor, and Oliver. Four of them studying for two tests they had over the next couple days and the other there to offer moral support, refill drinks, and cook dinner. It was so much like it used to be that she could almost trick herself into believing nothing had changed. 

_ Almost. _   


As they sat around discussing notes and topics, it was very apparent that someone was missing. Wes had always kept them on track. They’d get off topic, start talking about something completely unrelated, and he would always direct them back to task. Laurel was certain if he’d been there, they would be way further in the notes than they currently were.  


The baby girl in the doorway jumper was another addition that couldn’t be ignored. Frank was working late and his Mom had an afternoon doctor’s appointment, so Laurel had no choice but to bring Claire to study group. She’d brought her jumper, Asher had gotten it secured in the doorway, and she’d been totally content since Laurel had put her in it.  


“Look at her go!” Connor said. They were supposed to be studying, but instead were captivated by the baby girl bouncing in the jumper. “Who knew you could just hang them in the doorway.”  


Laurel smiled, “Best thirty bucks we ever spent. She loves that thing. It’s the only way I get anything done.” Without it, she was pretty certain she would have already failed out of her last year in law school.  


“You should see the one she has at home,” Michaela added. “The one that has all the toys on it. I feel cheated. We had to survive without all this stuff, though my crazy ass parents probably wouldn’t have known what to do with it.”  


“Did I hear somebody mention Mama Trishelle?” Asher asked on his way back from the bathroom. They watched as he stopped in front of Claire and bounced in time with her. “Baby D! You gettin’ a workout, girl!” She looked up at Asher and smiled.  


“That has to torture Frank,” Oliver laughed.  


Asher reached down to shake her little hand, “Your old man must accept you love Uncle Doucheface!” It had been a tough pill for Frank to swallow, but even he had to admit Claire liked Asher.  


“Asher!” Michaela scolded.  


“Uncle Asher, I mean….” Before he pulled his hand away, Claire spit up, all of it landing on Asher’s hand. “Dear God, someone help me!”  


Michaela rolled her eyes as she got up from where she was seated. Laurel handed her a burp cloth as she passed the sofa on her way to save the day.  


“Really, Asher? It’s just a little spit up.” She got a toothless grin as she wiped Claire’s mouth and face. “Hey beautiful girl!” The baby started cooing as Michaela talked to her. “Yeah,” Michaela laughed. “You are the cutest thing ever and I think you know it!”  


“She’s heard it a few times before,” Laurel responded. She was trying to concentrate on the work in front of her, but it was pointless.    


“Uh, Michaela,” Asher said. He held his spit up covered hand in her direction.  


She wiped his hand with the cloth and went right back to talking to Claire. “Uncle Asher is so dramatic. Yes, he is!” The more Michaela talked to her, the more Claire smiled and cooed back. Her love for the baby obvious to anyone that knew her. She’d more than kept her promise to Laurel when she said she would be there no matter what.  


“In his defense, it was boob milk that was spit on him.” Connor said bluntly.  


“That was from your tits, Laurel?!”  


“ASHER!” Michaela scolded again. “Oh my God, do you ever think before you speak? Wait a minute, I know the answer to that….”  


Laurel never looked up from her computer as she scrolled through jotting down notes as she read the text, “Shouldn’t have been in the line of fire.” The guys freaking out over the fact that she was using her breasts for what they were intended for was old news. The novelty had worn off. “Did she get it on her clothes, Michaela?”  


“No,” Michaela said as she gave Claire a once over. “Got some on her bib, but most of it landed on Asher where it belonged.”  


A half hour passed before they realized they’d gotten off track and had been discussing things that had zero to do with the tests they’d take in a matter of hours. “Ok, we have to focus,” Michaela finally said. “We’re never going to get through this if we don’t.”  


“You can tell our study cop isn’t here,” Asher said, his voice laced with a bittersweet tone. “We’d be most of the way through this with him on our asses.”  


Silence fell over the room.  


In many ways, they’d made it to that peaceful place one can only hope to make it to after losing a loved one. For some of them, there were days Wes never crossed their minds. For others, he made at least one appearance in their thoughts every day. The pain had morphed from so raw it physically hurt to talk about him, to a bittersweet pain that allowed them to share memories and laugh about how things once were.  


“He used to get so annoyed with us,” Laurel smiled. “Remember the “assignments” he’d hand out before we got started?”  


“Oh my God, yes!” Michaela replied immediately. “And you could always tell who he was pissed at because they’d get the worst assignment. I think we all got it at least once.”  


“Or every time.” Connor carried guilt around for a while where Wes was concerned. They’d not always gotten along, but Wes was still a part of their group. A group that had become family, even as they all tried to prevent it. A group he didn’t fully appreciate until it was permanently broken. Looking back, it was hard for him to imagine trying so hard to keep these people as strangers. “Or whenever he knew Frank was still around, Laurel got it. Gave me a break!”  


“Yeah,” Asher said as he pointed to the baby. “You’d be getting them every time now, Castillo!”  


“No,” Michaela said quickly. She walked over to get Claire out of the jumper. “No one, not even Wes, could have resisted this adorable girl!” She could look and see the guys weren’t convinced. Wes hated Frank.  _ Hated _ him. At times, he even requested Laurel be left out of things simply because of her involvement with him. It was something she’d never tell Laurel, but she knew Wes felt strongly about it. Still, she liked to believe they could have all gotten beyond those feelings and remained close.   


Laurel did her best to ignore that conversation. It was no secret that Wes hated Frank. It wasn’t his nature to hate anyone, but Frank was the exception. During the last conversation they ever had, Wes admitted he would be fine with Annalise killing him. The last conversation. After the friendship they shared and the relationship they had just begun,  _ that _ was their final conversation. Wes storming out of the Law Clinic was the last time she ever saw him alive. Almost a year later, that was the memory that pained her the most.     


Wes had been unable to see the things she saw in Frank. The kind, gentle man that was incredibly flawed, but still protected her at all costs. The man that had protected Wes numerous times before without question or hesitation. All that aside, Laurel knew that Wes loved her. She couldn’t make her heart love him in the same way, but she knew her place in his. Claire was half Frank, yes, but she couldn’t imagine Wes being unable to see that Claire was part of her also.  


Claire started to fuss as Michaela walked her around the apartment. “It’s not so bad! No, it’s not! You want to see Uncle Connor?”  


“Nope,” Connor replied. “We’re perfectly happy with our relationship from afar, aren’t we, Claire?”  


“I’d take her,” Oliver said. “But I’m kind of busy in here with the food.”  


“It’s ok,” Michaela laughed as she continued walking the fussy baby around. “I’m just failing miserably here.” Nothing she tried was working, so she headed toward Laurel. “Ok, I’ve tried. She’s over me. She wants her Mommy! Here you go!”  


The second Michaela dumped Claire in Laurel’s arms, she was quiet. “She’s just cranky this time of day. It’s not you. ” Laurel kissed her before grabbing a baby wipe and cleaning her face of any spit up that may have been missed. She fished a teething toy out of the diaper bag and held it for Claire to chew on while she gently bounced her on her lap.  


“Couldn’t do it.” Connor said. “You gotta love something A LOT to deal with all of that.”  


“It’s not that bad,” Laurel smiled. She’d never tell Connor that she had days where she didn’t know how she did it either. “She’s worth it.”  


“She is!” Michaela agreed. “At first I thought there was no way it could work, but she’s fit in. Or we’ve adjusted into her world. I’m not really sure which.”  


“Pretty sure we’re living in her world.” Laurel continued to keep Claire pacified as she and Connor went through another section of notes while Michaela and Asher started bickering about something she chose to ignore. She was feeling more and more overwhelmed by all of the information in front of her. “I’m gonna fail…..”  


“You too?” Connor said as he closed the notebook he’d been reading from. “So, next month….Wes.” That finally shut Michaela up as she and Asher turned to listen. “What are we gonna do, on the, you know….day? Anniversary? Whatever.”  


Laurel wasn’t sure if she was more shocked by the reality of a year passing since she saw Wes last or by the fact that Connor was the one to suggest they do something on the day. They all exchanged looks, unsure of what exactly they should do. “I haven’t really thought about it,” Michaela admitted. “We should do something though, definitely.”  


“Hang out?” Asher suggested. “Spend the day together. Go to the cemetery?”  


“That’s morbid,” Connor shot back. “Nobody wants to sit in a graveyard all day.”  


Laurel sighed, “Connor…..” She wasn’t doing this with him again. In the days after Wes had died, he’d said things that he might have believed but were hurtful. She’d done her best to get beyond them, and he’d apologized, but she wasn’t doing it with him ever again.  


“The whole thing is morbid,” Michaela defended. “It’s the reality of it, Connor. Besides, he meant a visit. No one is suggesting we sit there all day.”  


“Thank you,” Asher said. “You knew that, asshole.”  


“Who are you calling an asshole?” Connor asked.. “You wanna come over here?”  


“Guys.” Laurel rolled her eyes, “Stop.”  


They heard a knock on the door as they continued arguing about what to do on the anniversary of Wes’ death. Laurel knew it wouldn’t be their group if they didn’t argue before ultimately deciding on something together. It’s just what they did.  


“Frank!” Oliver greeted. They ceased their argument as they looked up to see him enter the apartment. The look on his face let them know he was very much aware he’d interrupted an argument. Some things never changed. Arguments between them at the law office while Frank and Bonnie did their best to keep them from killing one another.  


Laurel leaned down to kiss Claire on the cheek as she continued chewing on her toy. She laughed as a toothless grin spread across Claire’s face. “And you’ve spotted your Daddy. I don’t even get that reaction out of you.”  


“My God, she’s adorable,” Michaela said. “If you guys don’t want her, I could probably make room for her here….we’ll move Asher’s things out of the way..”    


Frank smiled. “Think we’re gonna keep her.” Soon as he made his way to where Laurel was seated, he reached out and took Claire, “Hey Princess.” He got another smile out of her as he gave her a kiss. “Sorry, stopped home to change. Goin’ to Ma and Dad’s for dinner, that ok?”  


“Yeah, of course,” Laurel said. “She has one bottle in the cold pack thingy in her bag. Your Mom knows where I pack them. I’ll be home before she needs to eat again.”  She stood, reaching up to take Claire’s tiny hand in her own. “Oh, and can you give her a bath soon as you get home from your parents?”  


“Think I can handle it.” Frank smiled, leaning down to give Laurel a quick kiss. “Call me ‘fore you head home, k?”  


“I will.” At times Laurel felt like his incessant worry was a little ridiculous, but she tried to overlook it and appease him. If nothing else, it kept the peace. She got Claire’s bag together while he secured her in the car seat. Laurel handed Frank the diaper bag before adjusting the car seat straps out of habit. “Bye sweet girl, no drama for Daddy, ok?”  


“Gets it from you,” Frank smirked.  


Laurel smiled, playfully pushing him in the direction of the door before saying her goodbyes along with the rest of the group. “I’m telling you,” she said, closing the door. “You’re all gonna miss her. The peace and quiet gets to be unsettling.”  


“Of course we will,” Michaela smiled. “She’s part of the group.”  


“Frank’s a good Dad, Laurel.” Connor was the last person she expected to hear that from. “I couldn’t take a baby anywhere by myself and he just does it.”  


“Thanks, Connor.” Laurel wasn’t quite sure how to respond. Connor had never been Frank’s biggest fan. Connor had never really been anyone’s biggest fan, so she knew not to take his compliments lightly. “And he is. He’s so good with her.”  


“She definitely has him wrapped around her finger,” Michaela said. “Used to be Laurel he was smitten with…..”  


Laurel laughed. “Yeah, I’m old news now. She’s his girl.” She picked her computer up, getting ready to start looking through notes again. “Wait. We got interrupted. We do need to figure out what we’re going to do for Wes.”  


“I agree,” Michaela said. “I like Asher’s idea, actually. Why don’t we spend the day together, go to his favorite restaurant even though none of us really care for it, and then visit the cemetery.”  


Connor agreed, “He’d like that. Forcing us all to eat there would be the highest honor to him.” Wes never did win the restaurant battle when the five of them were deciding where to eat, but he never stopped trying.  


“He would like that,” Asher nodded.  


“Pretty sure I’m the only one that  _ ever _ ate there with him.” In an attempt to be a decent girlfriend, Laurel broke down and allowed Wes to pick the restaurant. She had instantly regretted it, but it made him happy.   


It was hard for Laurel to believe it had almost been a year since they’d last talked to Wes. A year since any of them had heard his voice. Sometimes she had to concentrate to remember what his voice sounded like. She could vividly recall the panic she felt the first time she couldn’t remember. Little by little he slipped away from her until she was able to let go.  


It was hard for her to think about him being unaware of things that had since gone on in their lives. Regardless of the messy situation that her relationships with Wes and Frank had caused - he’d been her friend. When no one else in their group let their walls down enough to form a friendship, he had. It was hard for her to imagine him never knowing how their lives turned out. They’d all been so intertwined.  


For a long time after it happened, she could tell anyone on any given day how long it’d been since she spoke to him.  _ Two weeks….Three months, one week….Six months….  _ Then one day she simply stopped being able to remember. Somehow whatever hold he’d had on her for so many months after his death finally let go. Releasing her to be the kind of Mother her unborn daughter needed and allowing her to love Frank without the crippling guilt she’d felt for so long.   


There were so many things she was certain she’d forgotten. Things one of the others would bring up that would come slamming into her like a freight train. Conversations they’d remember, inside jokes between them, even favorites of his that annoyed most everyone else. It was slowly morphing into a good topic rather than something so painful they just tried not to mention it. Laurel never believed the  cliché of time healing all wounds, but it was true.   


If asked, she knew she’d be unable to tell anyone how she’d come out on the other side of the storm, but she had.  


They all had.  



	7. Same Old Same Old

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for the angst I mentioned before. Thank you to those who have left comments and kudos. I wasn't expecting those, but they are appreciated. As always, this is simply a product of my imagination.

He’d had better ideas.

It was 3:45 in the morning and Frank found himself in Claire’s room trying to rock her back to sleep. He and Laurel had been woken up repeatedly by little legs and arms flailing in different directions. The last wake up came in the form of a tiny foot to his chest. When he opened his eyes to see Claire lying halfway on top of a sleeping Laurel, he decided it was time for her to go back to her crib. Just when he felt himself becoming slightly annoyed, he’d see how peaceful she looked sleeping, and any hint of annoyance disappeared.  

The baby girl in his arms had completely changed him. Any part of him that was reserved, afraid to show emotion, afraid to open up - she ripped it all away. Nothing made him more honest with himself than she did. He cared about things he had never cared about before in his life. It was hard to believe it had been a whole year since his little life changer blew into the world at full speed.

Since the beginning, Frank was well aware he let Claire get away with a little more than he probably should. At only a year old, she already knew how to get what she wanted from him, Frank was certain of it. Those very distinct Delfino eyes, that sometimes looked blue and other times green, were her weapon of choice. He was a thirty-five year old man who had no defense against his one year old daughter. She knew he was the one to target. He suspected it would only get worse as she got older.

Watching Laurel over the past year with their daughter had been almost as amazing as watching Claire grow and change so rapidly. Laurel was everything he knew she’d be when he thought about her as a Mom before Claire arrived. Frank didn’t have much faith in himself, none at all really, but he knew she would be great. She was loving, patient, understanding, adaptable, and a million other things all rolled into one. A pushover was nowhere on that list.  

That would be him.

He looked down at the sweet, cherubic face of their daughter and knew he never stood a chance. If he could have foreseen where they’d be just one year later, he would have never believed it. A year ago, it was complicated. The only thing either of them knew for certain was that they loved one another and their daughter more than anything. Beyond that, they had no idea how they were going to coexist, let alone co-parent. It hadn’t been easy. It’d been unbelievably hard.  

In the past, they simply walked away. Painful as it was, it was the easy thing to do. It took a while to break that habit. Longer than it should have. Once Claire was a factor, walking away became less of a realistic option. There had been so many times since they came to that realization, including what happened hours earlier, that Frank wanted to walk away. He wanted to tell Laurel she deserved better, that she was crazy for having faith in him, and while it hurt at the time, one day she’d look back and thank him.

Claire had taken that option off the table. They’d finally managed to break that pointless habit. Rather than walk away, Frank had to somehow figure out how to deal with his shit. Shit he could easily ignore if he walked away. He and Laurel had to figure out how to resolve issues rather than run from them. The past year had taken them both and tossed them into a sea of emotions and uncertainty. It had been up to them to sink or swim, and there were times it seemed as if sinking was inevitable.

Despite the difficult times, there had been plenty of good. He chose to hang onto that. Even the chaotic comedy that was sometimes their life. At the start, neither of them knew a thing about babies and it was painfully obvious. There had been the early days when he was convinced one could die of sleep deprivation.

 

_Frank was certain, that somewhere in history, someone had dropped dead from lack of sleep. If he had to guess, the person had probably been a new parent. They’d most likely been pulled out of bed for the hundredth time and it finally did them in. They’d simply collapsed; their official cause of death: exhaustion secondary to living with screaming newborn baby._

_They were a week and a half into their parenting gig and neither were too proud to admit a newborn was kicking their asses. It seemed manageable the first few days, but now Frank was convinced those days were the last remnants of the autopilot they’d been running on._

_Laurel was still in pain from the c-section, exhausted from having a newborn attached to her around the clock, and her hormones were wreaking havoc. Frank had stopped asking her what was wrong when she, out of nowhere, started crying. The majority of the time she didn’t even know._

_He had no idea how he would ever go back to work. No idea how he could function day after day on no sleep. Worse than that, he had no idea how Laurel would ever go back to school. He was just thankful she had decided not to attempt a summer internship. She had three months at home to figure out how to juggle life and a baby before her final year of law school jumped in the mix. He'd watched her make it through a lot, but in his mind, that would be damn near impossible._

_Frank had no idea having a baby would be so hard. They always looked so peaceful on TV and in movies. They seemed peaceful when they belonged to other people. It was either all bullshit, or something was seriously wrong with their child. She was the most perfect little being he’d ever encountered, but all she did was eat, scream, and go through countless diapers and clothes. Prior to her birth, he’d made fun of the amount of clothes Laurel had for her. Now, he was pretty certain they’d run out before she was a month old._

_It was the stuff the baby books failed to mention. The books he painstakingly read into the wee hours of so many nights. Trying his hardest to learn everything he possibly could so he could get this right._

_He gently bounced a screaming Claire as he walked around the living room. So tiny she rested comfortably in his hands, but so loud he was certain every other tenant in the building was trying to figure out how to get out of their lease as soon as possible._

_Frank had no idea what time it was. He didn’t even know what day it was. The only thing he knew was they had been awake the majority of the past week and a half and they were hitting their breaking point. He was pretty certain he was witnessing Laurel crash into hers as she sat on the couch sobbing._

_“Hey,” he said to the screaming baby. “You gotta chill out, k? You gotta chill out. Your Mom is losin’ her mind and I never had one to start with.” She ignored his plea as she continued to cry loudly._

_“I don’t know what she wants!!!” Laurel cried. “I’m supposed to know what she wants!!! I’m horrible at this! I don’t know why I thought I could do this! And I haven’t washed my hair in SO long!”_

_Frank stood in the middle of the living room watching as she went from upset to hysterical in a matter of seconds. Without saying a word he walked over to her, screaming baby in hand, and helped her off the couch. “Go take a shower. I got her. She’s not the first woman to be pissed off and screaming at me.”_

_“What if she’s hungry?!”_

_Frank knew he was looking at Laurel as if she’d lost the tiny bit of a mind she had left, but he couldn’t help it. “She’s not hungry. You just fed her!”_

_“But what if she’s not getting anything and I’m starving her?!” Frank could only compare Laurel’s current state to a runaway train. The crying and irrational worry got worse by the second and there was nothing anyone could do to turn it around._

_“You noticed the amount of diapers she’s gone through?!” He didn’t know a lot about babies, but he knew for sure that Claire wasn’t, under any circumstances, starving. “Go get a shower. Take a break. She’s fine!”_

_He didn’t give Laurel time to hesitate before he pointed her in the direction of the bedroom. It’d buy him some time. Her Mom had moved her trip to visit up when she’d called and found herself on the receiving end of a sobbing Laurel, but it wasn’t soon enough._

_He quickly dialed the familiar number as he continued walking Claire around the apartment. As soon as he heard the other end pick up, he was pleading his case. “Ma, you gotta get over here….”_

_“What’s wrong?”_

_Frank briefly wondered if she’d gone deaf, but decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. “Don’t know! Baby’s done with us, Laurel’s lost it, we’re dyin’ over here….”_

_“You aren’t going to die,” his Mom laughed. “You two are doin’ fine! It gets better. Then they grow up and the real trouble hits…”_

_“Ma,” Frank said. “We’re on a sinkin’ ship. Laurel’s Mom won’t be here for a couple more days and we won’t make it till then. You comin’ or not?”_

_“‘Course, I’ll come over!” He’d never been more thankful in his life. All the stuff he’d gotten into so far paled in comparison to surviving a newborn._

_“Don’t tell Laurel I called you,” Frank explained. If she discovered he’d called his Mom for backup, then she’d somehow take it the wrong way and think he was insinuating she was a bad Mom. Not only were her hormones beating the shit out of her, she was also insanely sensitive. He could look at her the wrong way and she started crying. “Trust me. You wanna play along on this one.”_

 

Somehow they had survived it. A year later, Frank still didn’t know how. “Da da!” He smiled down at the wide awake girl, his frustration long gone. “What you doin’ awake? Huh?” She held onto two of his fingers with her little hands. “Need to be sleepin’. Got a big day today! Your birthday.”

A year ago he wasn’t even sure he wanted this. Being able to do it was another issue entirely. He was going through the motions; doing the right thing. He loved Laurel, but he was terrified to allow her, much less a baby, into his life. He’d tried countless times to get his shit together and it had never worked. It hadn’t worked for his family, for Laurel, or for himself. He had no faith that he could get things in order for a child. It wouldn’t be fair.

It would take almost losing Claire to make him realize how much he wanted her and how far he was willing to go to be enough for her. He’d never known fear like that before in his life. Not through everything he’d been involved in and done. A year later, it still got to him. The thought that things could have easily gone the other way that night. He wouldn’t have survived it. If he’d lost either Laurel or Claire, he simply wouldn’t have survived it. “Scared me to death when you were born, know it?” Claire was content resting in his arms, listening to him talk to her.

“You were so tiny. Thought I was gonna break you first time I held you.” He had never been as nervous as he’d been that day. He’d watched the nurses hold her. He’d sat by Laurel’s side as she held her for the first time. When it came his turn, all he wanted to do was tell them he’d pass. There was no way he could hold someone so tiny and perfect without tarnishing her in some way.

 

_He leaned down and kissed her tiny head as she continued to feed. Every noise she made, everything about her, drove her further and further into his heart. He knew there was no going back. He’d spend the rest of his life trying his best for her. “Sorry,” he apologized. “Didn’t mean to get in your space.”_

_Laurel smiled, “You’re fine. Not like you haven’t seen everything before. It’s kind of how she got here…”_

_He watched as the nurse examined Claire, making sure she remained stable during her feeding. “She’s doing great! Oxygen level is excellent! I’m thinking she’ll be discharged to the well baby nursery as soon as I give the report to the Doctor and get an order to transfer her! Gonna miss her. She’s a sweetheart.”_

_“Hear that, Princess?” Frank said sweetly. “Gettin’ outta here.” He had no idea what they’d do with her once she was out of the NICU and in their care, but he didn’t want to be away from her for a second._

_“Already a Daddy’s Girl,” Laurel said to the baby. “I’m in trouble..." Frank noticed her wince in pain as she shifted in the chair. He’d always known she was strong, but seeing her get out of bed so she could go to their daughter gave him a whole new appreciation. He knew she had to be in pain, but she’d only been focused on seeing Claire._

_He reached out, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear so he could see her face, “Hey, you ok?” He could tell she was trying to act as if everything was fine, but she wasn’t fooling him. “Laurel…”_

_She nodded, the unshed tears in her eyes a contradiction to what she was telling him. “I just think I’ve been up too long.”_

_“Push your button?” He asked._

_“I don’t want it to hurt her or be too sleepy to take care of her,” she replied._

_“Laurel.” That’s all it took for her to start crying. He knew her hormones were going to be all over the place. Add that to everything she’d been through and the pain she’d been fighting, and it was no surprise that she would hit a wall eventually. Still, it never got any easier seeing her upset. “Meds aren’t gonna hurt her. Doc wouldn’t give them to you if they would.”_

_“They’ll make me sleepy, though.” She wiped her eyes with her free hand as Claire ate. “How am I going to take care of her when she’s in my room if I’m knocked out on pain medicine?”_

_“I’m gonna be there,” he replied. “Not that I know what the hell to do with her……”_

_Laurel shook her head. “No, you have your own stuff going on. You’ve been wonderful and I couldn’t have done it without you, but I have to figure this out. I have to figure out how to take care of her by myself.”_

_Frank looked at her, confusion evident on his face. “You aren’t gonna be alone. I’m stayin’ while you’re here and I’ll be there when you go home…”_

_“Frank,” she interrupted. “You have work, your own life going on…”_

_Frank sighed. “Laurel, stop. Work’s taken care of. They know she’s here and that I’m out for a couple weeks. You really think I’m leavin’ her? I’m not. ‘Less you have me removed. You’re stuck with me for now. Long as you’re comfortable.”_

_Laurel smiled through her tears. “You’re the one person I am comfortable with right now. Safe to say you saw me at my worst yesterday.”_

_That was another thing Frank had absolutely no knowledge of until he witnessed it firsthand. Labor. Admittedly, he skipped those chapters in any books he'd read on babies. The pictures alone were what nightmares are made of. If things had stayed as they had been the first few hours, it wouldn't have been that bad. He was unaware that eventually all hell would break loose and the woman he was having a baby with just happened to be one of those people who refused the epidural for fear it would hurt the baby. There had been a few times he wanted to have her declared medically incompetent so he could tell the doctor to just bring the damn thing already._

_“You did amazin’.” He knew he would have never made it through all she had. There was no way. He would have opened the window and jumped out, relief in the form of smacking the ground below. After watching her go through everything, Frank was certain she could kick his ass any day of the week._

_“Not really,” Laurel replied. “Still had to have an emergency c-section.”_

_“‘Cause she’s a Delfino,” Frank smiled. “Already causin’ trouble.” He kissed the baby again. “Playin’ in her umbilical cord, gettin’ all tangled up…" He watched as she finished eating and curled up against Laurel’s chest. He was amazed that a baby so tiny came into the world instinctively knowing what to do._

_“Want to hold her?” Laurel asked. Before he could refuse, the Nurse had overheard and was back at their side to assist. “You want to see your Daddy?” Laurel said to Claire, kissing the baby as she continued to hold her close. “He hasn’t held you yet.”_

_“She’s got her wires and stuff still, IV…” Frank wanted to hold her, but he had no idea how. He’d never held anything that tiny before. She was safe with Laurel. In his mind, that is where she should stay._

_Before he could say anything else, the Nurse handed him a clean blanket and took Claire from Laurel. “You won’t bother any of these. She’s about to be disconnected from everything anyway!”_

_The moment she was placed in his arms, everything stopped. All he could focus on was her. He’d been worried the second he touched her that she’d start crying, somehow knowing he wasn’t good enough for her. Instead, she curled up against him much like she had Laurel, drawn to his body heat. “Hey Princess,” he said sweetly as he kissed her tiny head._

_He looked down to see her blink open her eyes slowly. “Hey,” he laughed quietly. “You wonderin’ where your Mom is? Wonderin’ who this guy is holdin’ you?” She kept her eyes open, content to stay in his arms. He could feel Laurel’s hand on his arm and hear her softly crying, but he couldn’t look away from the little beauty in his arms._

_“She knows your voice,” the Nurse said. “They recognize Dad’s voice just like they do Mom’s.”_

_“You ‘member me talkin’ to you?” He’d been around Laurel a lot in the latter part of her pregnancy. The more comfortable they got around one another, the more their boundaries lessened. In the past month or so, one of Frank’s favorite things to do was talk to Laurel’s stomach and feel baby kicks. He put his finger up to her little hand and watched her take hold of it. The tears clouded his vision before he could even attempt to stop them._

_“I think you won him over, Claire,” Laurel said._

_Frank smiled, “You got no idea.”_

 

A year later and he still couldn’t take his eyes off her. In the time he sat rocking her and thinking about some of the first moments he had with her, she had finally fallen back to sleep. Just as she did the first time he held her, she had a firm grip on his finger.

He knew he should probably get up and put her back to bed. They had a busy day ahead with family, friends, and her birthday party. As he watched her sleep, as sweet and peaceful as the day she was born, he couldn’t bring himself to move. The exhaustion was worth it.

 

 

 

**Month Five**

 

_November_

 

 

Frank entered the apartment a little unsure of what he’d find. Laurel’s car was downstairs in her normal parking spot, but that didn’t necessarily mean she was home.  It was the anniversary of Wes’ death and it had been a weird day. Their normal, playful banter via text throughout the day had been silent. He understood. Not on a personal level, but he understood it was a difficult day for her.  

Laurel was in the living room with Claire finishing up a feeding. “Hey,” he said, leaning down to kiss her. “Think next time you could maybe tell me if you pick her up from Ma’s?” They didn’t live near his parents. The last thing he wanted to do after a long day at work was drive around in circles.

Laurel closed her eyes, obviously just remembering that _something_ she’d forgotten. “Oh God, I’m sorry! It completely slipped my mind. I picked her up when it was time for her to eat and thought I could make it home before she had a meltdown. Didn’t happen.”

“You not go to class today?” He had no idea what she’d done all day. Usually, she gave him updates, text him from class, and kept normal mundane conversation flowing. Today, she’d barely communicated with him. She and the baby were still asleep when he left for work. He quietly slipped out and assumed they’d talk later. They’d exchanged a few texts throughout the day, all about Claire, but he had no idea what Laurel was doing or how she was feeling.

“No,” she replied. “We hung out this morning, had lunch together. Went to the cemetery for a while. Got her from your parents house and I'm leaving in a few to meet the others for dinner.”

He took Claire from her, kissing her chubby cheeks. He smiled as she started in with the hiccups. Annoying in most people, but adorable in his five month old. “Too much milk?” 

“Probably,” Laurel replied. “She’s been eating forever. You should have heard the fit she threw all the way home. Thirty minutes late on feeding her and you should have heard it. Thirty minutes!!”

“Starvin’,” Frank laughed, still enamored by the sound of her hiccups and the look of wonder on his daughter’s face as she had no idea where the noise was coming from. “Mommy never feeds you, does she?”  

“Oh no,” Laurel laughed. “The rolls on those legs are totally a sign of starvation. All jokes aside, I’m glad she ate that well. I really don’t want to feed her at the restaurant.”

“Wait,” Frank interrupted. “Why’s she goin’?”

He was met with a look of confusion. “Why wouldn’t she go?”

He took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts before answering her. He’d always tried so hard to be patient when it came to this subject. Wes was Laurel’s friend, he understood that. At the time of his death they were in a relationship, and after he died Laurel struggled. A lot. The parts of her grief he witnessed almost broke him. It killed him to see her hurt like that. If he could have, and despite how he felt about the guy, he would have brought Wes back just to stop her pain.

He did his best to always be aware and sensitive to that permanent part of her. When it came to Claire, he couldn’t find within himself the same understanding. As selfish as he knew it sounded, he’d always had to share some part of Laurel with Wes. There was never a time in their relationship the guy wasn’t somehow involved. Even in death, Frank still had to be ok with that small part of Laurel that would always be with Wes. Claire was the one thing he had with Laurel that was his. Only his. “‘Cause it has nothin’ to do with her. It’s cold out. She’s used to gettin’ her bath and goin’ to bed at a certain time. Enough reasons or should I keep goin?”

Laurel sighed. “I can see you’re in a lovely mood.”

“No,” he popped back. “I _was_ good till I walked into this!” He knew he should have turned around and walked out of the room then. Today was not the day to let anything get out of control. They were both on edge, so nothing good could possibly come from them continuing conversation.

“Excuse me?!” Laurel stopped what she was doing to look at him. “All of what, exactly?”

“Nothin’, Laurel.” He was done with the conversation. Talking while in their current moods would get them nowhere. “She’s not goin’. You go, enjoy yourself, but she’s stayin’ with me.”

He could see the look of defiance on her face before she ever opened her mouth. Laurel could be tenacious when it came to an argument. It killed her to lose or not get the last word. He tried to avoid arguments at all costs. “You’re not going to tell me what I can or can’t do with my baby!”

“She’s my baby too, Laurel.” He could feel himself growing more and more angry. She always brought this shit up. When everything was great she was fine with him having an opinion; cross her and suddenly her opinion was the only one that mattered. “You don’t have the upper hand here. You need to get that straight right now.”

“Is this about Wes?” She asked. “You never could stand it that we started dating. Is that what this is about? You finally telling me how you really feel?”

“Really?” He had to walk away. One more poke from her and he knew it was all over with. He could feel it. Things he’d tried so hard never to say to her were on the tip of his tongue. “Not even givin' that shit a response, Laurel. Just go out with your friends.”

She picked Claire’s diaper bag up and started packing it. It was clear to Frank that she’d picked this battle and intended to see it through. He walked over and put Claire in her jumper, choosing to ignore what was going on across the room.

“I’m taking her with me,” Laurel said once again. “You should have enough respect for me to not be a complete asshole today of all days.”

“Respect for you?!” It was over. Months of trying so hard not to unload everything he felt about this topic on her was coming to a very abrupt end. “How ‘bout you respect the fact that I’m her Father. How ‘bout you respect me enough to not take her to somethin’ for a guy she’ll never know! Shouldn’t know! Has nothin’ to do with her. Wes was your deal.”

“My deal?! Are you serious right now? My deal??” Laurel rolled her eyes, anger evident on her face. “And yes, she will know of him. He was part of my life. He was one of my best friends for years, Frank. Why wouldn’t I tell her who he was?”

“BECAUSE HE WOULDN’T HAVE ACCEPTED HER, LAUREL! Fuck! You that blind?” He could have heard a pin drop in their apartment. Even Claire stopped playing with her toys attached to her jumper and looked his way. He immediately felt like shit for screaming in front of her, but he didn’t feel like shit for what he said to Laurel. It was true. It had always been true.

“He could barely look at you 'cause of me,” he continued. “Maybe he got over it,  but what do you think he woulda done if he’d known you were pregnant with my baby? Huh? Think he woulda supported you knowin’ you lied to him 'bout not knowin’ where I was? Think he woulda reacted well to you tellin’ him those couple days he wondered where you were that you’d been with me? When he called you and you let it go to voicemail till you finally just turned the phone off. Didn't give a shit 'bout him then when we were busy makin' her, did you? I'm sure he woulda understood.”

Laurel looked up at him, tears threatening to spill over, but she said nothing. He could see he’d hurt her and even though he knew it’d kill him later, he wasn’t sorry for finally saying what had been on his mind every time she mentioned Wes to him as if they had been friends. They were never friends. Frank would be lying if he claimed to give a shit that he was gone. He felt for Laurel in that situation. Period.

“Only reason you can live in whatever bullshit world you want where he’s concerned is ‘cause he didn’t know ‘bout her. He woulda never accepted anything that was part of me.” He felt remorse, but he couldn’t stop himself. Everything he’d always wanted to say was pouring out.

“Happy now?” Laurel asked, her voice shaking as she tried not to cry.

“‘Course I’m not happy.” He was anything but happy. “Think I like havin’ to sit by while you idolize a guy that wouldn’t have accepted her? She’s the greatest thing in the world to me, Laurel. Only piece of Heaven I’ll ever see. To think 'bout him not acceptin’ her? Makes me sick! You wanna talk 'bout respect? Respect was me keepin’ my mouth shut all this time.”

“You didn’t know him,” Laurel said. “You knew the version of him you wanted to know. The version you couldn’t stand. You have no idea how he would have felt about her.”

“I do,” Frank replied, laughing sarcastically. “I do. ‘Cause if he could honestly say that he ignored you that whole summer and couldn’t look at you ‘cause of me…” He stood there silently, almost unable to continue. “Know what? You wanna pretend he was great, go ahead. Just leave my daughter out of it.”

She was openly crying now. “I want you out of here by the time I get home.” Her tears told a different story than the one she was trying so hard to tell at the moment, but her anger wouldn’t allow her to back down. “You know how hard this day is and you said those things to hurt me, so you just need to go. I can’t fight about this anymore tonight.”

No matter how much time passed, she still defended him. Defending him for something that concerned their daughter was too much. He was done coming in second. “You’re not shuttin’ me outta her life. Tellin’ you that right now.”

“Don’t you DARE bring her into this. This is about us, just admit that. It has nothing to do with her. I never said a word about shutting you out of her life, Frank.” She was furious. He’d only seen her that furious a couple times. One of which, when he came back from being gone for months. The other right after Wes died. “You have a right to be in her life, but you don’t have a right to be in mine if that is how you’re going to treat me.”  

Frank laughed. “You are unbelievable, you know it? You’re standin’ here defendin’ a dead guy that regardless of what you say would have never accepted OUR daughter. It’s got everything to do with her. I’m done, Laurel. You wanna live in some dream world, go for it.”

He watched her stand in front of him, tears streaming down her face. He had no idea how they’d gotten here. How after everything they’d been through and everything they’d worked so hard for they were standing here in this reality. “I’ll have my shit out soon as I can. I’ll be at Ma and Dad’s tonight.”

“Frank…” she cried, already crumbling. He wouldn’t. He would go as she asked him to do.

“I need to get a lawyer?” He asked. Minutes passed as he received no answer and she stood there crying. He could feel himself starting to break, want to wrap her in his arms, but he couldn’t do it anymore. If not tonight, it’d just happen another time. “We gonna work somethin' out about her or do I need to hire a lawyer, Laurel? Who am I kiddin’, you’d destroy me in court, I’d never see her again, but at least I’ll have tried.”

“I would never do that, Frank.” She continued crying, not even attempting to stop it. “I would NEVER take her away from you. God! I’d never do that to her!” It took her a moment to get herself together before she could continue. “We just need some time to cool down. I didn’t mean I want you gone for good.”

“I told you right after she was born that we weren’t doin’ this,” Frank said. “You asked me to get out. I’m goin’. This back and forth shit isn’t happenin', Laurel. Only thing I asked was for you to leave her out of it. You always defend him. Won’t even try to see my side. I’m not gonna compete with a dead guy, not gonna defend my reasons to you anymore. I love you so damn much, but we’re not doin' this.”

“So,” Laurel said. “You’re saying if I think we need a night or so apart to cool down that we’re just calling it? We’re done?”

“You asked me to go,” Frank replied. “You already called it.”

He was sure the reality would set in about the time she walked out the door. He was sure the weight of what happened would slam into him when he went to sleep in an unfamiliar bed in a few hours alone. He was sure the pain of everything that had just taken place would cut him to his core when he woke up the next morning to silence rather than the sweet coos of his baby girl when Laurel brought her into their bed for her morning feeding.  

The only thing he wasn’t sure of was how they got here.


	8. Where to Begin

Laurel was pulled from a deep sleep by the sound of Claire on the baby monitor next to her. Keeping her eyes closed, she felt around for it, silently praying it was just Claire talking in her sleep. Not that she’d ever done that before, but maybe just this once.

Thanks to Frank, it’d been a rather sleepless night. She loved Claire more than anything, but sleeping in the same bed with her was a different story. They’d both been kicked and hit most of the night by little arms and legs. Just as she knew would happen, at some point, Claire had decided she couldn’t sleep unless every part of her little body was touching Laurel in some way. Despite sleeping in only a camisole and panties, Laurel spent most of the night burning up but not having the heart to move Claire off her.

Slowly opening her eyes, she saw that Claire was wide awake and standing in her crib. 7:23 the time on the monitor screen. They really had to work on teaching her that days off were for sleeping in. She watched her for a few minutes, unable to believe the little girl on the monitor screen was a year old. She could hardly remember life before her. “Frank….”

She waited a few minutes, listening to Claire become more and more awake. “Frank….” She could tell by the sound of his breathing that he was still asleep. Normally, she would get up and let him sleep a bit longer. He’d done that for her more than once. Today that wasn’t happening.

She sat up in bed, letting her eyes adjust to the light, before patting him on the back. “Frank, babe, wake up...” Nothing. If she wasn’t used to this weekend ritual, where he allowed himself to sleep like the dead, she would actually think he’d died in the night, “Frank!”

“Hmm…..”

“Get up,” Laurel repeated. “Claire’s awake.”

“Time is it?” He mumbled.

“Almost 7:30.” She continued patting his back. If she stopped, he’d go back to sleep and the process would start all over again. “We can’t ignore her this morning. It’s her birthday.”

“Didn’t ignore her at 3:45 this mornin’,” he mumbled. “Didn’t get her back down till almost 5.”

“I heard you get up,” she replied. “One kick too many?”

“You knew I got up with her, but didn’t say anything?” The only reason he’d gotten out of bed and took Claire to her room was to keep from waking Laurel.

She looked at him as if he’d lost his mind. “You had to pick her up off me, so of course I knew you had gotten up with her. Plus, you never let Claire know you’re awake, honey. Rookie mistake.”  

“How’s she not exhausted?” Frank slowly sat up on the side of the bed. “Good thing we love her more than sleep.”

“Seriously,” Laurel replied.  

She watched as Frank stood and grabbed a t-shirt to put on. “You at least cookin’ breakfast at this hour?” 7:30 was perfectly acceptable during the week. His alarm typically went off at 6:30 on those days, so an extra hour would be wonderful. On the weekend 7:30 was practically sacrilege.

“Waffles and bananas,” Laurel said. “It’s her day. She gets her favorites.” She laughed as she watched Claire on the monitor standing in her crib, babbling to several of her stuffed animals. “Look…..she’s holding a round table in her crib this morning.”

Frank smiled as he watched her on the monitor. “Tellin’ you….don’t call her Little Laurel for nothin’."

Laurel rolled her eyes at him as she slipped some pajama shorts on and headed toward the bathroom.

“Hey...” Frank said as he followed behind her. “Last night, Laurel…”

She remained quiet as she put toothpaste on her brush before doing the same to his. Normally she’d be talking over him, arguing her side of things before allowing him to explain. This time, she decided to let him talk.

Taking her cue, he continued, “I’m sorry, k? I’m just….sorry. Shouldn’t have reacted that way to what you said. I’m tryin’ to get past everything, tryin’ to move forward, but I don’t always do so great with it. Not sayin’ the conversation is over, or that I’m sayin’ no to the idea forever, just sayin’ I’m sorry...”

Laurel finished brushing her teeth, allowing what he said to sink in. She didn’t want to fight with him. She wanted to figure their crap out like two adults should. She knew very well the part she played in that and she, too, had things to work on. All she had ever asked of him was to try his best. If this was the best he could do, then he deserved her support and not her storming off mad. She turned toward him, wrapping her arms around his waist. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have stormed off that way. I love you.”

Frank rested his head against hers, “Yeah? Well….I kind of love you too.”

Laurel laughed, hopping up to sit on the bathroom counter behind her as Frank moved toward her, coming to stand between her legs, “Kind of?”

“Mmmhmm,” Frank said as he lifted his hand to move her hair out of his way. Before she could say another word, his lips had come in contact with that spot on her neck he knew very well drove her crazy.

Laurel moaned softly as she turned her head to give him better access. “Don’t start something you can’t finish….”

“Who said anything ‘bout not finishin’?” He asked as he continued to place open-mouthed kisses on her neck.

Laurel didn’t have to answer. The little voice that came through the baby monitor was all the answer they needed. She felt him rest his head on her shoulder as he sighed. “Really?”

“Did you seriously ask who would stop this before it started?!” Laurel said, running her fingers through his hair. “Our little show stopper is who.”

Frank raised his head from her shoulder, leaning in to kiss her about the same time a very distinctive “Da da!” came through the monitor. They laughed as their lips met in a quick kiss. “You’re being summoned,” Laurel smiled.

Frank backed away so Laurel could get down. “She’s horrible with time. Up at 7:30, now this…..”

“This..” Laurel motioned between them, “She interrupts almost every time. I don’t think she wants siblings, and she has a sixth sense telling her when she should interrupt so it won't ever happen!” She was convinced their daughter had an extra sense that alerted her to the fact they were doing something she didn’t need to interrupt. Which, of course, always prompted her to interrupt.

“Wasn’t done talkin’ ‘bout that,” Frank said. “Just got distracted.”

Laurel could see it was bothering him. They had things to work out, but she wasn’t going to let it get in the way of their day. They’d figure it out; they always did. They’d made too much progress to allow this one thing to come between them. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him to her, hugging him tightly. The second she felt him wrap his arms around her, she knew everything would be ok.

“Better not keep her waitin’,” Frank said.

She kept her hands on his lower back as she followed him out of their room and down the hallway. “Don’t gotta sing to her this mornin’ do we?”

Laurel playfully pinched his side, “We’re singing to her at her party. Like it or not!”

“You know I got the voice of an angel,” he joked. Laurel slipped around him as he opened the door. They entered the room to discover Claire standing in her crib, a grin spreading across her face the minute she spotted them. Always happy, no matter the hour.

Laurel made her way to the crib, lifting Claire out and into her arms. “Hey, my girl! Happy Birthday!” She kissed Claire on the head as she felt Frank wrap his arms around both of them.

“Happy Birthday, Princess,” he said sweetly.

Claire reached up to Frank, “Da Da!”

Laurel smiled. “You don’t want Daddy!” Claire squealed out as Laurel tickled her. “No, you don’t! What’s so great about him?” She gave Claire a kiss as she watched her reach toward Frank again. “You better be glad I think this obsession with your Daddy is adorable, little lady! This time last year I was in some serious pain trying to get you here."

"Technically not yet," Frank said. He'd never forget that phone call long as he lived. Laurel telling him she thought she _might_ be in labor, but wasn't sure. It didn't take a genius to figure out her stopping every three or four minutes because she couldn't talk through the contractions any longer was a good indication she was definitely in labor. "You didn't call me for a couple more hours."

Laurel turned around to look at him, "I was in labor for however long I say I was in labor."

Frank smiled. "'Course! In labor for days!" It had felt like days to him also. He had never been very good with witnessing Laurel in any kind of distress. It would have been much easier if she had been one of those hysterical women you see on TV screaming throughout the entire process. Laurel was more the suffer in silence type. She refused any form of pain medication, afraid the baby had already been exposed to too many things with the fire and the medication she was on during her recovery. No matter what anyone told her, she wouldn't budge. When it got to the point of her holding onto him and crying through contractions that were coming one after another, Frank had to dig deep to not lose it himself. There wasn't a single thing he could do for her. The end result was one neither of them would trade for anything, but for Frank, it'd been torture. 

"Stop," Laurel laughed. "It felt like days even if it wasn't." Claire started to fuss as Laurel walked away from Frank toward the changing table. “You can see him once your diaper is changed.” Frank came over, reaching out to take one of her little hands in his as she started crying. “This what I have to look forward to now that you’re a big one year old?” Laurel asked her as she secured the new diaper.

Frank scooped her up the second Laurel finished, “Tell Mommy you can do what you want. It’s your birthday.”

“She’s so sassy,” Laurel said. “You hungry? You want some waffles and bananas?

“Nanas!” Claire said clearly. She refused to say certain names, but she had bananas mastered.

“Yeah,” Frank laughed. “Gonna turn into a monkey all the bananas you eat.”

Laurel went to her closet to get her clothes picked out for the day, “Guess who’s coming to your party!” Laurel grabbed a couple of options before turning around so she could see Claire’s reaction. “Uncle Asher is coming!”

“Ash!” Claire grinned.

Laurel laughed as Frank shook his head. “Freakin’ Doucheface. My kid would think he was great….” She knew deep down Frank really did think a lot of Asher, he just had to give him a hard time.

“Which one?” She asked, holding both choices up. She knew what he was going to say before he ever said it. She’d end up texting Michaela pictures of both outfits later for her opinion like she always did.

“Why you always ask me that?” Just what she knew he’d say. “Whichever one’s cheaper, you know it’s gonna get destroyed.”

Laurel rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well neither were cheap, but you already knew that.” If left up to Frank, their daughter would probably roam around in a t-shirt and diaper all the time. The amount of money she spent on Claire’s clothes was one of their harmless sore spots. She loved to spend, he loved to save, and there would never be any middle ground.

She watched Frank walk out of the room with Claire as she continued debating between outfits. Thoughts of where they were a year ago flooded her mind, leaving her with a bittersweet feeling. Back then, when she thought about their future, what had just taken place was in no way on the list of possibilities.

A year ago, she just hoped Frank would be involved in Claire’s life enough for her to know who her Father was and that even if he couldn’t always be there, that he loved her. She had no hope of him actually being in their lives in any serious capacity.

Laurel could vividly recall him sitting next to her bed in the Intensive Care Unit and telling her all about their baby girl. The way he spoke about the tiny girl and looked at the pictures he'd taken for her - Laurel knew he wasn't going anywhere. Frank had turned out to be the best Dad possible to Claire. When she thought of it that way, she didn’t mind at all that their daughter was clearly a Daddy’s girl. She was thankful for it.

 

**Month Six**

 

_December_

 

It had been a long, painful, trying month. Between school, work at the law clinic, trying to study for finals, and juggling Claire by herself - Laurel was exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally, and any other type that existed.

She sat in the floor surrounded by everything she needed to study for finals as Claire laid next to her on her play mat. The soft glow from the Christmas tree the only light in the room. It was two hours past Claire’s usual bedtime, but Laurel had let her nap when she shouldn’t have earlier in the afternoon. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now that she was still wide awake after 9:30, Laurel knew it’d been a mistake.

That had been the theme of her life over the past month. Making choices that she wished she hadn’t made. A month later, Laurel understood why Frank had gotten upset. She’d unfairly kept him in Wes’ shadow for a very long time. She’d mourned Wes in front of him. She’d made so much about Wes in the year after he died and Frank had never said a word. Then she attached the one thing Frank had that was solely his, their daughter, to Wes and that had been his breaking point.

She understood now. She truly did.

The first few days after their fight and Frank leaving, Laurel was certain he’d be back. They had fights many times before. Fighting is what they did. It was stupid to have let it get that far, but she couldn’t think of many arguments they had in the past that weren’t stupid. She’d quickly found out this time was different. Frank was staying with his parents until he found an apartment and they’d managed to work out a schedule when it came to Claire.

For the first time in the length of their very rocky relationship, Laurel feared there was no going back. Frank said he wouldn't sacrifice Claire for their drama and he’d meant it.

Laurel watched as Claire squealed and kicked her legs. It was obvious she had no intention of going to sleep anytime soon. “Claire,” Laurel said as she yawned. “Mommy is so so tired.” She picked Claire up and held her in her lap as she went back to reading over more of what seemed like endless notes.

The tears came without warning. It was as if she slammed into a wall she never saw in front of her. “I’m sorry,” Laurel said as she kissed Claire’s head. “I spent so much time worried about your Daddy screwing up and then I went and did it.”

Claire babbled and kicked her legs as Laurel continued holding her. “You have the best Daddy. I’m sorry I messed that up, sweet girl.”

In the past, she would have found some way to justify all that happened. Found some way to explain how she was right and Frank was wrong. This time she couldn’t. Frank had never said anything when it came to the process she had to go through after Wes’ death. Laurel knew very well that it most likely bothered him in some way, but he’d never said a single word. He'd been supportive of whatever she needed to do. He never said anything until she’d taken the one thing he loved most in the world, the one thing he protected with his life, and added it to the Wes pile.

Laurel stood from her place on the floor and slowly walked Claire around the living room. She silently prayed that sleep would somehow overtake the baby so she could get even a few minutes rest. She heard a text come through on her phone, but she was too tired to look at it. She’d been texting with Michaela, but even that had drained her of the small bit of energy she had left.

She wanted to call Frank. She wanted to call him, beg him to come home, but she couldn’t. If this is how their lives were going to go, she had to figure it out on her own. The irrational side of her wanted to yell at him that it was unfair. Claire was still too small to be away from her for long periods of time, so he didn’t get overnight visits yet. She wanted to remind him that while she was getting up at all hours of the night, he was getting to sleep all night.  

In his defense, he’d asked if she could pump so he could feed her overnight, but Laurel had been unreceptive to it. She was already having to do that enough with only being gone during the day. Her exhausted mind was having second thoughts on that plan.

Frank’s Mom was still watching Claire every day and had been nothing but kind when Laurel dropped her off each morning and picked her up in the afternoon. The only thing she had ever said was that she thought both she and Frank were being incredibly foolish and needed to see the bigger picture, which was Claire. Laurel knew she was right, but she had no idea how to go about fixing things between them.

“You get to see your Daddy tomorrow,” Laurel told her. “He’s gonna be as excited to see you as you are to see him.” For now, Frank got Claire on Wednesday evening and all day on Saturday and Sunday. On the days Frank had her, he’d bring her over at bedtime already bathed and ready for bed. He managed to make it look effortless, while her nights went a little less smoothly.

She walked the apartment for what seemed like hours, her notes long forgotten. Claire had finally rested her head against Laurel’s chest, but was still wide-eyed and not looking like sleep was anywhere on the horizon. The sound of the buzzer startled Laurel. It was far too late for company, but she was too exhausted to feel the least bit of anxiety about whoever might be downstairs waiting to come up.

She walked over and pushed the button to ask who was downstairs, doing her best to mask the annoyance. “Who is it?”

“Me.”

Laurel hit the button to unlock the door, thoroughly confused by who was on the way up. She went to the door as soon as she heard a light knock.

“Hand her over,” Michaela said as she brushed past Laurel to put her things down.

“Michaela,” Laurel said. “What are you….It’s after 11:00!”

“Yeah, and you’re exhausted,” Michaela said. “You haven’t even gotten a shower. Hand this sweet thing over to Auntie Michaela and go get a shower and some sleep. I’ll bring her to you when she’s hungry.”

“But,” Laurel said as tears continued to fall. She couldn’t even remember when she started crying.

“But nothing!” Michaela shot back. “I brought my things! Asher will be fine by himself. We’ll have a girls night!” She gave Claire a kiss and received a smile in return. “Yeah, you think that sounds fun? Just gonna be me and you though. Mommy has to get some sleep.”

She had no idea what she’d done to have a friend like Michaela. It had taken a tragedy to really bond them, but once it happened there was no going back. “Michaela, you have to study too!”

“Please,” Michaela scoffed. “I know that material forwards, backwards, and any other way you wanna throw it at me!”

Laurel had no doubt that was true. “I don’t know why I can’t get it together. Frank does just fine when he has her and I have you over here at almost midnight because you can tell I am about to lose it through a text!” She was doing nothing to make herself feel better.

“Yeah, and he has his parents, Laurel,” Michaela replied. “He’s not doing it completely alone. You are keeping up with a full load at school, including Law Review and Clinic. He works, yeah, but when he comes home his day is over.”

She walked over to wrap Laurel in a hug. “You’re gonna be ok,” she said quietly. “You know Asher and I are always always here for both of you. If you needed to stay with us a while so we could help out with her….”

Laurel couldn’t help the tears that continued falling. She had been without the true feeling of family for most of her young life and then she stumbled upon it with perfect strangers. “Thank you. So much. I swear when you guys have kids, you can dump them on me when you need a break!”

Michaela laughed. “I’m gonna hold you to that, sister. Now, quit talking to me and go get a shower and some sleep. Also, you don’t owe me anything. This is what family is for. I know neither of us are familiar with how that works, but…”

She leaned forward to kiss Claire. “Mommy will see you in a little while. Please behave for Auntie Michaela.” The last thing she wanted was for Michaela to experience a Claire Delfino meltdown.

“Tell Mommy you’ve got this!” Michaela held Claire in her arms, gently rocking back and forth where she stood. “Go.”

Laurel did as she was told and made her way to the bedroom so she could grab a quick shower and nap. As soon as she shut the door behind her she had to fight to not break down. She walked over to the bed, taking a seat on her side. Even though Frank had been gone for over a month, she still stayed on her side of the bed as if he was just in another room and would be coming to bed shortly.

Reaching out, she picked up a frame that held a picture of the three of them from Claire’s first Halloween. To an outsider, the picture showed a happy family. A young couple clearly in love with one another and the sweet baby in his arms. Most nights, it was the last thing she saw before she closed her eyes and she couldn’t bring herself to move it.

She stopped herself from looking around the room at the various other photos she had on display. Her personal favorite being one of Frank and a newborn Claire asleep on the couch. Claire was so tiny curled up on his chest. She missed that. The lazy Sunday afternoons when, without fail, Frank fell asleep with the baby on the couch watching football.

Making her way into the bathroom, she turned the shower on and quickly undressed. It had barely been over a month, but it felt like a lifetime. She was so angry at herself for not seeing all along what she’d been doing to him.

She had spent so much time convinced Frank couldn’t be the man she wanted for herself and their daughter, that she completely missed the fact that somewhere along the way she’d stopped trying. She’d stopped trying to put effort into their relationship, acting as if all the work had been his. He’d always been open about the fact that he wasn’t perfect, but if allowed, he could and would love her perfectly. She was the one who refused to believe it.

She had missed him more than she thought possible over the last month. She missed the playful banter they still had between them every single day. She missed watching him interact with Claire. She missed being able to curl up in his arms at the end of a hectic day and feel as if everything was going to work out somehow. She had never, for even a second, wondered if he loved her. She had never been confused on that fact, even during their worst times.

Laurel knew she loved him more than he would ever know, and she regretted not telling him that more than she had. He’d been the one to force her into that scary, vulnerable territory that was loving someone enough to destroy her. Maybe if she had told him just how much he meant to her more often, they wouldn’t be in their current situation.

She let out all the pain and frustration she was feeling, her tears mixing with the water pouring down over her. A year ago her life was a disaster. She’d lost Wes, she was pregnant with Frank’s child, and the last thing she wanted to deal with was the holiday season. This year was supposed to be different. This year was supposed to erase all the pain from last year.

Although it wasn’t what anyone would consider a major holiday, they’d had such a good time on Claire’s first Halloween. They had the youngest member of the Delfino family, but sitting out as everyone else took to the streets of his parents’ neighborhood to Trick or Treat wasn’t an option. Claire had received just as much candy as her older cousins who were perfectly capable of eating it. The memory of her and Frank bickering harmlessly over candy later that night was yet another stab to her heart. It was hard not to smile when she recalled him telling her the only way she could have one of his Snickers was if she came off one of her Reese's Cups. They'd spent way longer than a thirty-four and twenty-seven year old should have exchanging prisoners. 

Thanksgiving had been hard enough. She’d spent the morning with Michaela and Asher, before taking Claire to Frank’s so he could have his turn. He’d invited her to stay for dinner, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. It would be a painful reminder of just how far down the wrong path they’d gone.

Christmas would be unbearable. Rather than spend Claire’s first Christmas morning together as a family, Laurel would once again have her half the day and then hand her over to Frank for his turn. Her Mom was coming into town, but she still dreaded the day with everything in her.

When she finally made it to bed, she was so exhausted that she hardly remembered closing her eyes before she heard Michaela’s voice waking her.

She opened her eyes to see Michaela standing next to her side of the bed holding a hungry Claire. “Hey, sorry....I know you haven’t been asleep long, but she wasn’t falling for any more of my distractions.”

“It’s ok,” Laurel said as she sat up, reaching out to take Claire. “She usually wakes me up to eat about this time.” She got Claire situated so she could feed as Michaela crawled into bed next to her. “You didn’t have to do this. I love you for it, but you did not have to do it.”

Michaela smiled. “Well, you won’t come stay with us, so….” Both of them had begged her, and though it was tempting, Laurel stood her ground. “Asher was even trying to come up with ways to arrange everything so we’d all fit comfortably. You know when he gets an idea…”

Laurel leaned back against the headboard as Claire ate. Her tiny hand had a grip on Laurel’s hair. It was something she’d been doing for months and the reason Laurel never wore her hair up to bed. “I love you guys, you know that. It’s just if this is our new normal, it has to become that, you know?” She ran her hand over the small amount of hair on Claire’s head. The color still identical to Frank’s. “And I hate it. I hate it and I get mad at him, but I can’t really blame him.”

Michaela nodded. “I can’t blame him for feeling the way he did, but I don’t like how he handled it.”

Before Laurel could defend him, Michaela continued. “You know I love you. I’m closer to you than almost anyone. So what I’m about to say, I say with love, just know that. You took for granted that Frank would always be there no matter what you threw his way.”

Laurel remained silent as she watched Claire. She and Frank were and had always been a mess. From the very beginning, they’d screwed up again and again. The baby in her arms was the one thing they had gotten right. The one thing they’d done together that turned out perfectly.

“She changed him, Laurel,” Michaela said. “I know it sounds silly considering he’s what? Thirty-four? Thirty-five years old? I know it sounds crazy, but it’s almost like he finally grew up, figured his life out, whatever you want to call it, when she was born. He walked away from Annalise because of her, Laurel. This is Frank we're still talking about, by the way. Walked away from Annalise. Doesn't speak to her any longer because of that baby in your arms. I know there was drama between them, but who the hell else would Annalise depend on? None of them could disown the other for very long. I always thought he'd gladly go down with the ship should Annalise finally sink. So the guy that would stay around no matter what you tossed his way doesn’t exist anymore.”

Laurel knew she was right. It wasn’t easy to hear, but she knew Michaela was right. “I was so focused on him changing that I didn’t realize I had plenty to work on myself.”

“It happens,” Michaela said. “He loves you, Laurel. I’ve never had to wonder that. But he’s not the same guy you met a few years ago. He’s actually become someone I trust to take care of you both, which is great. It also means he’s not the same guy you can send away and just expect to come crawling back. Maybe this time you’re gonna have to fight for him…if that's what you want.”

“I want him more than anything,” Laurel said. “It's always been him, you know? Even if we weren't together, long as I knew he was ok, then I was ok. I still cared about him when I was trying to convince myself I hated him. I knew that night on the porch that if I ever let my guard down it was all over with. Running was the only way to keep all this from happening.”

"But look what happened," Michaela smiled as she reached out to take hold of one of Claire's little hands. "You guys couldn't be all bad, right? You made her. And thank God not on the porch of Annalise's house!"

Laurel laughed, "You wouldn't be saying that if you had seen the Motel Frank was staying at. Not sure the bed there was any better than the porch railing at her house."

If nothing else, Michaela's laughter did make her feel a little better. "Oh my God! This poor baby! The bed bugs witnessed your conception, Claire."

Laurel playfully smacked Michaela on the arm. "Ok, there were no bed bugs. Living creatures are where I draw the line. Besides, there is no way to know where exactly she happened. There was the bed, the shower, the desk, against the wall, a chair...."

Michaela reached over to cover Laurel's mouth with her hand, "You're done with that! You are done with that. We'll be here all night if you start listing all the places you and Frank have had sex...."

For the first time in a while, Laurel could say she'd just had a genuine moment where she didn't have to force a smile. "I don't know if I can fix it, Michaela. I don't even know where to start...."

“I don’t know,” Michaela replied. “I hope you can. Can you believe that? I’m rooting for you and Frank!”

“It’s been a weird year,” Laurel replied. It had been. The beginning was nothing like the end. So much had happened in the course of twelve months. She became a Mom to the most perfect little girl in existence, she’d continued going to school when at one time she was certain she was going to have to drop out, and the guy she had little to no faith in was now the one that seemed to have it together between the two of them.

It had been a really, _really_ weird year. 

 


	9. Let Her Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not speak Spanish. With that said, any interaction between Laurel and family will have to be in English. :)

The hustle and bustle of the airport was all Frank could hear as he read through a few work emails on his phone. Normally, he’d wait in the car when picking someone up, but since Claire considered her car seat an instrument of torture - here he sat.

Laurel’s Mom was on her way from Mexico to spend a few days with them for Claire’s birthday. When he and Laurel first got together, she wasn’t particularly close to either of her parents. Claire had repaired so much in Laurel’s relationship with her Mother. Her Father was still a topic they rarely discussed.

Laurel held Claire’s hands as she walked all around where they were waiting. When she figured out she could move, that was the end of her sitting still for any length of time. To anyone that didn’t know he belonged with them, it probably seemed as if he was rudely staring. He didn’t care. He could sit and watch the two of them together all day and never grow tired of it.

Laurel was the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on. There was something about her that captivated him in a way no woman ever had before or would again. It was something he couldn’t quite place, but it had him from moment one. After Claire came along and he saw her as a Mother to their child, that feeling only magnified.

She held Claire’s tiny hands in her own as the curious baby girl walked in front of her. She was so protective but still allowed their daughter to explore her surroundings. Claire leaned her head back, looking up at Laurel, and smiled that smile that knocked him to his knees every single time he saw it.  

The tender way in which Laurel smiled down at her was another part of her that Frank loved. They often joked about Claire being a Daddy’s girl and preferring him in certain situations, but the bond between Laurel and Claire was something he couldn’t compete with even if he wanted to. They had been through and survived so much together.  

He’d never really considered himself a sentimental guy, very rarely allowing emotion to show, until he became a Father. What he felt for them was so overwhelming that he often had to remind himself their life together was real. They had made it through so much and what they had together was solid. Thinking back just one year ago, he couldn’t believe the growth he’d experienced not only within himself, but with just about every close relationship in his life.

There was a time when he wanted nothing to do with a family of his own. It wasn't even a thought. He wanted nothing to do with commitment. Women came and went. There had been perks working for Annalise. The flashy cars, the nice apartment, the money - it got him what he wanted. He had no idea when he and Bonnie walked into her classroom that September day and stood in front of a clueless group of 1L’s that his life would never be the same.

At first, he assumed Laurel was like every other student he set his sights on. Looking over her application, he was even more convinced. She came from money, attended Brown, and here she was at Middleton full of hope and hell-bent on making a difference in the world. He’d seen her type year after year. He’d counted on it. Girls so desperate to impress Annalise that hooking up with him was a no brainer.

Laurel had no idea then, but she took his plan and threw it back in his face. In the past, he’d learn just enough to seem interested. That is all it took. They realized getting on his good side was a way to Annalise and it was a done deal. Laurel had no interest in that. The lines he used on other girls didn’t work on her. She voiced her opinion and didn’t worry or care what he thought.

It was hard for Frank to ever think about Laurel simply blending in with a crowd. She had stood out to him from the moment he saw her. That beautiful, blue-eyed mystery that called him a misogynistic ass and meant every word of it. 

When Annalise flippantly tossed her application into the reject pile, he found himself picking it up and going to bat for her. She was smart, not annoying about it, and she deserved a spot on that very small, select team of students Annalise chose to work for her. Annalise agreed, trusting his instincts were right about this student named Laurel Castillo that, at the time, she couldn’t have picked out of a lineup.

Laurel was the first woman he had absolutely no idea what to do with, and he’d fallen in love with her so fast he never saw it coming. He had days where he questioned the selfish decision that got her involved in the messed up world they all lived in. There had been times he hated himself for it. Times he hated himself for not being strong enough to let her go. Times he knew he should have pushed her away for her own protection. Times he tried and failed. The truth was he needed her. She was the missing piece that turned his fucked up life around. If he lived a hundred years, he’d never find the strength to live in a world where Laurel didn’t exist.

She thawed that frozen layer of his heart he used as a form of self-protection. She was the first person in ten years that made him see a life outside of his unwavering loyalty to Annalise. He couldn’t imagine watching her graduate, only to go off to parts unknown and live her life with someone who couldn’t possibly love her as much as he did. He’d apologize for many things, but falling for Laurel and loving her as much as he did wasn’t one of them.

Frank was pulled from his thoughts when he saw her walking in his direction, Claire now on her hip. He quietly laughed as he saw Claire reaching for the bottle of water Laurel was attempting to take a drink from. “Mom is off the plane and headed this way,” Laurel said.

Claire continued reaching for the water Laurel was holding. “Ok...ok, little miss, here you go,” Laurel told her. She held the water bottle up to Claire’s mouth and carefully gave her a drink. “Good stuff, huh?”

“Don’t lie to her,” Frank smiled. He took the water from her and got a drink himself. He much preferred a soda, but living with Laurel, that didn’t happen nearly as often as it once did. Laurel did the grocery shopping, while he stayed home with a certain twelve month old that liked to act a fool in the store. He was convinced it was a conspiracy. “Keeps you alive, Claire Bear. ‘Bout all it’s good for.”

Laurel rolled her eyes as he handed the water back in her direction and Claire reached out for another drink. “What is this? The family water bottle? It was a couple bucks, machine is over there!” She gave Claire another drink as she continued on, “If I had something to eat or drink that you both hated, you’d suddenly love it just because I had it! Though I am trying to teach her better eating habits than the ones you have, so I guess I should be thankful she's showing interest!”

“This lecture is makin’ you sound like a Mom, babe.” Frank stood and took Claire from her, kissing her cheek once he had her in his arms. She laughed as he rubbed his chin against her little face, his beard tickling her. “Don’t tell Mommy we eat ice cream when she’s not home,” he whispered loud enough for Laurel to hear.

She reached up to wipe some water off Claire’s chin. “Yeah, and your Nonno feeds you stuff you aren’t supposed to have all the time.” Frank couldn’t argue that. His Dad was worse than he ever thought about being when it came to giving Claire whatever she wanted. “I can still try!”

"Oh!" Laurel said as she finished up the small bit of water he'd left in the bottle for her. "You need to put in to be off work the first week of October. I'm telling you now so maybe you'll remember to do it by then."

Frank glared at her. "For what?"

"Connor and Oliver set a date and decided on a destination wedding, so we're going. Obviously." When it came to their social calendar, Frank freely admitted he rarely contributed to it. He just went where Laurel instructed him to go. Weddings included. 

He liked Walsh and Oliver, but he didn't care to sit through a wedding. "Where's this thing at and who all I gotta deal with goin'?" 

"St. Thomas," Laurel said. "And it'll just be us, Michaela, and Asher. They'll have family there, but as far as going with us....."

"Laurel," he protested. A wedding was bad enough. A destination wedding was even worse. All the way in St. Thomas was where he drew the line. "How the hell we gonna haul her and all her crap to freakin' St. Thomas?"

"We're not," she said. "It'll just be us. She's staying with your parents. Promise I'll make it worth your time." 

"Not sharing a hotel room with Michaela and Doucheface again, got it?" He'd still be reminding Laurel of the Spring Break trip they'd taken a few months earlier when they were old and gray. It'd been planned during their breakup and was originally only for Laurel and Michaela. They'd insisted he and Doucheface go saying they'd just get another room once there. Apparently everyone else decided to go there for Spring Break, because there wasn't another room available. It'd been cozy with four adults and an infant. 

Laurel simply shot him a look. 

“TA!” Claire said loudly, interrupting Frank and Laurel’s conversation. Laurel quickly turned around and saw her Mom approaching them. She immediately took off in her direction as Frank watched on with Claire in his arms. “Don’t miss anything, do you?” Claire’s relationship with Laurel’s Mom, known to her as Ita, was mostly through a phone or iPad screen. Still, she had recognized her right away. Nothing got past her. She looked like him, but she was Laurel's daughter through and through. 

He heard the distinct sound of Spanish as the women got closer. Though Laurel had tried, he knew very little of her native language. So little, that one would never believe she had spent hours trying her hardest to teach him. It had been a lost cause. He was pretty certain Claire knew more Spanish than he did.

“¡Mi corazón! ¡Feliz cumpleaños!” Laurel’s Mom said as she took Claire from him. He thought that was a term of endearment, but he wasn’t sure. “¡Ella es hermosa!” At that, he looked at Laurel. He knew her Mom spoke English well, he’d witnessed it, so she needed to switch over. If she thought Laurel had been able to teach him a new language, she had more faith in him than he thought.

She turned to him, wrapping her free arm around him, “Frank!”

“Have a good flight?” He asked, hugging her in return. He silently hoped she hadn’t suddenly forgotten English or Laurel was going to be busy translating the next few days.

“Yes,” she replied. “Very good! I will remember to speak so you can understand, I promise!” She passed Claire off to Laurel and started digging through her carry on for something. Frank knew it had to be a gift for Claire. One more thing to add to the pile of toys she already had.

“Look what Ita brought you, Claire!” Laurel said as her Mom handed a doll in her direction. “I had one just like that when I was little!” Frank watched as Claire took the doll in her little hands, inspecting it closely. She was so much like Laurel it was scary at times.

“That is your doll,” her Mom said. “I kept it all these years, thought she would like it. I have a couple of your dresses too! I think she’s big enough to fit them now.”

“Oh, I hope so! She’s having pictures made next week, so that would be perfect! As long as it's not one of those really horrible mid 1990s things you used to dress me in…” Laurel loved her Mother, but Frank knew all bets were off when it came to Claire’s wardrobe.

“Mija,” her Mom replied. “They are the embroidered dresses my Mother made for you. I know you better than you think!”

Laurel smiled, “Well, you did dress me in them, so. And the stuff you made Adrian wear…”

“Speaking of your brother, he sent Claire’s gift with me. Said he spoke to you already about not being able to make it.”

“He did,” Laurel watched as Claire started checking the doll out again. It was something new in her world to explore until the next new toy or book came along. “Uncle A sent you a present, Claire!” She continued inspecting the doll, finding it far more interesting than whatever Laurel had to say. 

Laurel’s brother was another family member Claire was familiar with and most likely thought lived inside a phone or iPad. Frank wasn’t convinced that Adrian was completely sold on him, but considering they had Jorge Castillo as a family member, Frank knew he absolutely didn’t rank the lowest. That was a comforting thought around holidays and family gatherings.

Frank watched Claire hug the doll to her. A telltale sign she found it acceptable and liked it. He hoped Laurel didn’t want to put it away for safekeeping, because she’d never get it back. “Ready? Still gotta go to baggage claim.” If he didn’t push them along, he knew they’d still be standing there talking this time tomorrow.

Frank took the small carry on suitcase from Laurel’s Mom as Laurel handed Claire’s diaper bag in his direction. Looking over, he saw Claire had her little arm stretched out toward him handing him her doll. “Want me to carry your doll?” Since having a daughter, he’d carried things around in public he never thought possible. It was certain to get worse as she got older.

“You’re gonna make Daddy carry your doll?” Laurel asked, laughing quietly to herself as he took the doll from her.

Frank walked closely behind them as they headed toward baggage claim. “She’s used to seein’ you hand me everything. She thinks that’s what I do!” He took any opportunity he could to aggravate Laurel.

She turned to look at him as she continued walking. “Thought I had more time with you before you figured out why I keep you around!”

Frank laughed out loud, shaking his head. The smile on her face as they made eye contact was the exact one that made him hers that fall a few years ago. He was powerless against it. That smile coupled with the fact she didn’t take any shit off him and could throw it back as fast as he dished it out…

He never stood a chance.

 

**Month Seven**

 

_January_

 

Morning had arrived much too soon. Somehow, Frank had managed to pull himself out of bed. It had been a long night. He’d pushed for at least one overnight a week, and Laurel had finally agreed. It was the first time he had Claire overnight since he and Laurel separated two months earlier and it went about as well as one would imagine. 

Getting Claire to sleep at night had always been Laurel’s thing. The few times Frank had to do the honors, it was never without resistance on Claire’s part. It wasn’t that he was expecting it to go great, but he was hoping for a little better than it had gone.

Frank had noticed her starting to get fussy the closer it got to bedtime. She was working hard on crawling, not quite able to do it just yet, but almost. It was enough to tire her out, he’d hoped. His parents had managed to keep her distracted and happy throughout the evening, but as bedtime neared, Frank could tell it wasn’t going to go well.

Aside from normal baby babble, and something that sounded a lot like “Dada” to everyone that heard it, Claire was a nonverbal seven month old. Even still, Frank had no trouble at all understanding her as he tried to rock her to sleep. He could tell by the look on her little face that she was looking for Laurel. That is who she wanted.

Frank tried his best to comfort her as he attempted to rock her to sleep. The normal routine of rocking her as she took her bottle in a dim room hadn't worked. She pushed it away with her little hand and continued crying.

His feelings weren’t hurt. He understood that she was used to a routine and it had been messed up. The main comfort in her little world, Laurel, was nowhere to be found and she didn’t understand. He hadn’t felt as helpless as he did in that moment in a long while.

He’d be lying if he claimed to have successfully gotten her to sleep. She had cried herself to sleep, eventually passing out from exhaustion as he walked her around the bedroom. To claim anything else would be a blatant lie. She’d screamed nonstop for almost two hours before Frank knew she finally lost the battle and simply passed out. Her little head resting on his shoulder and her tiny hand gripping his shirt.

When he finally crawled in bed himself, he was too exhausted to react to what had just happened. In the thick of it, he wanted to pick up the phone and call Laurel. She was out with her group of friends for dinner, and he knew would have dropped everything and rushed over, but she deserved a break. More than ever, Frank wondered just how in the hell she was doing all that she was doing. He decided he wouldn’t be telling her about what had transpired at bedtime. Not only would it upset her to know Claire cried herself to sleep, but she’d never let her stay over again. He had his own selfish reasons for wanting Claire to stay overnight, but he also wanted Laurel to allow herself a break. 

Frank felt guilty for being the one to walk away. He got not one ounce of comfort or enjoyment from it. It had been hell. He missed Laurel and Claire more than he thought possible. When he dropped Claire off on his days with her, he had to stop himself from hitting the ground in front of Laurel and begging her to forgive him. On the drive back to his parents’ house, he wasn’t ashamed to admit that he’d shed more than one tear over leaving Claire.

Through it all, he knew that for the time being, he’d made the right decision. What happened between he and Laurel on the anniversary of Wes’ death was a direct result of holding things in to the point of resentment. It was the result of being offended by the smallest things, but not feeling as if he could tell Laurel that. It was the result of keeping it bottled up until he exploded.

He’d done a lot of soul-searching over the past year, coming to terms with a lot of shit he’d tried hard to forget. He’d also learned a few things. One of those being their relationship would never work if they couldn’t get on the same page. Claire deserved better than that. She deserved two parents that were willing to fight for one another. He felt as if he’d spent the last year fighting and that maybe Laurel just didn’t have it in her to fight for him. Maybe he’d been wrong all along.

He would never know, but he always assumed that Wes was Laurel’s plan. She had insisted time and time again that she never got far enough to think about her future in any long-term sense, but Frank could see it. He’d told her Claire didn’t mean that they had to be together, and he’d meant it. As long as she allowed him to be in their daughter’s life, then whatever she did with her life was none of his business. She had taken the first steps when it came to trying their relationship again, but looking back from his current position, he wondered if she was just tired of hurting…tired of being alone.

The last thing Frank wanted to do was cause her more pain on that day. He remembered clearly visiting her in the hospital after Wes died. It was that day he learned what true agony looked like. She was heartbroken. The things she said to him hurt, but he knew were nothing compared to the pain she was feeling. He knew her better than anyone, he’d always claim that, so he knew the pain she had been in after Wes died was so overwhelming that she didn’t know how to process it, much less deal with it. She had struggled so badly during the aftermath.  

Even hearing her tell him she was pregnant with his child, but didn’t want him to have any contact with him or her didn’t hurt as much as witnessing Laurel in the days after that tragedy occurred. Despite how badly it hurt to watch Laurel in so much emotional pain, all he could feel was gratitude that she was alive. Nothing he heard in the hours and days after the fire could ever come close to changing that. The explosion and fire could have easily ended her life and Claire’s that night, but it didn’t, and Frank was so thankful. Her pain meant she was alive and breathing, and that was everything to him. 

The fact that he had kept so much bottled up in the year following Wes’ death was his issue and Laurel didn’t deserve the onslaught he’d hit her with that night. It all needed to be laid out on the table for them to move forward, but not like that. She didn’t deserve that. He took the blame for almost everything that happened between them that night. The one thing he couldn’t take the blame for were his feelings about Claire.

He knew Wes would have never accepted her. It’s not that Frank thought he would have mistreated her, that wasn’t Wes’ nature, but he wouldn't have supported Laurel or loved Claire. He could see it play out in his head and it made him sick. Wes would have walked away from the situation. He’d done it before, ignoring Laurel for an entire summer, all because of something that had nothing to do with her. No reason given, no explanation, no answer to Laurel’s questions Frank knew Wes had received many times over the summer. He just ignored her as if she didn’t exist.

When Frank thought of himself being the one to die, leaving Laurel pregnant and alone, it killed him. Even if she never allowed him around, he could watch over them, make sure they were safe. Had Wes been the type guy to put Laurel ahead of any issues he had, Frank would have accepted Laurel’s defense of him. If Wes would have taken his child and loved her despite the fact she didn’t belong to him, Frank would have said nothing.

Wes wouldn’t have done it. Frank knew that. He would have moved on with the Medical Student girlfriend he had before Laurel and that would have been the end of it. Laurel could deny it for the rest of her life, but Frank knew it and he refused to idolize a man who wouldn’t have accepted the one tiny person he loved more than anything in the world.

For that reason, Frank knew they’d spend the rest of their years having the same argument until they resented one another and couldn’t even be amicable enough to raise Claire in a peaceful environment. It wasn’t about what he wanted anymore. It wasn’t about what Laurel wanted. It was about their daughter and he refused to put his wants ahead of her. He wanted to be with Laurel so much it nearly broke him, but not like that. Not if that isn’t what she truly wanted. Not living a life of resentment. Not living a life where he held some of his strongest feelings in for fear of offending her or starting a fight they couldn’t navigate their way through. If they were meant to be, it would be. She’d realize they were worth more than this argument and agree to disagree.

It’d been two months and so far, that hadn’t happened.

His life was turned completely upside down the day Claire entered it. He had never wanted to be worthy of anyone as much as he wanted to be worthy of his daughter. He would do anything to make sure she was put first in his life. He’d give up everything if it meant she had all she needed and wanted. Even Laurel. 

Part of him felt as if he’d been able to stay in denial about everything. He’d been living at his parents' place the entire two months. He wanted back in his old building and nothing was available until February. That was quickly approaching. He could almost fool himself into believing this was only temporary. However, he knew soon as he moved into his own apartment and bought things for Claire’s room at his place, the last bit of reality he’d been holding off for so long would come crashing down.

He’d get through it. He always did.

Frank picked Claire up out of the crib and held her to him as she rested her little head on his shoulder, “You hungry?” She’d barely eaten her bedtime bottle, so he knew she had to be ready for breakfast. He quickly changed her diaper before heading downstairs. The closer he got, the stronger the familiar scent of breakfast became. His Mom awake this early to cook breakfast for his Dad before he headed to the shop. They had the same routine for as long as Frank could remember.

The second his Mom spotted who he had in his arms, she lit up. “Good morning! How is Nonna’s angel?” He watched as a little grin spread across Claire’s face, the first he’d seen in hours. “Did she ever sleep?”

Frank handed her off as he got her bottle out of the fridge. “A little, not much. Should take a good nap for you this mornin’. Think Laurel gets out at noon today, so she should be here early.”

“She does,” his Mom replied. “She called a bit ago to check on her. She tried your phone, but didn't get an answer. She asked if I minded her stopping at the salon to get her hair trimmed before picking this one up today. As if I'd mind!" Those were the things that bothered him the most. Having no knowledge of pointless details. Things as simple as her asking him what he wanted for dinner. It made it all the more real that they were living separate lives. 

"You didn't tell her she freaked out for hours, did you?" That's all he needed. 

"No," his Mom replied. "It'd only upset her to know that." 

He put Claire’s bottle in the bottle warmer and grabbed himself some cereal while he waited for it to warm. “Got any of her yogurt or does Laurel bring that?” He wasn’t used to having her around at breakfast, so he felt a little lost.

“She eats oatmeal and fruit for breakfast now,” his Mom said.

“Fruit?” He was confused.

“Baby food, Frank,” she replied. “In the fridge. Laurel sent apple sauce for her today. Mix some of the fruit in with the oatmeal once it’s ready.” Frank knew he was looking at her with a blank stare. “What am I mixing the oatmeal with? Water?"

His Mom sighed. "Once her bottle is warm, just pour a little of the milk in with the oatmeal. It's not rocket science, son. How'd you manage to make it seven months without knowing this?"   

He had no idea. Since they’d separated, Frank discovered that Laurel did way more than her share. He didn’t know how she was doing it all. She might have issues letting go of Wes, but he could have appreciated her more. She did so much and never expected any credit for it. “Dunno, Ma. A lot I didn’t know, apparently.”

“Don’t think you are gonna come in my kitchen and say one negative thing about her.” It hadn’t been his intention, but since his Mom had taken it that way, he would be listening to her sermon. There was no stopping her once she got started. “She’s the best thing that ever happened to you. I’ve held my tongue, respected you are upset about it all and didn’t need or want my opinion, but not today, Frank. She’s a wonderful Mother to this baby and is always welcome in my home. Anything negative about her isn’t!”

Frank got Claire’s bottle out of the warmer as he did his best not to smile. “Well, I wasn’t gonna, but all that was nice to hear.”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “This is just so stupid between you two. I’ve told her the same. God only knows how you two managed to find one another, but you’re throwing it away. You have a beautiful baby girl together. It’s not gonna be perfect, look at your Dad and I. We fight, we get over it, we go on.”

Frank took Claire, sitting down at the table and giving her the bottle. She put her little hand on his as he held the bottle for her. “It’s not that simple, Ma. Me and Laurel have always done this. You know how many times we broke up and got back together? Don’t guess, cause hell, I don't even know. That’s not ok anymore. Got her now. Dunno that this was ever really what Laurel wanted.”

“What do you mean if this is what Laurel wanted?” She asked.

Frank sighed. “Laurel and I weren’t together when she got pregnant. She didn’t happen ‘cause of some reunion, Ma. You know all that. She got back together with me after Claire was born. She needed help. She was tired of being alone. I was there. Look, been two months and she seems to be doin’ ok, so maybe she just needed me to get through the rough patch. Now I’m gone, may be what she needed.”

He could tell by the way his Mother was looking at him from across the kitchen that she’d had enough of his shit. His only protection from her knocking him in the head was the fact he had Claire in his arms. "That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard, Frank."

"It's not," Frank replied. 

“You know she asks about you every single day?” She paused, laughing before continuing. “Other afternoon she came in, I had Claire here in the kitchen with me. I was makin’ a coconut pie. The first thing she did was sweetly remind me that you didn’t like coconut. That you’d never tell me so if you picked around at the pie, not to think it wasn’t good. I’d forgotten that was something you didn’t like.”

Frank laughed to himself. Only Laurel would think of that. “So she knows I hate coconut. Tellin’ you, Ma.” He stopped, watching Claire as she continued drinking her bottle. As long as Laurel and Claire were happy, he’d survive. Going at the world alone, keeping to himself, he was used to all that. He’d be fine.

He could tell his Mom didn’t agree. “The saddest part of all this is what you’re giving up on. It's never perfect, most times it's not even good, but that's real life. You two are best friends, you know the good and bad about each other, you've been through Hell together, and you've put up with one another for years. I love you both, but neither of you are exactly easy to deal with."

“Maybe she's all that for me,” Frank said. “Doesn’t mean that’s me for her, Ma. So, do I feed her the whole bottle before the oatmeal?”

“Truly, Frank!” His Mom said. “I see who fed you all the time, Claire! Not your Daddy! Feed her some oatmeal, then give her some of her bottle, same way the rest of us eat.”

Frank got some of the oatmeal on the tiny spoon and held it to Claire’s mouth. He smiled as she took a bite and started kicking her legs. “Good?”

“She loves her oatmeal,” his Mom said. She pulled up a chair across from them and sat down to observe. “She finally fit those pajamas I got her! You were so much bigger than her at that age. I always buy stuff too big for her remembering how you were!”

Frank continued feeding her the oatmeal, doing his best to keep it somewhat contained in their general area. “Yeah, she’s gonna be little like Laurel, I think.”

He got a Cheerio out of his cereal bowl and held it up to her mouth. "I'll get you some real food, baby girl." He watched as she leaned forward to take it from him and immediately started chewing it, sans teeth, in the most adorable way. "What you think? Better?"

"Frank," his Mom scolded. "Do not give her any more of that! She doesn't even have teeth yet!"

"She's a Delfino," he replied. "She's good. Hell, she'd probably eat a slice of pizza if we gave it to her! Laurel keeps her on breast milk and mush." He brought her up to his face and kissed her cheeks as she laughed. 

His Mom rolled her eyes. "She's seven months old, Frank. She's not supposed to be eating anything else." 

They spent the next few minutes in silence, content to watch Claire as she ate her breakfast. He already dreaded getting ready for work and leaving her. It never got any easier. The best part of his day used to be coming home in the evenings. Now there wasn’t really a best part unless it was a day he had with Claire. Still, if this is what made Laurel happy, he’d get used to it.

He never deserved the five months they were together anyway.


	10. Nothing to Lose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, product of my imagination. Yo no hablo español. It's all in English. ;) Thank you for the kind comments. Those of you that left them certainly didn't have to do that, but I thank you.

For most of Laurel’s teenage and young adult years, her Mom wasn’t present. She’d been there, but she hadn’t really been _there_. Laurel had learned to figure things out on her own, and not depend on Motherly advice. Now that her Mom was better, it was still a struggle to let that wall down. Having her Mom in town for Claire’s first birthday was surreal, to say the least.

It was unbelievable the progress she and her Mother had been able to make. Someone she thought she’d lost forever, was now someone she could honestly say was a friend. She respected that Laurel was fiercely independent and tried her very best not to overstep.

Laurel sat on the living room floor with Claire as she worked to stack blocks as high as she could get them. There had been a time she could hardly imagine spending her weekend playing with baby toys and not caring that her nights out were over. She watched as Claire picked up a block and held it out toward her. “What color is that?” Laurel asked her, taking the block.

Claire looked at her with big, curious eyes. “Green,” Laurel said. “Verde.” Claire smiled before taking the block back from Laurel and hugging it to herself, deciding she wasn’t ready to give it up just yet.

She watched Claire stand up and walk toward her, a big smile on her face as she continued holding her block. Laurel took her into her arms, kissing her little face as she hugged her. “I love you.”

“Ma Ma,” Claire said.

“Yeah,” Laurel smiled. “I love you!”

“She’s a sweet girl,” Laurel’s Mom said as she watched her daughter and granddaughter.

“She is,” Laurel smiled as Claire got comfortable in her lap. “She’s a snuggler. You get that from your Daddy. You two don’t understand personal space do you?”

Claire grinned up at her, “Da da.”

“Yeah,” Laurel laughed. “You get that from him. I used to have a personal bubble until the two of you came along and now I’ve just given up.”  

“Babe!” She heard Frank calling from their bedroom. He was supposed to be going over to his parents' house to help move tables and extra chairs in for Claire’s party that evening. “Laurel!”

Laurel sighed, “Yeah?”

“Come here,” he called from the bedroom. He was going to have to make a good case before she was going to see what he wanted. She’d been going nonstop all morning and had just sat down for the first time in hours.

“What is it, Frank?” She asked. At the sound of his voice, Claire immediately perked up and started looking for him. Laurel stood her on the floor. “Go see what Daddy wants.” Laurel laughed to herself as Claire started toddling in the direction of their bedroom, knowing exactly where to find Frank. “I’m sending my assistant your way!”

He appeared in the doorway as Claire continued his way, determined to get where she was going. “You know where my other shoe is?” He asked as he held up one of his sneakers. “Only got the one. Wore them this mornin’.” He reached down and scooped Claire up into his arms when she reached him. “You know where my shoe is? What did Mommy do with it? She's always messin’ with our stuff we leave lyin’ around!”

Laurel rolled her eyes, “Oh yeah. I’m in the habit of hiding your shoes.” If she had told him once, she had told him a hundred times if he left things lying around, they were fair game for a certain pair of little hands. “Check her room, you know that’s where she likes to stash her contraband.”  

He disappeared back into their bedroom with Claire. Laurel looked at her Mom, shaking her head. “This is every single morning. Keys, phone, whatever….” She stood from her place on the floor and went into Claire’s room finding his shoe exactly where she told him it’d be. She picked it up and headed toward their bedroom.

“What did I tell you?” She walked in finding Frank on the floor looking under their bed for something, “NOW what are you looking for?” He’d left Claire unattended for no more than a couple minutes and she was already in their closet with one of Laurel's shoes in hand.

“Trust me. You don’t want to wear those any sooner than you have to,” Laurel said as she took one of her heels out of Claire’s hand, a scowl appearing on her little face. “What is that look for?” Laurel laughed. “Frank….”

He looked up from his futile search under their bed. “Baby Laurel right there,” Frank laughed. “Hilarious.”

“Please,” Laurel said. “She looks like I had NOTHING to do with her, so don’t even put this mad face on me.”

“The attitude is one hundred percent Castillo, babe.” Frank smiled. “She got a couple things from you. Nose down it doesn’t look like you stole her from the hospital.”

She looked at him, laughing to herself. “Ok, so what are you looking for exactly?”  

“Phone,” he replied. “Can’t remember if I left it in here or somewhere else. She probably took it too.”

“It’s in the living room,” Laurel said. She held Claire’s hand to stop her from trying to go back to their closet. “I found it on the couch. We have a walking baby now, gonna have to keep your stuff out of reach.” She held on to Claire while Frank sat down on the bed and put his shoes on. “So, you’re going to help your Mom set up and then coming back here?”

“Yeah, shouldn’t take too long.”

The second Frank stood from the bed and Laurel released her hand, Claire headed in his direction once again. “You need to take a nap,” Frank said, picking her up. He laughed as she shook her head in response. “Yeah, gonna be sleepy later.”

Laurel followed him out of their room. “Ok, Claire Bear, come here! Daddy has to go to Nonna’s.” Claire laid her head on Frank’s shoulder and grabbed ahold of his shirt with her little hands. They went through this every single time Frank left. Her acting as if he wouldn’t ever come back.  

“Hey,” Frank said sweetly, kissing her cheek. “I’m comin’ back. You gotta stay with Mommy, keep her in line while I’m gone!” Laurel knew she didn’t understand a single word Frank was saying to her, only that he was leaving. The drama would ensue.

“Come see me,” Laurel said as she reached up to take Claire from him. “Ita is here to play with you. Let’s go see what she’s up to!” The crying started the second she took her from Frank. “She’ll be fine. Out of sight, out of mind.”

“K,” he said as he leaned in to give her a quick kiss. “I’ll call when I leave.”

Laurel held Claire against her as she continued crying. “Shhh,” she whispered. She saw her Mom return to the living room from the kitchen. “Claire, he’s coming back.”

“What’s wrong?” Anytime Claire made a peep her Mom wanted to fix it. Laurel knew it was probably a good thing her Mom lived away from them. Frank’s Mom was bad enough when it came to giving her whatever she wanted.

“Frank left,” Laurel replied. “It’s maaaaajor drama when her Daddy leaves….” Laurel continued trying to calm her crying baby down as she walked around the living room with her. “She’s also fighting sleep and it’s past naptime.”

Her Mom smiled, “You were never like that with Jorge. Even when you were small and things were better. He wasn’t a very hands on Father, as you know.”  

“You have to use that term loosely when it comes to him,” Laurel replied. “He’s hardly a Father. I just didn’t know that for a really long time.” It took watching Frank with their daughter to realize just how little of a relationship she’d had with her own Dad.

“He’s not the same man I married, Mija.” This was one topic Laurel refused to hold back on when it came to discussing it with her Mom. “I don’t know what happened to him.”

Laurel finally got Claire calm and sat down on the couch with her. She wanted to say things carefully so her Mom wouldn’t feel any guilt. She didn't deserve to, as she was his first victim. “Frank isn’t perfect,” she started. “He has a past, and in many ways so do I, but I have never once questioned his love for us. Even during our worst times, I knew he loved me. He would do anything to protect us and it took having her to make me realize that we never had that with Dad.”  

Her Mom nodded in agreement, a look of sadness on her face. “No, we didn’t.”

“It’s not your fault,” Laurel said. “We were all victims when it came to him. He was a Father and Husband when people were there to see it or when it was beneficial to him. The stuff we really needed him for, he couldn’t be bothered. He walked out on all of us.”

“You’re right,” her Mom replied. “He did. I know things weren’t easy for you, Mija, but you have no idea how proud of you I am.” She stopped, watching as Claire slowly lost the battle with sleep in Laurel’s arms. “She’ll never know some of the things you had to learn early on.”

“No,” Laurel said. “She won’t. He contacted me not long after she was born and wanted to see her. I ignored him, so he had Elena try me next. Just like him, huh?" No matter how offensive her Father was, for some reason there was always a little disbelief for Laurel.

"Does not surprise me," her Mom replied. "Shame isn't something he's familiar with."

"He's never going to see her and she'll never know him," Laurel said. "I'm not going to open a relationship that I know will only hurt her. He'll disappoint her just like he did us and she doesn't have to know that. She has a Grandfather that loves her enough for both of them." She meant every word. She had gone as far as to threaten her brother if he relayed any information to their Father concerning Claire.

"We respect that, Mija," her Mom replied. "Both of us."

"I finally realized what I never had and what she was going to have the first time I saw Frank look at her.” She teared up at the memory. “He still looks at her that way.”

“He always will,” her Mom replied. “Even at her very young age, she knows how much he loves her.”

“It’s my favorite thing,” Laurel said. “Their relationship. Completely melts my heart.” Claire had fallen sound asleep in her arms finally. The busy little one that spent her days getting into everything at record speed was peacefully sleeping, looking completely incapable of such things. They sat in comfortable silence for a while, content to take a breather from their hectic day that was only going to get more hectic later.

“You’re a wonderful Mother, Mija.”

Though it wasn’t her nature to accept compliments easily when she was told that; it meant a lot to her. Her Mother couldn’t help the circumstances surrounding her absence from Laurel’s life or her inability to be the kind of Mother she needed during those years. It had been a fear of Laurel’s that she wouldn’t know what to do with her own daughter because of it. “Thank you,” Laurel said. “I hope so.”

She couldn’t bring herself to carry Claire to her room. There would come a day soon when she didn’t want to be held, so Laurel was going to enjoy it while she could. “When I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t think there was a chance in the world that I could do it. I didn’t know if I wanted to have her. Now I can’t imagine that my mind ever went there. I don’t even know what I did before her.”

Her Mom listened intently, never interrupting, wanting to know anything Laurel would tell her. “I was in such a bad place. I had no idea what I thought was keeping me in that place would be what pulled me out of it.”

Laurel vividly recalled the difficult days where she struggled to get from one minute to the next. She remembered agonizing over what to do as she watched the weeks slip by. Each week that passed bringing her that much closer to a decision being made for her. She recalled days where all she thought about was ending her pregnancy or giving the baby up for adoption. She'd been convinced she was far too damaged to be anyone’s Mother.  

The day she allowed curiosity to get the best of her was the day she finally allowed the love she had for the little person she was carrying to break that final wall down. The second the ultrasound technician turned the screen around at her request, the questions that had plagued her mind for so long were finally silent. She would never forget that first image of Claire. That tiny little being nestled safely in her womb sucking his or her thumb. Laurel had never believed in love at first sight until that moment.

“I was so worried about you,” her Mom confessed. “You didn’t want my help. I didn’t know how you were going to manage the baby and school alone. I am so proud of you, Mija. Frank also. He’s a wonderful Father.”

“He is,” Laurel agreed. She'd watched the sleeping baby girl in her arms completely change him. For a very long time, Laurel selfishly believed Claire was sent for her; a way to heal her broken heart after everything she had been through. She now knew Claire existed for many more reasons than just because she needed her. “She loves him so much. It’s so cute, even if I do feel slighted most of the time."

“When he called me the night she was born,” her Mom told her. “I could tell how much he loved both of you. He was so scared.”

“That’s part of the reason he doesn’t want any more children,” Laurel explained. “He’s scared something would happen like what happened with her again.”

“You almost died, Mija,” her Mom stated bluntly. Laurel looked at her, confused by what she’d just said. If she had known Frank told her Mom that he would have never heard the end of it. The last thing her Mom needed on her was more worry and stress.

“Frank told you that?”

“He didn’t have to. A few hours after I spoke to him, I called back to see how you were doing,” she explained. “He wasn’t answering his phone or yours. I called and spoke with a nurse who said you were both asleep. She said you were stable at the moment, but your condition was still very serious. If you had any more bleeding they couldn’t control they’d have to take you back to surgery.”

“Did you have any complications with us?” Laurel had only heard about her birth from her Mom a couple times, and she remembered very little of it.

“No,” her Mom replied. “You were both born very quickly, but we were all healthy. Perfect pregnancies also, no morning sickness. I’m not sure who you inherited your childbearing problems from, Mija, but I don’t blame Frank for not wanting to take that chance again.”

Laurel had no idea where her misfortune in that department came from either. Karma, she guessed. She had morning sickness the first few months that shouldn’t have had the word morning attached to it at all. She found herself running for the nearest toilet or garbage can at all hours. To add to that, she battled exhaustion that didn't cut her any slack when it came to waking up early for classes or staying up late studying.

She got the feeling her Obstetrician was trying to make her feel better regarding her experience with labor and birth when she told her that Claire had been facing the wrong way in the womb the whole time. A discovery that couldn’t have been made until delivery. She explained that was the reason her labor was so long and progress so slow. It would have most likely ended in a c-section anyway. Laurel equated it to someone tripping her after she’d ran a marathon and could see the finish line.

“I have no idea,” she laughed. “All I know is if we ever had another baby, which is highly unlikely, I have nothing to prove. I wouldn’t even try it again. I’d just schedule a c-section. Recovery sucked, but it beats ten hours of labor.”

“You tend to forget just enough,” her Mom said as she watched Claire sleep. “You don’t forget, but you forget enough so you are willing to do it again. They’re worth all you go through.”

Laurel rested her head against Claire’s. “She was worth everything.”

“Of course, but she needs you alive and well,” her Mom argued. Laurel could see her Mom wasn’t going to take her side. “Please think about that before you make any decisions.”

“Seeing as how I can’t do that by myself,” Laurel said. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I kind of need Frank on board if I’m going to get pregnant again.”

“Oh, Mija,” her Mom said as she rolled her eyes. “I think I know how it all happens. I’m just saying to think about every part of it before you make any decisions. I have a feeling you would be able to talk that man into anything.”

Laurel laughed. Her Mom didn’t know that rooted far deeper than stubbornness on the Castillo side of their relationship, was stubbornness on the Delfino side. If he felt strongly about something, he could outlast her every single time. This was one of those things she never saw him budging on.

“I don’t think so,” Laurel replied. “And it’s ok. She’s going to be impossibly spoiled, but that’s ok.”

“That’s what they’re for,” her Mom smiled. If that was true, then Laurel knew Claire was absolutely living up to her purpose.

 

**Month Eight**

 

 

_February_

 

 

Laurel hated what had become their normal. She hated it with everything in her. In many ways, the past three months had been some of the loneliest in her life. Even more lonely than the days after Frank left or Wes died. Having Claire didn’t allow her a lot of time to go out, and even when she did, she was surrounded by happy couples. It only made her more depressed.

It was Sunday night, and Frank was on his way to drop Claire off after his weekend with her. Laurel had used the past two days to catch up on missed sleep, study, and watch some of the TV she’d recorded for the past few months but hadn’t been able to watch. At one time in her life, she would have enjoyed the low-key weekend. Now all she could do was think about how lonely it was without her chubby, adorable roommate that had finally mastered crawling.

She also missed Frank. She would do anything to fix things between them, but she didn't even know where to start. Things had been going so well between them, that she didn’t feel like asking and possibly rocking the boat. She kept telling herself that everything happened for a reason as she struggled to adjust to their new way of life.

Laurel was pulled from her thoughts by a knock at the door. She could hardly walk fast enough to get the door opened and Claire in her arms. Two days without her had seemed like an eternity. The second she had the door opened, she was reaching for her smiley girl who lit up the second she spotted Laurel.

“Hey, sweet girl,” Laurel said as she kissed her little face repeatedly. She couldn’t get enough of her and even after just two days away, Laurel felt like she’d grown inches. “I missed you so so much! Did you have a good weekend with Daddy?” Moving out of the way, she allowed Frank in with Claire’s things.

“She did,” Frank replied. “She’s everywhere now. Joked with Dad that we were gonna get him a backup camera for his wheelchair. He was worried about her gettin' behind there and not seein’ her.” He placed Claire's bags on the dining room table. "Had to go out Saturday and buy a baby gate. She thought the stairs were there for her."

Laurel laughed, "Now your Mom knows what she has to look forward to."

"Yeah," Frank smiled. "She wasn't able to get that right leg to cooperate last Mom kept her on what was it? Wednesday?"

"Yeah, I was home Thursday and Friday. Class canceled," Laurel replied. "She got everything in working order those days. If I turn my back for two seconds she is into everything. Now you know...."

"Now we know," Frank laughed.

There was no reason conversation should be awkward between them and Laurel hated it. They had never stood around making small talk. Laurel smiled as Claire put her little hands on either side of her face. She leaned toward her and kissed her, smiling as the baby laughed in response.

“Oh,” he said. “When is her checkup with the Pediatrician? Been meanin’ to ask….”

Laurel walked over to the fridge and grabbed the small appointment card she’d stuck there after their last visit. “You can take this,” she said. “I put a reminder in my phone. It’s the last week of the month on Wednesday afternoon. Will that work for you?”

“Yeah,” he replied, putting the small card in his wallet. “Works fine. You know I'm not missin’ her appointment.” Laurel knew that without any doubt. He'd never missed a single Pediatrician visit, even the ones that would've been fine for him to miss.

“I know that’s your afternoon with her, but Thursday is a day I can afford to miss class. I’ve had to stay home with her the day after every set of shots she’s had.” She didn't look forward to the extremely cranky baby who usually ran a temperature after shots and refused to be put down, but she wasn't about to hand her over to anyone else so she could go to class.

He nodded. “No...no, I understand. Whatever’s best for her. Long as I can maybe come by and see her Thursday…”

“Frank,” Laurel said. “Why would you even ask that? You can come see her anytime you want; you know that.” She didn’t know what he was getting at, if anything, but she’d never once kept him from seeing Claire. Laurel knew they were probably the only exes that called one another every night at bedtime so whoever didn't have Claire could tell her goodnight.

Laurel put Claire down on the floor and watched as she immediately crawled off in the direction of the kitchen. “No,” Laurel laughed. She reached down and picked her up. “You go this way.” The second she put her back on the floor, she sat up so she could turn in the opposite direction, and back to the kitchen she crawled. “She loves getting in the cabinets. Had to put baby locks on them, which I can barely work myself, so...”

“Yeah, she was openin’ every cabinet door she could this weekend.” Frank scooped her up; tickling her cheek with his beard. The sound of her squeals and laughter the best thing Laurel heard in days. “You don’t listen, but comin’ from us, never thought you would. Gotta babyproof the new place,” he said. The fact that he’d moved out was hard enough. Having to face the fact that he’d signed a lease on a new place was like pouring salt in an open wound. It made it more official in some weird way.  

“That’s right,” she said. “Your old building, right?” A place she could get to in her sleep. A place that held so many memories; good and bad.

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “Wanted a two bedroom, but all they had was a three 'less I wanted to wait till May. Decided to take it rather than waitin’. Never know what might happen down the road.”

Laurel was confused by that statement. The look on her face must’ve been obvious. Frank shook his head, “I mean….she may want a playroom or somethin’. Too much room isn't a bad thing.”

“Right,” Laurel said. “Or who knows, you may find someone and need the extra space.”

“Laurel….you know that’s not….”

She ignored him, taking Claire, and walking to the living room to put the baby in her walker. Laurel knew she should let it go. They weren’t together, so she had no right to an opinion on what he did. However, something about her mood drained her of any damn she might have given. It wasn’t as if she had anything left to lose. “Does none of this bother you?”

She could tell her question confused him. They’d gone from what she knew he believed was a lighthearted conversation to this tense moment. “What?”

“This,” she repeated. “What happened to us, Frank.” She walked to the table and started unpacking Claire's bags. She could feel his eyes on her, but she didn’t dare stop to look at him. “Because I’m miserable, ok? I am miserable and you seem great! You seem happy! I know you were the one to walk, but I guess I just thought it’d be harder for you.”

“I’m makin’ the best of it, Laurel,” Frank said. “For her. For myself. You know what? I’m not doin’ this right now.” He walked toward Claire to give her a kiss goodbye. “You were the one who told me to get out, so don’t start with this now.”

Laurel could feel her anger building, but her ability to keep her mouth shut was nowhere within reach. She deserved more than him walking out and ignoring what had been going on with them for months. Clearly, he had no intention of ever repairing things, so the least he could do was have a conversation about it. “I never told you to leave for good, Frank. I said we needed time to cool off. But sorry, I forget walking out the door is more your style.”

He turned toward her, simply looking at her for what seemed like a very long time. Laurel knew she’d crossed a line. It’d been her intention, and it worked. She watched as he walked toward her. “Been almost four years I’ve put up with your shit, Laurel. Hot one minute, cold the next. I'd screw up, and you’d never even consider hearin’ me out. Never consider givin’ me a chance to explain. Didn’t treat anyone else in your life that way, so why me?”

It would have been much easier if he had yelled at her. She knew the calm manner in which he was speaking was only going to make this harder. “I’ve always loved you, Laurel. No matter what, I’ve loved you. Hell, I'll always love you. You gave me her, but I'm done takin' whatever you throw out when it suits you. You’ve called the shots from the start, Laurel.”

With that, her tears started. She had gone into this angry and determined to keep her resolve. She was quickly realizing that had been a pointless goal. She wanted to tell him he was wrong, but she couldn't.

“Look,” he continued. “I’m sorry for what happened that night. You didn’t deserve that and I’m sorry. Shoulda told you that three months ago. Made a bad day worse and I never meant to do that to you. I’m so sorry for that.” She watched as he paused, clearly having more to say, but trying to find a way to say it. “I’m not who you want, Laurel. We both know that. Better we admitted that 'fore she was old enough to understand.”

“What?!” There was no way he actually believed that. “Frank,” she was speechless. “What?!

“It’s ok,” he told her. “Not mad ‘bout it. Told you all along I just want you to be happy. I’m sorry that was taken from you when Wes died. Doesn’t change how I feel ‘bout him, but I’m still sorry. I’m never gonna be able to fix that for you. Wish I could, cause I don’t want you unhappy, but I can’t. Pretendin’ this is what you want won’t do it. All we do is hurt each other. Tryin’ to replace him with me isn’t gonna work…..”

“Oh my God,” Laurel finally said. “Would you stop! Would you please stop! I don’t know what I have to do to convince you that YOU are who I want. I’m not hung up on Wes. I love you, Frank. You are the one I’ve never been able to let go of. Not him. You.”

Frank shook his head, not appearing to believe a word she said. “Laurel, you can’t rewrite history. I know how you felt ‘bout him. Said it yourself. Not like you had much choice between us after everything happened. He was gone and I was there.”

“YOU LEFT ME!” She finally yelled. Fighting near Claire was something she’d regret later, but right now she couldn’t worry about it. “You left me, Frank! I know we weren’t in a good place, but you said NOTHING. No matter what was going on between us, we were supposed to matter to one another. I came to your apartment that night and had to walk through praying I wasn’t going to find you dead." With that the tears she'd managed to get under control started falling again. The memory of walking through his apartment that night so painful she didn't want to think about it.

"I called you so many times that night. I left you voicemail after voicemail begging you to please call me. I put what happened earlier between us aside because having you there was more important than what we were fighting about. I thought you felt the same way. YOU walked away from me, so you want to talk about filling voids? That was ME trying to repair the damage YOU caused. If anyone was used it was Wes!”

“You know why I had to go,” he said quietly.

“Now! Now I know,” she said. “I knew nothing then! You just left!” She was sick of him holding on to all of the shit that was the last few years of their lives. “And all of that is bullshit, Frank. I’m sick of it! I am sick of you feeling like you have to move Heaven and Hell to make up for something that wasn’t even your fault!”

“It was,” Frank said. “I did that, Laurel. You know what I did.”

Laurel rolled her eyes, frustration apparent as she listened to him. “Annalise did that to herself, Frank. What happened to her happened because she was dealing with shady shit like ALWAYS. She is the one that got into things she should have left alone. She cost Wes his Mother, herself her child…..don’t look at me like that! I know what you did, but you didn't know. You didn't know, Frank. You have to stop this...."

She could see the unshed tears glistening in Frank’s eyes, but she’d gotten started and had no intention of stopping until he heard everything she had to say. “What happened to her was horrible. It was. If something ever happened to her,” Laurel paused, looking at the baby who had busied herself with some toys on the tray of her walker. She didn't have words to adequately describe how much she loved their baby girl. It couldn't be described. Laurel knew she would never survive without her.  “I’ve survived a lot, but I wouldn’t survive that, Frank. My entire world, everything in it, would end."

She watched as he fought tears back as she kept talking. “I’m not denying that Annalise suffered, but I’m done with you blaming yourself for it. I know what you did, but if she’d never had the information in the first place, if she’d never meddled in the stuff she was meddling in, none of it would have happened.”

Frank cleared his throat before replying to all she’d said. “There’s things you don’t know. It destroyed her and Sam....I knew why and I never said anything….”  

“Oh my God,” Laurel said as she walked away from him. “What destroyed their marriage was whatever student of the week Sam had underneath him and whoever Annalise was screwing at the time. So don’t talk to me about how you caused the demise of their marriage! That I cannot listen to!"  

Frank didn’t respond. Laurel considered it a tiny bit of progress as his usual response was more blame on himself. She didn’t think she could take one more second of it. “We’ve all done things, Frank. I have done things. Not a single one of us is without guilt or a hand in the horrible shit that was our years with Annalise. We all have to live with it, so you don’t get to wallow in it like you’re the only one that’s guilty.”

Frank looked at her, unable to say anything.

“The only thing all of that is destroying is us,” she said truthfully. “I’ve been competing against your past since I met you and I can’t do it anymore, Frank. I love you. So much. I know a lot of the time we were a disaster, but it was _our_ disaster.” She wiped the tears running down her face and kept going. “Yes, I was with Wes. I’m not going to apologize for that. If he were here today I’d need to apologize to him. I crossed a line with a friend because I was trying to fill a hole that you left when you just walked away and would have nothing to do with me!”

“I’m sorry,” Frank said. Laurel could see he was struggling to keep it together, but all of this was now or never. “Thought it was the best thing. We’d broke up….”

“You slept with me and then refused to speak to me! You looked me in the eye as you made love to me, because that’s what happened between us no matter if you want to admit it or not, and you told me how much you’d missed me.” Laurel stood in front of him crying as she remembered the hurt she’d felt after seeing him in Coalport and then realizing that wasn’t him opening back up communication between them at all. It was his goodbye. “Do you know how that made me feel? I let you in and then you just…”

She could tell by the tears in his eyes that what she had just said killed him. Looking back, she knew why she’d gotten involved with Wes. She was looking for a way to stop the pain. There was a man in front of her, a good man who happened to be one of her dearest friends, that wanted her. He was a way to dull the pain the man she was really in love with had caused. She didn’t see it for what it was at the time, but now she did.  

Their eyes met as she looked up, but he said nothing. “I don’t know what Wes would have done if he’d known about her and it doesn’t matter. You're probably right about him, but it doesn't matter. He’s gone. She isn’t his daughter. She’s yours. I should have respected how you felt about it, but I didn’t, and I’m sorry for that. I don’t know what else I can say to you, except that I was wrong and I’m sorry. I promise to respect your wishes where that is concerned from now on. You’ve always been first for me, Frank. It kills me to know that things I said to you out of anger made you feel like you didn't matter to me. You matter so much, but why are we not worth fighting for? You fight so hard against everything else, but you can’t do the same for us.”

“You...” Frank had to stop and collect himself before continuing. “You know you’re enough, Laurel. The two of you are everything….”

“Then why do you keep doing this to me? You were the one person that got me. I know I'm not easy to love! I have a hard time letting people in, but somehow you managed to get around all of that and I let you in more than I've ever let anyone in. I trusted that you weren't going to hurt me.” That was the statement that finally broke her. She’d held her emotions in as long as she could. That one simple admission was too much and she lost the tiny bit of control she had. She felt Frank pull her into his arms as she cried, letting months of sadness, anger, and frustration out.

“I’m so sorry,” he said as he continued holding her, letting her cry out every horrible emotion she’d been fighting to keep inside since he left that early November night. “So, so sorry, Laurel.”

She held onto him as tightly as she could, afraid she’d lose him again if she let go. “I lied to you,” she cried. “When you saw me in the hospital, and I told you I loved him more than I ever loved you, I was lying. I was so angry. I was mad at myself for loving you after you ignored me, after Wes died….I wanted to hurt you and I’m sorry.”

“Shh,” Frank soothed. “Doesn’t matter.”

She stood there wrapped in his arms as she got her tears under control. She didn’t know if they’d resolved or fixed anything, but she knew she’d done all she could. Maybe they’d never figure it out and maybe they’d destroyed things far beyond repair. All that mattered was that he knew how much she loved him and that he’d never been second in her life. She had loved him beyond reason even when it didn’t make sense to.

“I’ll do whatever I gotta do,” he said. “You know I love you. I'm so in love with you. Always have been. Swear to you. If I gotta go sit on some Shrink’s couch, I’ll go.”

She couldn’t deal with another failed attempt. They had to be in it for good and bad times. “Please don’t do that to me again. We can work through whatever, but you can’t just leave again when things get hard….”

“Laurel.” He took her face in his hands, looking into her eyes, hoping she could see just how much he loved her. “The two of you are the only reason I have for gettin’ out of bed in the mornin’. Only reason I even try. I know I’ve screwed up, but I’ve never stopped lovin’ you. You’re the only thing that kept me goin’ all those months away even if you don’t believe it. Hearin' your voice on the messages you left...it's all I had. You were all I thought about. Then she came along and…” He finally let the tears fall as he tried to talk about their daughter, but couldn’t do it.

Laurel wrapped her arms around him. “I love you,” she said. “I love you and I just want you here. I know we’re probably never going to figure it out completely because that's just what we do, but I need you here. We have to try harder for her.”

“I’m here,” he said sweetly as he leaned down to kiss her. “I promise.” 

 


	11. Better Days

Frank couldn’t recall the last time his entire family gathered at his parents’ house to celebrate something at all related to him. He remembered birthday parties growing up, but once he hit his teenage years and decided to put his parents through hell, there wasn’t much to celebrate.

He’d put his parents through a lot. In High School he played varsity football, thought he was invincible, and behaved as if he had no one else to worry about but himself. Back then he didn’t. For a very long time, he didn’t. There was drinking, partying, an endless stream of girls, and so much disrespect toward his parents that at thirty-five years old he was still ashamed when certain memories came back to him.

After getting kicked out of college, his parents stopped caring. Or, at least, it seemed that way to him, and it wasn’t as if he blamed them. They had done all they could do and had finally given up. They gave up lecturing, fighting, and trying to enforce rules they knew he’d never follow. Frank now knew it was the opposite, but there was a lot he never knew until he found himself thrown into parenthood.

As he got older, he was thankful his older brother had it together. He graduated from college, met a nice girl, got married, and gave their parents grandchildren. It was good to see them happy after all the shit he’d put them through. At least they could be proud of how one son turned out.

When he left town that night, he didn’t tell them any more than he told Laurel. It wasn’t the first time he’d taken off, and he could only imagine his parents assumed it wouldn’t be the last. His Mom called him one time, leaving a voicemail where she mentioned Laurel had called looking for him. After that, she didn’t bother him anymore. Looking back, it was embarrassing that his own Mother was so used to his crap that she no longer got upset when he left without saying a word.

When he found out Laurel was pregnant, he kept it from them for as long as he could. Normally, he was fine telling them about whatever fucked up thing he’d done, but this was different. Laurel meant something. His Mom and Dad sincerely liked her. She was the first woman he’d brought home that didn’t completely offend his Mother the second she walked through the front door and that his Dad found worthy of his jokes. Laurel was smart, charming, and Frank knew at one time they had hoped she would be the one to turn him around.

The day he finally told them was like any other. There was nothing special about it, and nothing happened that forced his hand in any way. He simply decided it was time. It was a typical Sunday afternoon full of football, food, and poker. Frank remembered watching his brother with his two sons and being certain he could never love something that much. There was no way his experience with Fatherhood would resemble what he’d witnessed through his brother since his oldest nephew had arrived eight years ago.

When he finally told them he was going to be a Father, his normally talkative parents sat in silence. Clearly stunned beyond belief and probably afraid to find out anything more on the topic. They most likely assumed they were about to be stuck with some random woman they would have never approved of but would have to learn to get along with for the sake of their grandchild.

When he told them it was Laurel, the devastation on his Mother’s face almost broke him. She honestly loved Laurel and the thought of him doing that broke her heart. That was the moment he realized just how far gone he’d been. His own Mother sat in front of him crying, not for him, but for the woman he’d gotten pregnant and the child she was carrying because she didn’t believe he would do right by them.  

His Mother had been heartbroken and angry. She yelled at him for every fucked up thing he’d done the past few months. She yelled at him for things that hadn’t even happened yet. She worried that Laurel wouldn’t allow them to know their grandchild because of his mistakes. She yelled at him about the future Laurel could have had and how he’d ruined it. She didn’t believe him when he swore he was going to step up and be there as much as Laurel would allow. His Dad didn’t say much, but Frank could see the disappointment on his face.

After that, his parents didn’t have very much to say to him at all. Visits to their house were awkward, so Frank stopped going. His Mother reached out to Laurel, but she didn’t put forth a lot of effort when it came to keeping up with him in the months leading up to Claire’s birth. He knew Michaela had invited her to Laurel’s baby shower and that she’d gone, but other than that, by the time Claire arrived he hadn’t talked to his parents in weeks.

The morning after Claire was born found Frank exhausted and scared beyond belief. The doctors and nurses were telling him things with Laurel and Claire were stable as they could be given all they’d been through. Hearing that did little to calm his nerves, and he found himself reverting back to the first comfort one learns to seek out in life - his Mom.

He'd been unsure if she would even answer his call. Frank knew he deserved the worst possible outcome, but he couldn’t survive without Laurel and Claire. The minute she answered, he started talking and didn’t stop until everything was out and his voice finally broke, the tears starting up once again. He expected her to tell him that is what he got for behaving the way he had for so long. He expected her to hang up on him. He expected her to tell him to get away from Laurel and Claire because anything he was near, he would ruin. What he didn’t expect her to say was that she’d be right there. He didn't deserve to hear her say that.

He was standing outside the NICU when she exited the elevator, rushing to him, and wrapping him in her arms. In that moment he didn’t feel so much taller and bigger than her. He felt small and insignificant; having no control over anything happening in his life. Like old times, she wanted to know every detail and used that same gift she had for making the worst situations seem not so horrible just by listening. She understood him not allowing her to see the baby until Laurel was able, and she stayed with him until he received a better report on them both.

When his parents returned to meet Claire, it was obvious to him all the shit he’d done and put them through didn’t matter anymore. It was long forgotten the second they saw the tiny miracle he was partly responsible for. He’d finally, after thirty-four years, done something that brought some good into their lives and made them proud.

 

_Frank sat next to Laurel in her hospital bed holding the tiny baby girl between them as they stared at her in amazement. It was hard to believe she belonged to them. All the heartache and uncertainty of the last nine months had ended in the beautiful little being in his arms. She was theirs and she was perfect._

_Laurel rested her head against Frank’s shoulder as he uncovered the baby girl in his arms. “Crazy to think she was in your stomach…” Try as he might, Frank couldn’t imagine this little person was the same one that kicked when Laurel would eat or drink certain things. Ice cream being the thing that got her most excited._

_“Only because she wasn’t in your stomach,” Laurel smiled. “I can absolutely believe all six pounds of her was in there.”_

_Their eyes met briefly before focusing on their baby girl again. Her voice still weak from all she’d been through and her color hadn’t completely returned, but through all that, she had the glow of a new Mother. Frank was certain she'd never looked more beautiful to him. He'd never cross any lines, and he'd always respect her feelings, but this experience only made him love her more._

_Laurel softly laughed as Claire tucked her legs up against herself when she reached out to touch a tiny foot. “She’s like you,” she said. “Doesn’t like her feet touched.”_

_Frank smiled. Any similarities between him and their baby girl were mind-blowing. The more Laurel pointed out, the more he could see it. He’d never doubted Laurel for a second, but actually seeing what he helped create was unbelievable.  For so long, she had been such an abstract idea; an idea he tried not to get attached to._

_They heard a light knock and saw the door open as Frank’s Mom entered the room; his Dad behind her in his wheelchair.  The “It’s A Girl!” balloons and pink roses proof they were just a little excited to finally have a granddaughter.  “I hope we’re not interrupting,” his Mom said. Frank knew deep down she didn’t care; she just wanted her hands on the newest Delfino._

_“Not at all,” Laurel said sweetly. “Come see her.”_

_Before taking the baby, she was at Laurel’s side. “How are you feeling, sweetheart?”_

_“I’m ok,” Laurel replied. “Thankful she’s here and healthy.” Frank knew she was exhausted and in pain, but she’d never let them know. She barely let him know it, and only because she couldn’t hide it when he helped her out of bed._

_“We’re thankful both of you came through that,” his Mom said. “You scared us to death.” Laurel would never realize just how much she’d terrified him. He’d never felt more out of control in his life. Frank now knew no matter what happened between them, as long as she was in the world and ok, that is all that mattered. He’d made more than one bargain with God as he sat in the waiting area on the off-chance that He was there and listening. Selfishly asking that one day Laurel could love him again wasn’t one of them._

_His Dad rolled closer so he could get a better look. “No doubt Frankie’s responsible for this one! Scarin’ the hell outta us already!” Frank smiled as he carefully passed Claire to his Mom. She was crying before the baby ever made it into her arms._

_“This is Claire Rosabella Delfino,” he said._

_“Oh, she’s just….” His Mom couldn’t continue as she stood there crying over the sleeping baby in her arms. She looked at Frank and he understood. He knew she couldn’t have ever believed this day would come. He’d caused many sleepless nights, where he was certain she stayed awake wondering if he was alive. It felt good to finally bring her some happiness.  “She’s absolutely perfect.”_

_She turned and placed Claire in his Dad’s arms as she continued crying. “Look at this,” his Dad smiled. He uncovered the baby so he could get a head to toe look at his newest grandchild. “Don’t see how somethin’ pretty as you came from that guy there!” The baby yawned as if to respond. His Dad lifted her to his face, kissing her tiny head._

_His Mom continued crying as she stood next to his Dad and took in everything about the baby. “She’s so tiny compared to all our boys!”_

_“We had linebackers, the grandsons were linebackers…” His Dad held one of Claire’s tiny hands between two of his fingers. “This one’s perfect. You two did good. We’re gonna keep her!” The tiny baby cried out as he continued looking her over. "Got a feelin' this is the boys' new boss," he said of his grandsons. He made the mistake of touching her foot, which she immediately curled up against herself. “You see that? She’s like Frankie, can’t touch those feet!”_

_Frank laughed. “That’s what Laurel said earlier.”_

_She got enough of his Dad checking her out from head to toe and let out a little cry once again. It took everything in Frank not to leap out of bed and rush to her, but he knew his Dad had more than enough experience with situations such as these._

_“Even her cry is girly,” his Mom said. “She sounds so much sweeter than the boys did!”_

_“You’ll have to excuse your Mother; she’s a little excited to have a granddaughter,” his Dad said._

_She popped him on the shoulder, “It's because we don’t have girls in our family! There hasn’t been a girl born in the family since we married and God knows that was an eternity ago!”_

_His Dad continued to stare at the baby. Frank knew he’d never admit it, but he was just as smitten. “Thought it was a genetic issue for a long time," he said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. "We Delfino men just didn’t have any female swimmers. Frankie must’ve had the one though…”_

_“Dad!” Frank said. “Geez….” The fact that Laurel didn’t react to any of the crude things his Dad blurted out proved she was part of the family no matter their status. Not being completely offended by his Father was the one true test, and from the beginning, Laurel had passed._

 

Frank entered the kitchen and saw Laurel and their Mothers preparing food for the masses that would be coming over shortly. Claire stood right next to Laurel, holding on to her leg. He had no idea how Laurel continued to do all she was doing with a baby hanging off her, but it never seemed to slow her down.

“We have enough fruit for an army,” Laurel said. "Frank, stop!" She elbowed him in the side as he reached around her to steal a few pieces of fruit.

"You were just complainin' 'bout havin' too much," he popped back.

"No such thing as too much," his Mom laughed, “You’ve witnessed the Delfinos eat, Laurel. You live with the main one.”

"Oh, I know," Laurel replied. He wrapped his arms around her, kissing her neck before stealing a handful of grapes. "Frank! I have a knife I just may use!"

He laughed, "See what I deal with?!"

"I see what she deals with," his Mom replied. "Stop getting into the food!"

"He had to stop by McDonald's on the way over," Laurel said. "He was going to die of starvation in the time it took to get from our place to here."

"I was weak," he leaned down and gave her a quick kiss when she turned around to shoot him a look. "Besides, who ate half my fries?"

"I had three or four," Laurel insisted.

"I see," he nodded. "My recollection is a little different, but..."

"Take your daughter somewhere," Laurel instructed. "She's behaving like you, standing around begging food. She has definitely been fed!"

Frank laughed, picking Claire up from where she stood next to Laurel's Mom begging bits of avocado. "Baby's hungry! Can't help we never get food, can we?"

She immediately starting fussing and trying to get down. "She wants to stay with you," Frank said. He put her down and she immediately wedged herself between Laurel's leg and the cabinet as Frank's Mom watched on.

"She thinks she's hiding," Laurel said as she continued cutting fruit. "We haven't quite mastered the concept yet."

Frank laughed to himself as he watched Claire hold on to Laurel's leg, and peep around every so often. "What you makin'?" He asked Laurel's Mom.

“I tripled the recipe for the dip. Laurel said your family likes it.” His family was going to go insane over the fact the dip was here and made by the original “the dip” maker. "I hope it's enough!"

“Doesn't matter how much you make,” he explained. “They’ll eat all of it.”

“Ma Ma Ma Ma….” Claire babbled, patting Laurel’s leg.

“What?” Laurel smiled, looking down at her. “What is it?” She looked up at Laurel, showing all her tiny teeth as she smiled. Laurel picked up a grape, biting it in half, before handing it to Claire.

“Where you want the burgers?” Frank asked, almost forgetting why he’d come inside in the first place. He’d already grilled so much food that he was pretty sure they could feed the neighborhood. However, he had witnessed his family tear through food. Realistically, they’d probably be left with a few crumbs.

His Mom turned around. “Where you put them is fine. If you’ll look in the fridge, there’s plate of chicken to go on next.”

“Really...” Frank said. “Ma, we didn’t invite all of Philadelphia.”

“No,” she replied. “But what we did invite eats like all of Philadelphia.”

“Da Da…” He looked down to see Claire watching his every move, but not letting go of Laurel for a second.

“You wanna go with me?” He asked. “Help me cook all this stuff? Nonno is out there. Not helping, of course, just tellin’ me what to do…” His Dad was good at that. Always had been.

“No,” Laurel said quickly. “I don’t want her out there around the grill. She’s fine in here with us.”

Frank looked at Laurel as she continued cutting up fruit and arranging it on a tray. The boss had spoken. He’d discovered during his first year of Fatherhood that anything concerning safety automatically deferred to the Mom. It was just the way it was. Claire toddled in his direction with the biggest smile on her face, her arms stretched out for him to pick her up. “Mommy said no,” he told her as he picked her up. “Gotta stay in here.”

“We’re here! Finally!” Frank saw Michaela and Asher enter the kitchen. Michaela’s arms full of bags that contained vegetables Laurel asked her to pick up. Asher was buried beneath a pile of presents he was trying his best to carry. The present pile was growing into what Frank would have to upgrade to a mountain pretty soon. They would never be able to get all of it home in one trip.

“Oh, thank you, thank you!” Laurel said, clearing a place for Michaela to put the bags. “Please tell me I gave you enough money? If not, Frank has cash on him.”

“You gave me plenty,” Michaela replied. “I have your change in my purse.”

“Keep it,” Laurel said.

Michaela walked in his direction, arms held out to take Claire. “Hey, Beautiful! Happy Birthday! You want to come see me? I brought Uncle Asher!”

Claire grinned before laying her head on his shoulder. “Tell your Daddy to go outside so the rest of us can have a chance with you!” As long as he was around, Frank knew she wouldn’t go to anyone else except Laurel. “Look at her little toenails! Oh my God,” Michaela shrieked. “That’s adorable! How did you get her to let you do that??”

Frank shook his head. There was a time he probably would have argued against Laurel painting their daughter’s toenails, but he’d given up.

“Did it while she was asleep,” Laurel replied. “I do most anything like that when she’s asleep. Otherwise, it’d never happen.”

“A girl cannot wear sandals without painted toenails,” Michaela laughed. “No fashion faux pas for Miss Claire!”

“I’m a little afraid of what she does to me when I’m sleepin',” he said. It wasn’t entirely untrue.

Laurel looked at him as she walked in his direction to take Claire. “You should be.” Claire immediately went to her and rested her head on Laurel’s shoulder. Claire’s universal sign that she wasn’t going to allow anyone else to hold her. “You don’t wanna see Aunt Michaela? Or Uncle Ash?” Laurel sighed as Claire gripped her shirt in her little hand. “We’ve decided to be shy all of a sudden for some reason.”

“That’s ok,” Michaela smiled. “It’s a lot all at one time!”

“Walsh held her the other day,” Frank said. “Believe it or not!”

"No!" Michaela said. "No way!"

"I took him a box of books he wanted to study for the Bar," Laurel said. "Frank is who put it in my car because I couldn't carry it. So anyway, Connor came down to get it and I had gotten her out of her car seat for a few minutes because you know how she is in there. She was standing next to me and took a step away from me, though you know my shadow wasn't going to go far. I guess Connor thought she was about to walk off and so he grabbed her up."

"I wish you'd gotten a pic," Michaela said.

"It scared her." She kissed Claire as she kept her little head on her shoulder. "But that was ok, because Uncle Con was just trying to keep you safe." She laughed as she remembered something else, "He was like please don't tell Frank I made her cry."

"I should come tearin' in here when they come in," Frank laughed. He'd immediately be dealing with Laurel after having his fun, but he thought it'd almost be worth it.

"You better not," Michaela laughed.

“They are on their way,” Asher said rejoining them after putting the presents away. “Ollie text me a few minutes ago. You guys going to the wedding?”

“I told you they are,” Michaela told him.

“All I know,” Laurel said. “Is Laurel is not babysitting any drunks this time around.”

“Which translates into I will be keepin' up with her,” Frank replied.

She looked up at him, holding Claire who was busy eating something else she’d been given, “Hey, I had to sit through their engagement party huge and pregnant with this one, because that’s how they feel about me and wouldn’t wait like three more months until I had her…..”

“You have to throw it within a certain amount of time after the proposal,” Michaela said.

“Screw etiquette,” Laurel continued. “So there I was like six months pregnant stuck at the table with these fools. Who started drinking the second we walked through the door.”

Michaela laughed, “And she got hit on by like three guys.”

“I’d just point to my belly by the time the second one came along and sat down next to me,” Laurel said. Frank could only imagine the attitude those guys had received from a pregnant and hormonal Laurel. “It’s like clearly someone has been here recently, so you probably don’t wanna go there.”

“'Least you still have it even if you’re about to explode a baby outta you,” Asher said. “My sister can’t even get hit on….”

“God,” Michaela groaned. “Here we go about his ugly sister…..”  

“Well she’s, sheesh…,” he said. “Anyway, nobody will have to babysit. It’s all there at the resort. Once we’re there, we’re there. Long as we can make it back to our rooms, we’re good…” Frank had doubts about their ability to do that, but maybe they’d surprise him. “Is Baby D coming with?”

“Oh no!” Laurel said quickly. “Her invitation got lost in the mail. We love her, and I know I’ll have multiple breakdowns knowing we’re like sixteen hundred miles away from her, but…..we need a baby-free trip.”

At first, Frank had been annoyed to find out he was being taken to a wedding against his will, but upon further review, he decided it’d be worth sitting through the ceremony. “Not participatin' in any group activities, so don’t even sign us up….”

“We’re not,” Laurel agreed. “Don't even expect to see us. We’ll crawl out when we get hungry or wish to socialize.”

"Room Service, babe." Frank reminded her.

"Right!" Laurel said. "We may just crawl out long enough to attend the wedding. We can eat all our meals in bed."

"Better not want us for any pictures," Frank added. "Nothin'"

"They can just Photoshop us in," Laurel replied.

“The whole week, huh?” Asher said suggestively. "Get it, Frankie D!"  Frank shook his head. Doucheface would go there.

“Actually, Asher,” Laurel said. “Sleep will be the main event going on in Frank and Laurel’s room. I could weep with joy at the thought of like twelve hours of uninterrupted, peaceful….”

“No baby feet to the head,” Frank added.

“Yes,” Laurel agreed. “No baby butt all up in your face, no little fingers trying to pry your eyelids open at the crack of dawn!” Claire tried to feed Laurel the piece of apple she was holding. “Nobody shoving food in our faces,” Laurel said as she opened her mouth so Claire could feed her the apple. “Just uninterrupted, wonderful, glorious sleep!” The young, clueless couple in front of them had no idea. They’d know one day, but for now, they’d just have to accept the fact they’d be entertaining themselves while in St. Thomas.

“We do love her, though,” Frank laughed. “And by ‘bout day three we’ll be the annoyin’ parents talkin’ nonstop ‘bout their kid.”

“FaceTiming her constantly,” Laurel added. “Will totally be us.”

Frank knew she was absolutely right. He had doubts they’d make it through the first day without saying they shouldn’t have come and left Claire back home. Neither of them having any clue just a short time ago that the tiny girl in Laurel’s arms would be the highlight of their lives. Every day started with thoughts of her and every night ended the same way. Life and priorities had changed more than he ever thought possible.

  
  


**Month Nine**

 

_March_

  
  
  
It was obvious how different their lives were now just by looking around at all the crap they’d brought to the beach. What was supposed to be a Spring Break trip to Florida for Laurel and Michaela, had quickly turned into one that also included Frank, Asher, and Claire. Frank told Laurel numerous times he would gladly stay back in Pennsylvania with Claire for the week while she was gone. Her final semester of Law School had been stressful, things between them had been stressful, and she deserved a break. Laurel wouldn’t hear of it.  

He knew very well it wasn’t that she didn’t want to be away from him for a week. It was absolutely her Mom anxiety reacting to the thought of being a thousand miles away from Claire for a week that had her insisting they come along. Laurel tried to act unbothered, but she was totally one of those Moms that was attached to her baby and couldn’t be away for too long.

The flight down had been fine, as had traveling from the airport to the resort. The trouble started when they discovered due to the volume of Spring Break guests, there wasn’t a last-minute reservation they could get for another room. He and Laurel had offered to find something else, but Michaela didn’t want them to be separated for the week and insisted that she and Asher were fine with sharing a room.

Frank remembered what it was like between him and Laurel before Claire came along. Not that their sex life was horrible now that they had her, but the spontaneity had definitely taken a hard hit. There was no way Asher was fine with any of it.

Much to Frank's surprise, they’d survived half the week together with only minimal issue. Claire was used to eating dinner, getting her bath, and then going to bed. The fact all of that happened for their nine-month-old well before most young people got their night started presented a few problems, but they were making it.

The first night she’d been woken up when Michaela and Asher came in from their night out a little after two in the morning. It had taken Frank and Laurel well over an hour to get her settled down. Every night since they’d not heard them come in and Frank could only imagine Michaela had threatened Asher’s life if he made a sound.

Contrary to their going to bed early, was Michaela and Asher’s desire to sleep in. As long as Claire was around, that didn’t happen. She was awake and ready to start her day when the party animals had barely entered their REM sleep cycle. Ear plugs and them being quiet as possible as they got dressed to leave out for breakfast was the solution they’d come up with on that end of things.

They were sitting on the beach, under an umbrella, doing absolutely nothing. Frank feared he’d never be able to get back on a plane to Philadelphia and real life now that they’d spent most of their week relaxing on the beach with nothing to do and nowhere to be. He wasn’t sure why he’d dreaded this trip so much now that he was here.

Laurel sat in the beach chair next to his, holding Claire as she nursed. Laurel had her hair up, so Claire had taken to holding onto her bathing suit strap or the towel Laurel had her covered with. “Frank,” she said as Claire pulled the towel down once again. “Can you….”

He reached over, putting the towel back where Laurel wanted it, smiling as Claire grabbed his finger in her little hand. She didn’t know how to be still and eat. The older she got, the more she was all over the place, distracted by anything other than what she was supposed to be doing. “We gonna hold hands?”

“If that keeps her occupied,” Laurel said. “Yeah, you are.”

Frank looked over at Laurel, smiling as he rested his book on his lap so he could keep Claire occupied and Laurel from flashing those around them. He decided it was the least he could do. He leaned over, kissing Claire on the head as she continued eating, not at all bothered by the fact she was making the entire situation incredibly difficult. “You scared Doucheface away,” he laughed.

“That always does,” Michaela replied from where she sat on the other side of Laurel. “I think about us actually getting married, having kids, and then I see how he behaves when she has to eat. Seriously. You mentioned breastfeeding her, Laurel, and he’s running toward the ocean. Freakin’ Jaws could be out there and still…..”

Frank looked out at Asher as he hunted for shells in the surf. It was true, anything remotely related to Claire seemed to skeeve him. “He’ll come around. I was weirded out about it at one time too.”

Laurel looked at him. “You never once acted weird about it with her.”

“‘Cause it’s you,” he replied. "Why would that bother me? We don't even shut the bathroom door anymore!"

Michaela leaned up out of her chair, looking in his direction. "You two don't shut the bathroom door when you have to go?"

Laurel looked at her. "Have a baby in front of Asher, Michaela! Any shred of dignity you have left will cease to exist by the end of the first week. I promise you. Tell her!"

"Yeahhh," Frank said. "Seen more of her than she's seen of herself....bathroom door bein' open is kid stuff after all that, Michaela. Separates the men from the boys havin' one of these."

"You two are weird and gross," Michaela said. "Not normal. I am never leaving the bathroom door open around Asher!"

"Ooooook," Laurel said. 

“Won't always bother him," Frank said. "When it's your kid it's different."

“He’s saying there is hope for Asher yet, Michaela,” Laurel said.  

“I really wonder sometimes,” Michaela said. “Like we’re nearing thirty, so it’s like if he’s never going to decide to grow up….”

“Michaela,” Laurel said.

Frank closed his book with his free hand, the other resting on Laurel’s shoulder as their daughter continued holding his index finger. “Give the guy a chance,” he said. “You ever think I’d turn out to be the catch I am?”

Michaela laughed. “I love you, Frank. I mean that. We’ve had our times, but….”

Laurel smiled at him. “They do grow up, Michaela. We can’t really change them, but these little people do. Asher loves you, so try not to worry about everything else. It all falls into place somehow.”

It was hard for Frank to imagine any of them in the places they were currently in. When he first met the group he now knew as the final Keating five, he could have never predicted things to go as they had gone. He never saw Michaela relaxing enough to ever be friends with Laurel, much less in a relationship with Asher. He never saw Connor settling down enough to find and stay with Oliver. He never saw him and Laurel ever having a real chance. And though he had his own feelings where the final surprise was concerned, he never saw them ending their time at Middleton minus one member. Things changed, people changed, and most in ways one would never expect.

“Have you thought about when we take the Bar?” Michaela asked.

“I’m just trying to make it out of our final semester,” Laurel replied honestly. Frank got tired of hearing her talk like she wasn’t ranked among the top of the class, but after three years of it, he’d come to realize self-doubt when it came to academics was just her thing. “We have what? A little over a month left and nobody has slacked up on us AT ALL.”

“You have the highest GPA out of our entire group and you have a baby,” Michaela said. "I don’t even want to hear it.”

“I’m seriously less than a point ahead of you, Michaela.”

“Yet you’ve carried, given birth, and raised another human whereas I’ve only had myself.” Michaela was impossible when she got like this, even Frank knew that.

“You’ve had Doucheface, though,” Frank said.

“Mmm,” Laurel nodded. “This is true.”

Michaela playfully smacked Laurel in the arm. “There was a time when I was top of the class, just so you know.”

“We know…” Frank replied.

“Connor and I were talking, and I really think I am going to get a hotel room the night before the Bar. There is no way I can be around Asher and focus, you know how he gets before a big test. I love him, but I need to be as far away from him as possible.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Laurel told her. She sat Claire up in her lap as she fixed her bathing suit top before removing the towel from them. “You all done?” She picked up a bib and wiped Claire’s mouth free of milk and drool. Reaching into the diaper bag next to her, she got some teething gel and rubbed it on Claire’s gums. “You’ve been happy today, so I’m keeping you numbed up with these teeth coming in….”

Teething. A whole chapter in the parenting nightmare book all by itself. Frank had been convinced for a while that Claire just wasn’t going to have any teeth, then in the latter part of her eighth month and all of her ninth she’d been working on four. The screaming, drooling, and chewing on everything a whole new experience to their normally happy baby. Frank had found a new respect for women in general after watching everything Laurel had been through since becoming a Mom. He found a whole other level of it when he saw Laurel struggle through breastfeeding a teething baby. It had been a wonderful month around the Castillo-Delfino residence.

“Ready for those chompers to come in,” Frank said to the baby. Claire grinned as she lunged in his direction, laughing as he took her from Laurel. He brought her to his face and kissed her cheek. “You all full now?”

“She better be,” Laurel said. “Though she didn’t bite me this time! That’s progress!”

“I would DIE,” Michaela said dramatically. “You hear me? Die.”

“It hasn’t been fun,” Laurel said.

Frank placed his hand on Laurel’s thigh. “You’ve had my full support, babe. With you in that trench the whole time,” he said sarcastically.

She shot him a look, “No offense, but you’re the last one standing when you’ve got a teething baby biting the hell out of you. Trench empty.”

“I would DIE,” Michaela repeated.

He reached down beside him, gathering some sand. He held his hand open for Claire to see and watched as she touched it with her little hand, looking up at him and smiling. He never cared much about his surroundings until she entered his life. Seeing the world through her eyes was something he’d never take for granted. “No,” he said stopping her from putting her hand in her mouth. “You can’t eat it.”

She squealed out loudly as she patted Frank’s bare chest with her little hand. He grabbed a teething toy out of her bag and handed it to her. He laughed as she immediately brought it to her mouth and started chewing on it, “Better than sand, huh?”

Michaela stood from her place next to Laurel, “I guess I’ll go see what he’s up to. Let him know it’s safe to get out of the ocean now.”

Laurel laughed to herself as Michaela walked off in the direction of the water. She sat quietly, interlocking her fingers with Frank’s, his hand still resting in her lap. The past month had brought so many changes. He’d worked hard to open up to her more, letting her in and not shutting her out when something was bothering him. It was hard, but it was the only way. Frank had noticed her being much more affectionate and open with her feelings. They had a long way to go, but he knew they’d make it.

“Oh!” Laurel said excitedly as she checked a message on her phone. “Our bedding finally shipped!”

“Still don’t see what was wrong with mine….”

“Ok, really?” Laurel replied. “Total man cave. You live with two females. We’re not living in the Bachelor Pad prototype.”

Frank knew he’d never win this argument. “Nothin’ wrong with the bed.”

“No,” Laurel said. “Nothing wrong with the bed, so we’re keeping the bed. I’m just getting new sheets, new duvet cover…”

“See,” Frank said. “I don’t even know what the hell a duvet is.”

“What was on my bed,” she explained. “I just think if we’re sharing a bedroom, like for real sharing one and going in this together from the start, it needs to reflect that. I don’t think I should have to deal with a complete man room and you shouldn’t have to deal with something crazy feminine. When you moved in with me after her, you had to deal with all my stuff. We're doing this for real now." Crazy feminine, in his opinion, was exactly what he'd be dealing with. 

“The little pillows though,” Frank replied. “Never said anything 'bout them at your place, but seriously, Laurel? Why I gotta take fifty pillows that have no purpose off the bed 'fore I can go to sleep at night?”

“Because you love me and you know that I love accent pillows,” she said matter-of-factly.

They decided to sublease her apartment and she and Claire had moved in with him. Laurel felt her place held too many bad memories and she wanted to start over. Frank agreed completely, but it had been a nightmare. Every single day had been spent packing her place up, deciding what to keep and what to get rid of, and moving it to his place. Once there, they had to decide what of his they were keeping and what was being tossed out to make room for everything that came with Laurel. All of that in addition to work, school, and a teething baby and Frank was positive he wouldn’t be returning home from Florida when the rest of the group did.

They sat and watched Michaela and Asher lost in their own world. His shells long forgotten as he picked a screaming, laughing Michaela up and tossed her over his shoulder. “That’ll never stop bein’ weird to me,” Frank laughed.

“Stop,” Laurel scolded. “They’re sweet.”

“Never said that,” he explained. “Just, did you really think Prom Queen was gonna end up with Doucheface? Come on. The very first day you met them, did you ever see it?” There was no way she could have. Michaela was engaged and Asher was, well…..Asher, only less mature.

“No,” Laurel answered honestly. “But did you really think the WALLFLOWER would hook up with you?”

Frank looked at her, that same smart ass smirk forming on his face that she couldn’t resist. “First, Bonnie named you that. Not me. Second, absolutely. Not a shadow of a doubt.”

She laughed as she playfully shoved him, “You’re horrible! You only hoped I’d give you the time of day.”

“Gave me more than that,” he popped back.

Laurel looked at him, trying her hardest not to laugh. “Claire, your Daddy is a real charmer. Let’s hope he never loses that quality.”

Frank leaned over, kissing Laurel as Claire started babbling, clearly not impressed with being ignored all of a sudden. “Da da da da,” she babbled.

Laurel smiled, taking Claire back from Frank, “Were we ignoring you?” She got a laugh out of the baby as she kissed her little face. Claire immediately became occupied with some strings on Laurel’s swimsuit coverup and busied herself with them.

“Attention span of a gnat,” Frank laughed.

They went back to watching Michaela and Asher, content to sit in the silence for a while. “You know he’s going to propose after graduation. I told you that, yeah?” Laurel said, finally breaking the silence.

Frank looked at her. “First I’m hearin’ of it!”

"I did tell you," Laurel said. "Other night in bed, but you don't hear ninety percent of what I say when you're half asleep." She talked to thin air most nights.

"In my defense...." he replied.

“Shut up,” Laurel laughed. “Anyway, yeah. It’s been operation find Michaela a suitable ring for weeks now.”

“So that’s why Doucheface calls you so much,” Frank said. He assumed they’d been assigned a project or something together and thought nothing more of it.

Laurel nodded. “Finally found the one. I thought I was going to kill him before it was all said and done. So yeah, she has no clue based on her freak out earlier, but he is.”

Frank laughed. “Who woulda thought it! Doucheface is makin’ an honest woman outta Prom Queen!”

“You think we’ll ever get married?” Laurel asked. It wasn’t a  question that suggested anything, nor was it a question full of resentment that a bigger commitment hadn’t happened for them yet. It was simply an honest, Laurel question.

Frank sat there for a few minutes, thinking about what she had just asked him. “You wanna get married?”

“I don’t know,” she replied. “Don’t know that we’re really marriage people, you know? Or maybe we are and we don’t know it yet. If I ever do decide to get married, you’re my guy.”

“Deal,” Frank smiled. “Gotta admit, it’s kind of fun being the scandalous ones. Walsh and Oliver engaged. Those two soon to be. Leaves me and you shackin’ up with the cute as hell out-of-wedlock baby. Makes for better gossip. ”


	12. Time Passes By

Laurel had never been one for huge messes. It was a well-known fact that out of everyone’s apartment, hers would always be the cleanest. She knew she ran the vacuum and mopped the floors a little more than most normal people, but in some weird way, it calmed her. Having that problem with a baby had presented a bit of a challenge, but Claire had adapted to her routine well enough.

All of the above was precisely the reason Laurel felt as if she was going to break out in hives as she watched Claire smear cake icing all over Frank’s face before putting a handful in her mouth. She thought there was a baby somewhere under the light pink icing, but she couldn’t be completely sure.

Claire started out unsure about the small cake in front of her. She hid her face against Laurel as they sang to her and wasn’t interested in the cake until Frank got a small bit of icing on his finger and fed it to her. Once she realized exactly what that pink stuff was, she was all for it.

Before Laurel could reach for a wipe and attempt to contain the disaster that was Claire’s first encounter with cake, she got another faceful of icing as Claire’s little hand came in contact with her mouth. “Thank you, Claire,” Laurel said, eating the icing.

She looked at Frank who was seated on the other side of the highchair and burst out laughing. “Your beard, my God. We just need to get a razor, babe.”

They watched as Claire squealed out as she grabbed two handfuls of cake and put them on her head next to her birthday hat that was now lopsided. “She’s just playin’ in it now,” Frank laughed. Laurel watched as Claire got another handful and stuck her little arm out to feed it to Frank. “Claire Bear, believe it or not, I’ve had enough cake.”

“I never thought I’d see the day,” his Mom said from her place nearby.

“Ok, couple more obligatory cake pictures,” Michaela said. No matter the event, she was the designated photographer. “Frank, Laurel…..lean in on either side of her. Laurel, don’t even start, just do it….Claire! Hey, beautiful girl!! Look at Auntie Michaela! Look this way!!”

After several pictures, Laurel decided that was plenty. She leaned in to kiss Claire’s icing covered cheek at the same time Frank did. Completely unplanned just like the best pictures typically are. “Oh my God, that’s the picture!” Michaela shouted. “That is so sweet!”

Frank looked down at the confection covered baby, “Ready to get cleaned up?” He very carefully unbuckled a diaper-clad Claire from the high chair and lifted her out, cake dropping off her the entire time as she clapped for herself. “Got cake in your diaper!”

“I don’t even know where to start,” Laurel said as he handed Claire in her direction. “Really? You’re gonna hand me the icing covered baby?” She took the sticky baby in her arms, kissing her. “This is beyond what baby wipes can do. We probably just need to give you a bath..” Claire squealed out again and kicked her little legs. “Da da da…” she said.

“Frank,” Laurel said as she passed Claire back in his direction. “She requested you.” The minute he had her in his arms her little hands went to his beard, touching the icing she’d put there earlier.

“You all three look like you lost a fight with a bakery,” Connor told them. “Dunno why you are playing hot potato with her.”

Laurel rolled her eyes. “Claire, go give Uncle Con a BIG hug!”

“Look at this picture,” Michaela said. “Tell me that isn’t the sweetest thing you’ve seen….” Laurel looked at the picture of her and Frank kissing a cake covered Claire and had to admit that would be the first birthday photo she’d still be showing people when Claire was a teenager.

“Guys,” Laurel said. “There is cake and ice cream in the kitchen if you want any. We aren’t going to make you eat what’s left of this one. Except for Connor…” She felt him playfully pop her shoulder as he walked by on his way to the kitchen. “Seriously, you and Oliver are on our list.” She’d have to remember the toy, that made as much noise as possible, they’d gifted Claire with when they had children.  

She walked into the living room where Frank stood watching their daughter who was spinning in a circle where she stood and laughing at herself. “She’s so hyped up on sugar….” She fell on her bottom and rather than getting upset, just laughed at herself. “Doesn’t even know what she’s doin’....”

“Claire,” Laurel laughed. “Daddy is the one that kept shoving cake in your face, so he gets to stay up with you, how does that sound?”

“Yeah….” Frank said as he picked Claire up. “No.”

She turned to Michaela who was making her way into the living room with a bowl of ice cream. "Claire! Look! Somebody put your movie on! _The Little Mermaid_ , it's been years!" 

"I have no idea who put it on," Laurel said. "I could probably recite it at this point. Say something has to distract me while Mommy is studying and Daddy is at work." She looked over to Frank who put Claire down and shook her head in disbelief as the baby walked to stand in front of the TV. Whoever thought this was a good idea could be the one to get her away from the TV. 

They watched as Claire bounced in place along with the music on the screen and clapped for herself. Laurel saw Connor enter the room and immediately look down at Claire. "What's she...." 

"She's dancing," Laurel answered. They all watched as she continued with her little moves that seemed to have no ending. 

"Got those moves from the Delfino side," Frank laughed. 

Asher and Oliver joined the others and became just as enthralled in the cartoon on the screen and the baby dancing to the music as the other adults in the room. "I used to watch this all the time," Asher said. "My sister." 

"Appreciate the lobster bein' Jamaican," Frank said. 

"That's Sebastian," Laurel informed him. "And he's a crab."

Michaela nodded in agreement. "Well, the movie isn't even set in Jamaica, so I have no idea how he found himself that far from home." 

"Life's mysteries," Frank replied. 

"Where is the little fat fish?" Connor asked. "He's yellow...."

"Flounder," Asher corrected.

Frank looked over at Asher. "That's not a flounder."

"That's what he is," Asher replied. "That's his name."

"You ever saw a flounder?" Frank asked.

"Oh my God," Laurel said. She reached out and took Frank's hand, pulling him in her direction. "Do not get in a debate over a cartoon character."

"Just sayin'," Frank said wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her to him. "That's not a flounder."

"Uh uh, do not touch me with your iced beard," she said as she leaned away from him.

"He's not a flounder, guys," Oliver piped up. He was armed and ready with his phone full of information, per usual. "Says here that is just his name, but he's just some type of tropical fish."

"What'd I say?" Frank said. He laughed as Laurel popped his arm.

Laurel moved away from him and walked in Claire's direction. "Claire, let's go get cleaned up." The second she picked the one-year-old up, she started trying to escape Laurel's arms. She walked over to Frank and dumped her in his arms.

"Hey," he said to the little girl in his arms with her bottom lip stuck out. "That only works on me when Mommy's not around," he told her. "Gotta go get cleaned up." She laughed out as he tickled her little face with his beard.

"Ok," Laurel said. She nudged him in the direction of the stairs. "You're getting dried icing on your Mom's floor. We're gonna go upstairs and get her cleaned up."

"We'll be here," Michaela said. She looked around at the guys who were all staring at the TV. "Watching  _The Little Mermaid_."

Laurel followed Frank upstairs as Claire babbled the entire way. “Maybe she’ll have that sugar high crash. Always happened to us when we’d binge on sugar to stay awake!”

“Somethin’ tells me she’s got more energy stored up than we ever did,” Frank replied.

Laurel turned the bathroom light on. “You aren’t going to bed until you clean your entire face. We’ll wake up with ants.” The amount of icing in his beard could decorate a small cake.

Frank stood Claire on the counter and took her diaper off. He laughed as cake fell out and hit the counter and bathroom floor. “Laurel,” he said. “Look at this…”

She turned around from adjusting the water temperature to see cake from their daughter’s diaper all over the place. “Tell Daddy you had to keep it somewhere!” She took Claire from him and placed her in the water. “Can you hand me the baby wash from underneath the sink. That’s where your Mom keeps it, I think.”

She managed to get Claire to sit down so she could start cleaning her up. “Messy girl,” Laurel smiled. She soaped Claire up from head to toe, doing her best to remove all the icing best she could. “I get why you let them do this at their first birthday party, but you never think of the clean up afterward.”

“You would,” Frank said. He got down on the floor next to Laurel so he could somehow clean himself up also. “Baby wash all we got?”

Laurel laughed. “It’ll make your beard softer.” She passed him the bottle of baby wash. “This should be interesting.”

Claire immediately noticed him leaning into the tub and started trying to stand so she could go to him. “Claire, you stay here.” Laurel watched as the one-year-old marched in place, stomping her little feet in the water, and began crying.

“That’s a new one,” Frank said.

“You can show your temper,” Laurel said. “We don’t care.”  

Claire continued screaming and trying to get to the back of the tub where Frank was. Laurel watched as he made quick work of cleaning the icing off his face and out of his beard, so he could rinse and be done, removing the distraction.

Claire continued crying and trying to walk around the tub despite Laurel’s best efforts to sit her down. She managed to bathe her as she cried and made it as hard as possible. “Claire, seriously…” She let go of Claire who immediately walked in Frank’s direction.

“Claire Bear,” he said as she stuck her little hand on his face and helped lather the soap on his beard. “Guess I needed help.”

“The expert,” Laurel laughed. “I’ve said it a million times before, I know, but after carrying her for nine months, giving birth to her, being sleep deprived for an entire year, I have to deal with her being OBSESSED with you. Bad enough she looks just like you, but the obsession…”

He handed Laurel the cup so she could fill it with water as Claire stood right next to him. “You’re Daddy’s girl, huh?” He made a face at Claire who squealed out laughing as she touched the soap bubbles on his face. He quickly rinsed and finished up before grabbing a towel and drying off. Once finished, he reached out with the towel and picked Claire up out of the water. “‘Member the first time we gave her a bath?”

She remembered how in the beginning, everything was terrifying. Laurel laughed as she recalled that event in the first few days Claire was home from the hospital. They had been scared of everything. They must have spent a half hour making sure the water temperature was just right, even going so far as to use a thermometer. “You know you’re new at this when you get a thermometer out to make sure the water is the exact temperature it should be.”

Frank laughed. “Couldn't clip her nails either. Had to call Mom…”

“I know, right? We just knew we were going to take half a finger off with those baby nail clippers.” Laurel tickled Claire’s tummy getting a laugh from the baby. She immediately started pointing where Laurel had just tickled her. “That’s your belly button!” That is all it took for the one-year-old to become fixated on her tummy.

Laurel followed Frank out of the bathroom and into his old room to get some pajamas for Claire. Frank sat down on the bed with her as Laurel opened the drawer to get some pajamas out. She looked over and saw her naked baby walking all around on the bed. 

She joined Frank in the struggle to get the diaper and pajamas on the baby who was twisting and turning all over the bed. She started crying and reaching for Laurel. “Claire,” she said picking her up. The second the baby was in her arms she stopped the tears and smiled. “She can turn that on and off like she has a switch.”

Frank laughed, “She can.”

“Ma ma,” Claire smiled.

Laurel was certain it was the day making her so sentimental and prone to tears, but she didn’t think she’d ever get used to hearing that sweet voice call her Mama. When the little whirlwind in her arms came into her life, Laurel had no idea what the next day would bring, let alone the next year. She kissed Claire on the cheek, “I love you.”

She sat down in the rocking chair in the room, “Was this from when you were a baby? The chair, I mean.” She’d never asked him before in all the times she’d been up to that room.

“Think so,” Frank replied. “Ma just put it in here after she came along. Never asked where she got it from. Looks like it’s pushin’ forty.”

Laurel smiled, “You aren’t pushing forty.”

“Mid-thirties, Laurel,” he said. “Might be at the top of the hill, but thirty-six is the start down…..”

Claire laid in her arms, twisting and twirling the piece of hair she decided to hold onto. Laurel had no idea why that had become her comfort of choice, but since she was a tiny baby, Claire always had to hold onto her hair. “She’s grown so fast. Too fast.”

“Sometimes I still can’t believe she’s mine,” he admitted. “Most times I can’t. All the shit I’ve done…” It always went back to this, and while he was doing better, Laurel knew he struggled day after day with his past. She got the feeling he was trying to continue the conversation from that morning. “Told myself so many times I probably didn’t need to stick around, for her benefit, but once she was here…”

“I know,” Laurel said. “Do you think I haven’t struggled with that? Knowing that I don’t deserve her? I do,” she explained.

“You do,” Frank said quickly. “You’re good, Laurel. Always have been. Yeah, got mixed up in some stuff but that wasn’t your fault. Hell, I’m mostly to blame for that too.” When he looked up at her from his place on the bed across from where she was sitting, she could see tears in his eyes. “Didn’t mean to fall for you like I did. You know that.”

Laurel leaned down and kissed Claire’s little head as she continued rocking her. “You can’t help who you fall for. And thank God you did, or we wouldn’t have this one.” A thought Laurel couldn’t imagine now that she was here. The baby started whining, something she did when Laurel wasn’t reading her mind fast enough. Her little hand gripped Laurel’s shirt and tugged.

“Want me to get her bottle?” Frank asked. “Got one in the fridge.”

“She’s not going to take it,” Laurel replied. “She wants to nurse.” She removed her shirt, finding that the easiest way to get things done. “Hopefully, no one comes up here looking for us or they’ll see more than they meant to. Or, well, my bra at least.”

Frank got up and locked the door, “Problem solved.”

She continued rocking as Claire started nursing, her little body relaxing in Laurel’s arms immediately. “This is the only time she’s done this all day. Took her nap earlier without it. I may get her weaned yet!”

“You get her to stop that at bedtime,” Frank said. “I’ll believe you can do anything.”

They sat in silence for a bit, perfectly content to just be in one another’s company. “About earlier,” Laurel said softly. “I don’t think it was ever our choice as to how we were going to learn from our pasts. In a lot of ways,” she continued. “Having her wasn’t the easy way out.”

“Best thing that ever happened to me, though,” Frank replied. “How you figure I deserve that?”

“You don’t,” Laurel said. “Neither do I, but that wasn’t our decision. She happened for a reason and she brought a lot of stuff with her that we had to deal with. I’d rather struggle through dealing with it for the rest of my life as opposed to not having her.”

“Feel the same,” Frank said.

“I don’t know why we have her,” Laurel said truthfully. A year later, she still didn’t know. She didn’t know why after everything she’d been a part of, this little miracle was placed in her life. “Maybe it was so we couldn’t brush things that happened under the rug. Maybe it was so we’d have to feel that remorse every single day. Maybe it was for reasons I’ll never understand, but she’s ours for a reason.”

She could tell Frank was taking everything she said in. “My brother told me right after I told them you were pregnant,” Frank began. “He told me I was about to be smacked upside the head by reality. He told me I had no idea what it would feel like to see my own flesh and blood. Said if that didn’t change me, nothin’ ever would. He was right.” He wiped his eyes before continuing. “Year ago was the first time my world was ever in color. Even much as I loved you, it just…”

Laurel smiled. “There’s nothing else like it, I know.”  

“Don’t think I could ever love another one the same way,” Frank said. “Wouldn’t be fair to it. Then the thought of somethin’ happenin’ to either of you like it did with her. I know you want more and I could lie to you, tell you I was on the same page, but…”

“I don’t want you to do that,” Laurel said. A part of her would probably always want more with him. That’s just the way love worked. She never got enough where he was concerned and she could only believe she never would. In the not so distant past, what they’d built over the past year was far more than she ever thought they’d have. “I’m not going to resent you for feeling that way. I only want it if you do too, so….if she’s it, then she’s it. Besides, I lost all the baby weight once, probably wouldn’t happen again... “

Frank laughed, “I dunno ‘bout that.”

It felt good to actually have a conversation with him that didn’t end in a screaming match. It felt good to laugh with him. “Would you look at that? We had a rational conversation about something. I didn’t scream at you once!”

Frank smiled. “Maybe we’re finally growin’ up…”

  
  
  


 

**Month Ten**

  


_April_

  
  
  


It was a surreal feeling to sit in the Middleton Law School building on what was their final day of 3L year. Their coursework was finished, all requirements had been met, and final assignments had been submitted and graded. All that was left to go up was their final rankings.

They’d struggled a bit at one time, but they’d all worked incredibly hard and were now among the top of their class, they just didn’t know in exactly what order. The rankings would go up later in the afternoon online, but it was a tradition for the class to hang out and wait for the paper copy together. The journey to this day seemed to take an eternity in some ways, and then in other ways, Laurel felt as if her first day as a 1L was just yesterday.

She’d gone to pick Claire up from Frank’s parents’ house early, bringing her back to school after she and Michaela finished lunch. It didn’t matter that Claire was hanging out with them as they waited, so she decided to give Frank’s Mom an early break.

“Claire,” Laurel said as she got a spoonful of yogurt and held it to her mouth. The baby sat in Laurel’s lap, mesmerized by all the people and chatter going on in the Law Clinic room. So much so, that Laurel was struggling to feed her. “Claire, look at Mommy…” As soon as the baby turned back in her direction she put a spoonful of yogurt in her little mouth.

“Da da da,” she babbled as she patted the table in front of them with her little hands.

“Daddy’s at work,” Laurel said to her. “Bite?” Claire turned back to her and opened her mouth for another spoon of yogurt.

“That’s gotta be the life, yo,” Asher said. “Someone feeds you, holds you all the time, you poop your pants, boobs…” he said, cupping his hands in front of his chest.

Connor looked up from where his head laid on the table, “That’s basically your life…”

Claire smiled in Connor’s direction, holding her little hands out. “Aww, she wants you to hold her,” Michaela said.

He reached out, shaking her little hand, smiling at her. “You stay with your Mom.”

“Connor, you hold that baby,” Michaela ordered.

“Nah,” he said. “I don’t hold babies.”

Michaela popped him on the shoulder. “When a baby asks in their baby way to be held, you don’t refuse them, jerk!”

Laurel finished feeding Claire and then wiped her mouth with a baby wipe. “Uncle Connor doesn’t do the whole baby holding thing, Claire. That’s Uncle Ollie that holds you. He’s not here.”

Michaela rolled her eyes, “Refusing that baby. You’re awful! She’s just trying to make friends with you!”

Connor looked back at her, “We’re friends! Aren’t we, Claire? We’re buds! We just respect one another’s personal space!”

“Oh my gosh,” a voice Laurel barely recognized was suddenly behind her. She turned around to see a couple girls that sat near her in Annalise's class during their 2L year. “Laurel is this your baby?!”

“No, we just bring random kids to class,” Asher popped back as Michaela kicked him under the table.

“It is,” Laurel smiled politely.

“She is so pretty! What’s her name?” Laurel was used to being a sideshow attraction when they took Claire anywhere. Babies attract random people who would never speak to you under any other circumstances. Normally, Frank was the one that did all the talking. Those that knew him didn't find that hard to believe.

“Claire,” Laurel answered. Claire looked up at the girl and smiled. “Can you say hello?” Laurel said to her, watching as Claire grinned before hiding her face against her chest. “We’re kind of going through a phase of wanting to make friends but deciding not to at the last minute.”

“Hey there!" The girl attempted again as Claire kept her head against Laurel. "She’s so adorable, how old?” These people never took a hint either.

“She’s ten months,” Laurel replied. Small talk wasn’t her strong suit, so she knew this was going to get awkward in a matter of minutes if they didn’t go back wherever they came from. The one that wasn't talking simply stood there and stared.

“So glad I got to see her,” she said. “Good luck, guys!” With that, they were gone as the group sat looking at one another.

“Who was that?” Michaela asked.

“I have no idea,” Laurel whispered. “She sat a few seats down from me last year in Annalise’s class.” She knew exactly how the girl knew her name - she’d been the sore thumb that stuck out after Wes died. Some of her classmates probably wouldn’t admit they were among those that stared at her like she was going to flip out any second when she returned to school, but she noticed it. It was also why she was the only one out of their group the majority of their class could call by name.

“Here comes two more,” Michaela said under her breath.

“Laurel, she’s gorgeous.” Laurel vaguely remembered the two women standing in front of her. “How you managed to get through this last year doing all of this by yourself...without Wes…” These two came from the public mourner's group. That’s where she recognized them from. Those that pretended to know their group or anything about their lives after Wes died. "You're so brave." 

Laurel gave them a look that let them know they knew nothing about her life, “I haven't done it by myself. Her Father and I are together.”

The look on one of their faces told Laurel all she needed to know. This idiot never got the memo that Wes wasn't the Father of her baby. She didn’t know how to respond, but she knew as soon as it registered with Michaela she wouldn’t need to worry about it.

“Really?” Michaela said suddenly. Laurel smiled to herself, knowing her best friend well enough to know it was coming. “She has light brown hair and blue eyes, guys…”

The girls gave a polite smile and walked back in the direction they’d come from. The four of them started laughing not caring if the two classmates could hear or what they thought. It probably was confusing, Laurel had to admit, but it was none of their business. They’d never see the majority of these people again. “Were they joking?” Laurel asked.

“Sadly,” Michaela said. “I don’t think so.”

“How could anyone think she belonged to Wes, like…..I mean I see why you’d possibly think that if you weren’t standing here looking at her…..” Laurel quit talking, deciding she’d never figure someone that stupid out. The scary thing was knowing those two could possibly be the only thing standing between a client and a lost case. “Wow.”

“Cause that’s not it,” Connor said as he burst out laughing. “This whole time,” he laughed, laying his head on the table. “This whole time they thought you’ve been passing that one,” he pointed. “Who is cute as hell, but Frank Delfino marked her, there is NO doubt….” He started laughing again. “They thought you were passing her off as Waitlist’s kid! Cause of you two being together at the time! I think they _were_ confused standing here looking at her.”

“I’m offended for Wes, actually,” Asher said, the hint of a smile on his face. “He couldn’t even deny paternity. You were out of line, Castillo.”

“I was,” Laurel smiled. “This is actually a story Frank will find funny.” She would have to remember to tell him once home. She wondered just how many other classmates were shocked to see her light brown hair, blue eyed baby girl.   

Michaela held Claire’s little hand as she tried to get control of her laughter. “I feel like we should make an announcement. Did they seriously think you were telling people she was Wes’ baby?”

Laurel kissed the top of Claire’s head. “No, it’s great. We’re leaving it as is!”

“Da da da,” Claire babbled as she patted Laurel’s arm.

“Is Frank,” Connor said to her. “Your Dad is named Frank.” The baby smiled at Connor as he continued talking to her. “Your Mom may have lied to you all along, but Uncle Con is telling you the truth!”

Laurel rolled her eyes as she laughed, “Stop it.”

“Hands down,” he said. “Greatest story of our time here at Middleton. If we’d known sooner we could have had some fun with it!”

“Showed her pictures and talked about how much she looked like Wes,” Michaela said as she started laughing again. “I’d feel bad, but I know he’s somewhere laughing too. I _know_ he is.”

Laurel smiled, “Probably so.” It was bittersweet ending without him, but it was good to have finally reached a place where they could sit around talking about him like they wanted to remember him. None of the drama, none of the secrets, just their friend.

Their conversation was interrupted by the head of the department entering the room with a piece of paper in his hand. “Moment you’ve all been waiting for. Before you all rush to the bulletin board, I’d like to say a few words. If you haven’t applied for graduation, today is the last day. If you don’t get that taken care of, don’t show up planning to participate. You’re adults, so let’s take care of our business.”

“They would send this windbag,” Connor whispered.

“You take care of caps and gowns there as well,” he continued on. “You need to make sure your name is exactly as you want it printed on the diploma. You also need to make sure the address you want it shipped to is the one in the system. Look for those around the middle of June. The Commencement Ceremony is May thirteenth. We’ll be on the South Lawn. Walking in at ten thirty for you JD’s. If it rains, we’ll move it to the auditorium. Same time.”

Michaela groaned, “This could have all been an email.”

Laurel agreed completely. She was just hoping Claire continued to stay quiet since this guy was obviously planning on being up there for a while.

“Every year I like to recognize the Top Ten students in each graduating class. This class is a resilient one, having lost a member during your second year, and you should be commended for your hard work. Not a single student failed to meet the requirements for graduation. The following students are this year’s Top Ten, each one of you will receive one of the awards presented. The students receiving awards that aren’t in the Top Ten, you’ll receive an email notifying you.”

Laurel looked down at her phone, checking the time. She had come to read her name off a piece of paper, not sit through a mini graduation ceremony. Claire immediately spotted the picture on Laurel's lock screen, one of the three of them, and started babbling at the sight of Frank. Laurel covered her little mouth with her hand. "Shhh," she whispered. The baby hushed as she took Laurel's phone in her hands and focused on it. 

“Matthew Cohen, Allison Martin, Emily Schwartz, Bryan Carey, Mina Hayes, Laurel Castillo…”

At that Laurel looked up, shock evident on her face. The other three looking at her with genuine happiness on their faces. It had stopped being a competition between them a long time ago.

“....Jerome Bell, Michaela Pratt, Roselyn Klein, and Samuel Li. Those are your Top Ten, congratulations and this class is officially dismissed from Middleton Law School.” Cheers rang out over the class as chairs moved and people shuffled toward the bulletin board to see where they fell in the class ranking.

Laurel and Michaela kept their seats, still in shock over their place amongst the class. “We must have done a hell of a job on all of our final papers. We were close to breaking into the Top Ten, but…”

“You think the guys are ok?” Laurel asked, looking up to see Connor and Asher patiently waiting for a turn at the board to see where they fell.

Michaela shook her head, “Nah-uh. We are not doing that. They had same chance we did. You managed to pull the sixth spot out after missing the end of first semester our second year and taking your finals when your mind had been anywhere but in the books. You started this year with a three-month-old, were by yourself during finals first semester and the first month of this semester because of your and Frank’s stupid bullshit, sorry Claire, so you deserve that spot more than anyone!”

Laurel knew better than to argue with her.

Claire laughed as Michaela tickled her belly. “Your Mommy is smart, Claire, and she’s trying to downplay it and it’s driving Auntie Michaela crazy! Yeah,” she laughed as the baby laughed back at her. “It’s driving Auntie Michaela crazy!”

“Twelfth,” Connor said as he plopped back in his chair. “Oh well, jobs still come to Top Twenty students, right?”

“Of course they do,” Laurel said. “Connor, I’m…”

“If you’re about to apologize for ranking higher than me, I’m gonna stop you.” He said. “That’s freakin’ awesome, Laurel. Look at everything you’ve had going on. I couldn’t have done it!”

“That’s what I told her,” Michaela said. “And…"

“I know you’re about to brag,” Connor said as he nudged Michaela’s arm with his. “I’m happy for Laurel, not you.” He laughed as she popped his arm.

They saw Asher walking back in their direction. “Eighteen,” he said simply. He sat down in his chair as the others sat in silence, not sure what to say. His ranking wasn’t bad, but it always sucked to be last. Claire started clapping her little hands, breaking the silence, as they smiled at her.

“She says eighteenth place is good to her,” Laurel smiled. “She didn’t clap for the rest of us.”

Asher smiled as he reached over to take Claire from Laurel. She smiled the second she was in his arms, giggling as he tickled her belly. He kissed her cheek as she continued babbling and clapping her little hands. “Long as you’re happy, I’m happy!”


	13. How Far We've Come

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The last chapter of what started out as a simple little idea and way to cope with what I was seeing on my TV screen. There will be an epilogue to follow. Thank you to those that read along, left comments, and kudos.

Frank sat in bed, a stack of photo books at his side, looking through them for the first time. They’d always been around; he’d just never had an inclination to go through them. He chalked the nostalgia up to it being Claire’s first birthday.

If there was one thing he could say about Laurel it was that organization was one of her strongest traits. The books ranged from her first year at Middleton all the way to the most recent one she’d created of Claire. The current book he was thumbing through was from sometime during her first year. The girl he saw in the pictures was so full of hope and had an innocence about her he wished she hadn’t lost so soon.

He looked up to see Laurel enter their bedroom with Claire in her arms. “She won’t stay in her bed,” she said. “I’ll get her to sleep, but the second I put her in the crib, she wakes up crying.” Their daughter was one for routine. It had been a late night with no semblance of the routine she was used to. Frank wasn’t shocked she wouldn’t stay in her own bed.

“Come here, you.” Frank took her in his arms, kissing her as he settled her next to him in bed. “She sleepin’ with us?”

“I don’t care,” Laurel said. She started stripping out of her clothes before she ever made it to their bathroom. “If you want to try it, be my guest. I didn’t have any luck.”

Frank looked down at the baby who had nestled herself into his side. One little hand holding his shirt and the other holding her stuffed lamb. He hoped that maybe one day he could find in him the ability to tell her 'No' or put his foot down about something. For now, he couldn’t resist those blue eyes looking up at him if he tried. “You know I can’t kick her outta our bed.”

“I was just about to ask what had gotten into you.” She disappeared into the bathroom, laughing at the very idea of Frank being able to put Claire in her own bed and leave her there. He was hopeless and everyone knew it.

Frank flipped through the book seeing pictures of Laurel with people he’d never met. He assumed they were people she’d known when she first came to the city and before her world shrunk to the small group of people who carried the same secrets she did. The little one perked up immediately when she spotted a picture of Laurel. He laughed to himself as he watched her sit up and point to the picture. “That Mommy?” She got closer to the book and pointed to another picture. “Yep, lots of pictures of Mommy. And a bunch of people I don’t know.”

“It feels like ten lifetimes ago that I took those,” Laurel said as she got in bed and joined them. She pulled Claire over on her lap as she settled down next to Frank. “Those were all people I knew from other law classes. You know, back when I thought I knew where my life was gonna go.” He could only imagine how different the life she had was from the one she probably hoped for one day. The things that had molded and shaped her young adult years were nothing she could have ever predicted for herself.

Frank smiled, “You know what they say ‘bout makin’ plans.” He knew very well she was mostly talking about ending up with him and being a Mother by the time she walked across Middleton’s stage at graduation. “Where’d you think it was goin’?”

“Eh,” Laurel sighed. “I knew I wanted to help people. I didn’t want some corporate job. Didn’t know if I’d go back to Florida or move somewhere else. Definitely didn’t think I’d end up staying here.” She hugged Claire to her as she continued looking at the book with Frank. “I wanted the husband and kids thing. I just thought it’d happen down the road in my thirties....”

“So you always wanted ‘em? Kids?” Frank would never be able to adequately describe how good of a Mother she was. He knew she didn’t always see it, but that was just her personality. As much as Claire loved him, he could see the bond between her and Laurel. It was almost as if she knew at her very tiny age that Laurel was the woman who had taken care of her as long as she’d existed. Laurel was the person that would always keep her safe.

“Yeah,” she nodded. “I did. I worried about battling things that my Mom did. I wondered if I should take that chance and have children. I didn’t want them growing up seeing the stuff I did.” The choice had been made for her. Frank knew very well she could have ended her pregnancy and he would have been none the wiser. However, deep down, the choice had been made for her. Just as he couldn’t help but love the little being they’d created together even when he tried so hard not to; he knew she felt the same way.

“I never did,” he admitted. “You probably knew that one.” Frank had never been able to see past the mistakes he made and some days he still couldn’t. The last thing he wanted was to be responsible for someone else. “Now that I got her I can’t imagine ever feelin’ that way.”

“That makes me sad,” Laurel said. “It doesn’t surprise me, but it makes me sad. It just came naturally to you. Being her Dad.”

“I’m learnin’ right along with her.” Frank believed that more than anything. Everything their little girl learned taught him something. He’d learned to view the world completely different over the past year. His eyes had been opened to things he would never have seen without her. “Anyway, back to you, a husband?”

Laurel gave him a look. The same look she gave him when he crossed a line she didn’t mean for him to cross.  “You know what I meant. A _relationship_ and children…”

He wasn’t convinced. “Not sure that’s what you meant.”

“Frank.” He could tell she wasn’t going to have this conversation. Regardless of what she may have wanted at one time, she wasn’t about to admit still wanting that now. At times he wondered if it was a protective mechanism - if she didn't admit wanting it, then not having it wouldn't bother her as much.  “I’m happy, ok? I have no interest in dragging you down the aisle kicking and screaming.”

There was a time when the very thought of getting married would have caused him to run the other direction. Women were trouble and he managed to find enough of that all on his own. It was much easier to have a good time and end things before it got too serious. Then he met Laurel Castillo. Things had changed. Priorities had changed. “I’d follow you anywhere,” he smiled. “You know that.”

She didn’t reply to that, deciding to keep her thoughts to herself in a very Laurel-like way. As well as he knew her, Frank still found himself looking at her sometimes and wondering what was going on in that brilliant mind of hers. There were times he wondered if maybe he should make a bigger commitment to her. She deserved to know he loved and cherished her enough to make the biggest commitment possible and not be afraid. He felt like he wasn’t treating her with the respect she deserved by not taking that next step. Then he remembered his fiercely independent Laurel and convinced himself he was doing the right thing.

They continued looking at various pictures as they sat in silence. Pictures of happy smiles and laughter, the hell she would endure only weeks from that time nowhere in her wildest imagination. Frank laughed as he saw some snapshots from the Law Review where he realized maybe she wasn’t into him if her behavior with the Legal Aid guy was any indication. “Jesus. I ever catch you behavin’ like your Mama was that night, Claire…”

Laurel rolled her eyes as she playfully smacked him on the arm. “Please. You only came to that because I was there.”

“Never denied that,” he replied. In those very early days, he’d been like a lovesick fool. It started how it always did - she seemed sweet, innocent, and completely unaware of the jerks that lie in waiting for a woman like her. Add beautiful to the list and Frank was determined to have her. His usual M.O. at play. He quickly discovered Laurel was anything but innocent and unaware, yet rather than turn him off, it only made him want her more. He found his mood improving when the time of day she’d be coming to the office neared. He found himself looking for any excuse to talk to or be near her. The woman he thought he’d screw and be done with ended up taking his heart and locking it up so tightly he didn’t have a chance in hell of getting it back. “Left nauseous, but was a nice time while it lasted.”

“Would it help you to know I already had a crush on you then?” She took the book from him and looked at the pictures closer. Claire pointed to one and continued with her normal little babble. “She agrees with you,” Laurel laughed. “You’re glad I decided on your Daddy too, aren’t you? I wonder what happened to him. Kan, I mean.”

“Oh, I’m sure he’s off savin’ the world somewhere,” Frank replied. Kan was a decent guy; he could admit that. He would have been good to Laurel, probably been a good Dad to any kids they might have had, but he could never love her as much as Frank did. In any other circumstance, he would have probably been nice to him the few encounters they had. He’d just never been very good at sharing. “Really had a crush on me?”

“Stop,” Laurel said. “You know I did. You knew it then; you were just a jerk!”

“I was a jerk?!” He recalled going out of his way to be nice only to get shot down time and time again. She went as far as to tell him point-blank she wasn’t into him. It hurt his feelings, bruised his ego, but he tried to get over it. “You liked stringin’ me along is what you liked doin’.”

Laurel closed the book and tossed it in the pile he’d already looked through. “And you didn’t? String me along? Right into your apartment where I ran into your GIRLFRIEND at the time!”

Frank laughed. He’d always thought his luck was bad, but he knew for fact that night. He finally had what he wanted, and then a complication he never saw coming popped up. “Lookin’ back, that was funny, you gotta admit! What were the odds? She never went out of her way to do anything for me and then she shows up when I bring you home…” He had been so furious at Sasha that night. He’d yelled and acted completely irrational considering he was the one who was in the wrong.

“That was not funny,” Laurel told him. “It pissed me off even more that I cried over you.”

Frank didn’t realize she had cared that much. He was under the impression she was there for sex until something better came along. His plan had been to enjoy it while he could. A girl like Laurel would never fall for him and he shouldn’t have wanted her to. He should have let her keep walking when she left his apartment that night, but he couldn’t. “How you think I felt findin’ out you had Legal Aid Dude?”

“You always knew I had him,” she replied. “I was going to end everything with him because I had a thing for you, and then I got hit with that. Whatever her name was and don’t you dare say it if you remember it!”

“Hey,” he said sweetly. “I’m sorry. You forgive me?” There had never been anything for her to get upset over. She had him from moment one even if she never believed it. Throw a thousand women at him and still, the only one that would have his heart was the woman next to him.

She smiled at him, “Obviously.”

He picked up another book, opening it to find pictures from the fall of their 2L year. The last few months of Wes’ life. When she didn’t say anything, he turned the page to find the Keating Five, as they were known, smiling and so happy in all the pictures. Michaela and Asher trying not to look obvious which in turn made them look obvious, Connor and Oliver doing whatever it was they were doing at that time, and then there was Laurel and Wes. “We don’t gotta look at these if you don’t want.”

“No,” she replied. “It’s fine. Seeing him in pictures doesn’t bother me the way it used to.”

As he turned through the pages, it became more and more obvious that something was developing between the two of them. Something he’d been completely unaware of as he was off in his own head at the time in whatever place he’d picked that given week. “Sorry if I’ve ever made you feel bad ‘bout this. Bein’ with him.”

Laurel sat in silence, looking at the pictures for a long time without saying a word. The silence was beginning to worry him when she finally spoke up. “Those were taken just a few days before the fire,” she said. “You had come back to town, helped us out of some catastrophe, and I think he knew. Deep down I think he knew something was there between us that would never go away.” She turned the page to some of the last images Wes Gibbins would ever take. “No matter what I said or did, it always came back to you. The last time he and I ever spoke we were fighting about you.”

Frank looked surprised. “Never told me that…”

“Because I know you,” she explained. “I knew you’d feel guilty and I didn’t want you to. Even as angry as I was or how badly I treated you, I didn’t ever want you to know that.” She closed the book and took it from him, setting it aside to place in a spot of its own Frank could only assume. “I’m telling you that now because you know how much I love you. We have her and we’re in such a different place than we were. He knew I was never going to be over you and I shouldn’t have led him on like I did. I just couldn’t admit it to myself at the time.”

Frank said the only thing he could think to say in that moment. The one thing he knew was true even if he had never really known Wes at all. “He died happy at least.”

“You think so?” Laurel asked.

“Lovin’ you?” He replied. “‘Course he died happy. Circumstances surroundin’ what happened weren’t good, don’t mean that, but he died lovin’ you and knowin’ you loved him. He was happy.”

Laurel simply looked at him, obviously contemplating what he just said as if he’d told her the secret to the mysteries of the world. She leaned in, kissing him, before resting her head on his shoulder. “You are so my unconventional romantic.”

“Hardly a romantic,” he scoffed. “Name one romantic thing I’ve ever done for you. You got the short straw on that, babe. I love you, but I can admit I’m not the best at that stuff.”

“You are,” she smiled. “Sorry to tell you, but your tough guy exterior was ruined by this one here.” He could admit the little girl in her arms had changed him completely.

“Whatever.” Frank turned his focus back to the pile of books and picked up the first that chronicled Claire’s life. Opening it, he expected to see pictures of her from birth and beyond, instead, he saw that book documented Laurel’s pregnancy. Turning the page, he saw a black and white image with a subject so small he wasn’t even sure what he was looking at. “Is this…”

“Very first sonogram,” Laurel said. “You see that?” She pointed to the picture as Claire watched. “That little dot was you.”

Frank looked at the early sonogram pictures completely mesmerized by how tiny she once was. He hadn’t been in the picture during that time. They’d gone several months without any contact at all. There was a time he thought he could walk away. He thought he could move on and never look back even knowing he had a child. Now he knew he never stood a chance.

“I’ll be honest,” Laurel said. “I put that one together so when she got older and wanted to look at all this stuff she wouldn’t think I was a total wreck. I don't want her to think I wasn't excited about her. The sonograms, up until about week sixteen, I never looked at when they were done. I always had them put the printed pictures in a sealed envelope.” She had been candid with him plenty of times about how she felt when she first discovered she was pregnant. Terrified, alone, hurt, and a plethora of other emotions that period of her life had thrown at her.

“You weren’t a wreck,” Frank said. She had so much on her and no support at all. Michaela had tried her best, but even she couldn’t fully understand the magnitude of what Laurel faced and had lost. He knew she never believed he would come back after she’d kicked him out of her hospital room that night. She knew her best friend would never be coming back as he laid on a cold morgue table. And she knew the little life within her was the only thing that seemed to have a desire to stick around after surviving the fire and the aftermath of it. Her world was completely backward. “Wish I’d been there for you.”

Laurel sighed, “You were there about the same time my mind showed back up. The guilt just never goes away. It does for a while, but then I’m reminded that I actually contemplated giving her up.” Hearing her say that killed him. She was the only reason their daughter was alive and well. Her pregnancy had been full of stress, heartache, loss, and her body had been pushed to the extreme. Still, she carried that little life inside of her and protected it at all costs.

He heard the unsteadiness in her voice and knew the tears weren’t far behind. “Laurel,” he said softly. “Don’t. Don’t do that to yourself. You were never gonna give her up. Grief takes your mind crazy places and you’d just lost someone important to you. I was off actin’ like Father of the Year. First time I saw you talk ‘bout her, knew then you were completely in love and wouldn’t hesitate to kick my ass if didn’t toe the line. You gotta let all that crap go.” She had absolutely nothing to feel guilty for. She was the only one that had Claire in her thoughts for way longer than he’d like to admit. “Got nothin’ to feel guilty for.”

“It’s not like I gave you a chance.” Laurel looked up at him, her eyes saying more than she ever could. They’d always been able to see the truth in one another even when words failed them. “I just....I can still see your face that night you came to see me at the hospital. You just stood there and let me say that you should’ve died and..” with that her voice broke.

Frank gently lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him. “I remember yours too and it killed me knowin’ you were hurtin’ like that. I wasn’t worried ‘bout what you said to me. I was worried ‘bout you.” What she said had hurt him, he’d never deny that. He stood there with a broken heart not because of what he’d lost, but because of what the woman in front of him was enduring. He’d never forget her telling him she was pregnant, that the baby was his, and that she wanted him nowhere near them. She’d been so angry, yet the only thing he felt in that moment was sadness for her. Sadness for everything he believed he’d done to her.  

“That’s why you’re a far far better guy than you’ll ever give yourself credit for,” she said. "I was angry at myself because I knew if you were gone I wouldn't make it. I was trying to convince myself I didn't care when I told you that. It was pointless and I hate that I said that to you." 

"Stop," he said. "I know you love me." He'd hardly call himself a good guy, but for some reason, she saw him that way. Everything he was and everything he did was because of the two people next to him. He continued looking through the book and eventually started seeing things he remembered. Painting the nursery, assembling the crib, adding another shelf in the closet for more baby clothes than he’d ever saw in his life. “How’d you decide on her name?” That was one question he’d never asked. She decided and that’s all that mattered to him. He would have loved her name no matter what Laurel had chosen. “We only talked ‘bout it a couple of times, but I never knew how you decided on Claire.”

Laurel looked down at the little one in her arms as the baby looked up at her. "Is Daddy talking about you?" She kissed the baby on the nose and got a laugh out of her. “I didn’t think about names for a long time,” she said. “When the fog finally lifted, I realized I probably needed to name her. You and I tossed a couple back and forth, can't even remember now what they were. I was looking through a list one day and actually saw the meaning first. Her name means bright or clear and at that time she was literally the only brightness or clarity I had in my life. She was Claire. Never gave it another thought.”

He could recall being around Laurel during the end of her pregnancy and never once hearing her call the baby by name. He didn’t know back then if she hadn’t decided yet or if she just wasn’t ready to share that part of their daughter with him. “Fits her. For both of us.”

“I always thought so,” Laurel smiled. “Her middle name I found on a list of Italian baby names. I wanted her to have something from you even if you weren’t always around. I was planning to give her my last name, but I knew she’d ask about you. I hoped she’d know you, but I wasn’t certain at that time. I just wanted her to have something from you.”

That revelation was the thing that got to him. They had looked through some tough images to see, and they’d discussed some things said between them that still stung. Her saying that to him topped everything. The thought that at one time Laurel seriously didn’t feel like he’d stick around. He’d done nothing to show her he would, so it wasn’t as if he blamed her. It just hurt knowing she ever felt that way. He took Claire from her, kissing her little face as she giggled. She rested her head on his shoulder as he held her close and fought back tears.

The thought of his baby girl not knowing who he was or that he loved her as much as he did was almost too much. The thought of her ever thinking she wasn’t worthy of his time and love. The thought of never being the reason her little face lit up with the sweetest smile was more than he could handle.

“Frank…”

If he spoke, he’d lose control of the emotions he was trying to hold inside as the thoughts continued running through his mind. The thought of not having the little girl in his arms was too painful to dwell on very long. The thought that Laurel named her so one day when she grew up wondering why her Father had been in and out of her life, she’d at least have that. She'd have the illusion that he once cared enough to choose a name for her, a name that meant something to him. He’d seen the result of girls and women that had been mistreated or ignored by the first man who was supposed to love them. The thought of that ever being Claire…

Laurel took the book from him and set it aside before picking up another. She opened it to pictures from the first few months of Claire’s life. To an outsider, they’d never guess the two adults in the pictures had survived all they had. The only thing anyone would notice was how happy and in love they were with the tiny subject of the photograph. Even on their most exhausted days, they were blissfully happy all because they had her. They’d both lost so much, but having her was everything.

“I had a shitty Father, Frank,” Laurel said out of the blue. “I had a Father that made promises he never had any intention of keeping. He put everything and everyone in front of me and was never there when I just needed my Dad. Sometimes you just need your Dad, you know? You’re supposed to believe he can do anything, fix anything.” She wiped a few tears away before she continued.

“You hear that cliché about if you have issues with your Father that so often the cycle just keeps going,” she said. “You’ve always loved us, Frank. The first time I saw you look at her, I knew I’d done one thing right. I knew no matter how much I’d screwed up, or how much of a mess we were; I knew that I’d found a good Father for her. You’ve taken care of her and loved her from the first moment you saw her. She gets to be that little girl who knows her Daddy would do anything for her. She gets to believe you can fix anything and that you’re going to do exactly what you say you’ll do because she knows you’d never lie to her.”

He had trouble seeing himself the way Laurel did. He had trouble putting his past behind him and believing that someone with all his sins could be redeemed. The only thing he knew was that he’d love and protect the little girl in his arms until his dying day. That, he had no trouble believing when Laurel said it. The biggest mistake he thought he made turned out to be his salvation. “So sorry he treated you that way.”

“Doesn’t matter anymore,” she said. “Because of you, I know what a good Father is now.” She ran her hand over Claire’s soft baby hair as she rested in Frank’s arms. She was finally starting to lose the battle with sleep. “We were a mess, Frank. I couldn’t see outside of my anger and grief. You couldn’t see outside of everything going on with you. I thought there was no hope I’d ever be happy again. Then she came along.”

“She did,” Frank said. He looked down at the baby girl falling asleep in his arms and knew that he was meant to be saved else they would have never had her. “Gotta wonder why then, ya know? We were together a while. I ‘member how you used to take your pills.” He grinned at her as she looked up at him and smiled.

“Because we didn’t need her then. She came along exactly when we needed her.” Laurel answered. It was true. Bizarre as Frank knew it sounded, she was right. If Claire had come along when they had actually been together, they would have never appreciated what they’d been given. Most likely, she would have been raised in a broken home because they would have never seen past their own drama to realize what really mattered. Her timing had lined up with everything else that had brought them back together.

He’d never known there were depths like those he and Laurel faced during that horrible time. He’d never known what it was like to wish it would all end day after day but be unable to do it for some reason he had no knowledge of then. He’d never known daylight really could come after darkness so black it seemed to have no ending. It did. In the form of a tiny baby girl who would probably never know just how loved and needed she truly was.

When the end seemed inevitable; there was the beginning.

  
  
  


**Month Eleven**

 

_May_

 

 

Sitting through a graduation ceremony was something Frank detested. He’d been roped into attending more than one over the years and he’d just as soon watch paint dry. This year a whole new twist was thrown his way. Occupy the baby while what must have been four thousand people walked across the stage for their diploma. Or the diploma cover. The fact that Laurel’s actual diploma wouldn’t arrive for weeks was only adding insult to injury.

They were nearing the end when Claire decided she was done. Frank felt the same way but it wouldn’t have been as acceptable for him to vocalize that. The Delfinos had been playing 'pass the baby' up and down their section of the row since the ceremony started. Laurel’s Mom and brother were on his other side participating as well. Claire would be satisfied with someone for a few minutes and then they’d be back to square one all over again.

Frank reached over as his Dad handed the crying baby in his direction. It was a lot to ask of an eleven-month-old to sit through a long, drawn out law school graduation. Frank wanted to cry tears of boredom himself. They’d come to see Laurel and after that was over, he was ready to go. “Shhh,” he whispered as he tried to comfort Claire best he could. He reached into her diaper bag sitting on the ground next to him and got a sippy cup of water and snack bag of Cheerios out. The philosophy with a Delfino was when it doubt, try food.

“Look, Claire,” he whispered. “Look what I got.” He opened the bag of Cheerios and got a few out. He held his hand open and watched as she picked up the pieces of cereal one by one and put them in her mouth. He was never really sure what all Laurel packed in her bag, but somehow she always knew what was going to be needed. Claire smiled as she took a Cheerio and held it up to his mouth. He took it from her which seemed to make her happier than she’d been in the past hour or more. 

Claire took another one from his hand and held it up to his Mom who was sitting next to him. When his Mom reached out and took it, her little face lit up. The third piece of cereal she picked up and held out toward his Dad. Frank watched as his Mom nudged his Dad and he took the Cheerio from her. It didn’t take long for Frank to figure out this was a game and everyone was expected to play. Frank watched as she handed Cheerios down the row, watching as it reached the last member of their family in that direction - Frank’s oldest nephew. She never took her eyes off the cereal until it reached the correct recipient.

Frank laughed as she turned in the opposite direction and handed one to Laurel’s Mom. Her brother didn’t seem to understand the game and declined the cereal when Claire held it his way. “Take the damn Cheerio,” Frank whispered. If rationing her cereal out made her happy, then everyone was going to play along.

He ate what must have been half the bag of cereal before she decided that was enough and went back to whining to be put down. Frank heard the Benediction start and decided he should exit before Claire had a meltdown while the crowd was silent. He stood with Claire in his arms and quietly exited their row, making his way over to an area on the campus lawn that was occupied by others waiting around for the ceremony to end.

“Ma ma ma…” Claire said. She patted Frank’s shoulder as he held her and listened to the ceremony from where they stood. The ceremony may have been the last thing he wanted to sit through, but he was so incredibly proud of Laurel. So unbelievably proud. Her time in law school could be classified as anything but easy. It had been inundated with hardships from the beginning, but she’d made it and managed to do so ranked among the top of her class. He’d known the first time he saw her that she was special and that his instincts had been spot on.

“She’s almost done, Claire Bear,” Frank told her. He knew the baby didn’t understand the first word he was saying to her, but he felt as if he had to try. She was content in his arms as long as he was walking around. He felt her rest her little head on his shoulder as he gently patted her back. “Wouldn’t be sleepy if you hadn’t partied half the night in your crib.” He and Laurel must have been up no less than ten times through the night trying to get her back to sleep when they woke to the sound of her babbling in the baby monitor.

Frank rested his head against Claire’s. He couldn’t help but think about everything that happened on that campus. There had been so many mistakes made and lies told. He’d been part of things that he didn’t see for what they really were until he walked away from it. The grounds on which he stood were both his Heaven and Hell. This place had brought him to some of the lowest points of his life and then given him what saved it.

During the ceremony, the faculty had honored Wes by presenting a plaque to the remaining four in their group. Wes had no living family members, so his closest group of friends had to suffice. They’d handed it to Laurel without question and she had accepted it tearfully. All four of them were struggling to make it through graduation knowing they were taking the next step in their lives and officially leaving Wes behind. This phase of life was where he would forever remain. He wouldn't have news of Bar results or a first job. He wouldn’t meet someone, get married, or add kids to the group Frank knew they’d have between them all in a matter of years. The joys they were getting ready to celebrate would never find their way to him.

Frank thought it progress that lying in bed the night before Laurel confided that in him. The fact that she was excited to graduate and take the next step in her career and life, but it was hard knowing they were about to be finished with the only tangible pieces of Wes they had left. He did his very best to understand. He wanted to. He tried to, for her. Any kindness he showed the memory of Wes was for her.

Claire raised her little head and looked up at the tree they were standing under, the sunlight on her face making her blue eyes sparkle that much more. Frank had no idea what she found so interesting, but he would never grow tired of seeing the world through the innocent eyes of his daughter. He heard the familiar music start as the graduates stood from their seats on stage and started to exit.

He saw his and Laurel’s family headed in their direction as the crowd started to disperse. “Mommy’s comin’ this way!” He watched as Claire looked around searching for Laurel. “That way,” he pointed. The little girl in his arms had her tiny hands clasp together in front of her in the cutest way, most likely ready to clap and celebrate being reunited with Laurel.

“Think I see her!” He smiled.

He saw Adrian come up to stand next to him about the time Claire finally spotted Laurel. Adrian gently tapped her on the shoulder, but she paid him no mind. “I see you’ve zeroed in on your Mom,” Adrian laughed.

“Oh yeah,” Frank smiled. “Her concentration can’t be broken when she doesn’t want it to be.”

“I don't think I'll ever get used to seeing my little sister as a Mom,” he admitted. “Or practically married.”

“Watch it…” Frank joked in return.

Adrian laughed. “You know what I mean. She was a smart mouthed teenager just yesterday and I was the one in college.”

“Still has a smart mouth,” Frank replied. "Love the hell outta her, but she does."

Adrian nodded, “Don’t I know it! Just calls me up, tells me how stuff is going to go…”

“Welcome to my world,” Frank smiled. Laurel was so smart and dedicated to every minute detail of her life and work that he knew she’d be unstoppable at whatever she set her mind to. For now, her focus was on Immigration Law. She’d gotten an internship with a firm in the city and they’d hired her on very recently without waiting on Bar results. It was unusual, but he knew why they’d taken that chance on her. She was going to be a hell of a lawyer. That was clear to anyone who worked with her.

“Ma ma!” Claire said loudly. Frank looked up to see Laurel being stopped every other person or two to make small talk on her way to them. “Ma ma!” The little girl in his arms was growing more and more impatient as the seconds ticked by.

“Shhh,” Frank laughed. “She’s comin’. Not fast enough for you, I know…”

“Why don't you come see me?” Adrian asked, holding his hands out to take her. “Come see me while we wait for your Mom. We’ll go find Ita. She's around here somewhere. Think she and your Mom are becoming thick as thieves, which could be dangerous.”

"Oh yeah," Frank said. "They are. Found out they talk on the phone and gossip 'bout me and Laurel.”

Claire shook her little head as Adrian tried to take her from Frank and started crying. “Ma ma!”

The second Laurel noticed Claire crying, she politely ended her conversation with one of his family members and came over. “Hey, sweet girl…” She took Claire from Frank, kissing her cheek as she wiped the big crocodile tears away the baby had mustered up in a matter of seconds. “You knew I was coming back!” The baby laid her head on Laurel’s shoulder and snuggled into her. “You were such a good girl today!”

“Wouldn’t come to me!” Adrian said.

“Don’t blame her,” Laurel smiled. Adrian wrapped her in a hug and kissed Claire on the head. “She really does love you. Just has to be on her terms.”

Frank couldn’t agree more if he’d said it himself. Everything was on Claire’s terms. He pulled Laurel into a hug, finally getting a second with her after sharing her with everyone else. “So proud of you.” He gave her a quick kiss before he heard the familiar voice of Michaela telling them to look at her as she snapped picture after picture in the whirlwind of activity.

“Baby D!” Asher walked over with his arms out to take Claire who immediately clung to Laurel.

“She’s being antisocial right now,” Laurel explained.

Asher leaned in close to her little face that was resting on Laurel’s shoulder to make eye contact. “You don’t wanna come hang with Uncle Ash? You just hang on your Mama like a baby koala or something…”

Frank reached out and took Claire from Laurel. “Come on, Mommy has to take some pictures. Don’t want you in all of ‘em.”

“She probably should be,” Connor said. “She got more out of study groups than we did.”

Claire continued crying and reaching for Laurel. Frank could see she was torn, never wanting Claire to be unnecessarily upset. “Go, she’s fine. Hey,” he said to the crying baby. “Shhh, Mommy is comin’ back. You really think she’s gonna leave you to me and run away?” He knew he’d regret it later, but as she continued wailing in his arms, he reached into his pocket and retrieved his phone. “Look Claire.” The second she had the phone in her little hands she cut the crying off. He hit the home key so the picture would pop up. "That you and Mommy?"

Frank laughed to himself as he watched her tap her little finger on the screen as if she was really doing something. “Somebody’s callin’ you,” he told her. He took the phone and put it up to her ear. “Better say hello!” Claire smiled as she brought the phone away from her ear so she could tap around on the screen again.

He watched as the group of four stood together taking pictures. Michaela ordering everyone around, insisting they stand exactly as she envisioned the photograph to look. Connor and Laurel held phones up for one another as they fixed their hair under graduation caps. Asher was busy talking loudly to someone too far away to really have a conversation with. The four people he was watching would have never found one another in any other situation.

“We made it!” Frank turned to see Oliver walk up to stand next to him. “I thought we weren’t going to survive it.”

“You’re tellin’ me,” Frank laughed.

“Hey Claire,” Oliver said sweetly. She didn’t pay any attention the man speaking to her as she had forgotten the phone and started playing with Frank’s tie. “You look so pretty in your dress.”

Frank hadn’t paid any attention to her dress other than to notice it was white and that it didn’t mix with grass stains or dirt. Had it been any other color, Frank would have let her down to explore ages ago. “Dunno why Laurel dresses her in this stuff. She’s just gonna ruin it.”

“You’ll never understand it,” Oliver replied. “Don’t try. We got her birthday invitation in the mail yesterday! Can’t believe she’s going to be one next month.”

Frank didn’t even realize Laurel had mailed invitations out already. “It’s crazy. This year has gone so fast.”

“It really has,” Oliver agreed. “I remember Connor and I had just gone to bed after getting in from the hospital when Michaela called. She said Laurel was going to surgery so we needed to come back. I tried telling him there was nothing he could do so he’d be better off getting some rest, but he wouldn’t hear it. Think after what happened with Wes…”

Frank nodded. They’d all been shaken by what happened when Claire was born. He never really considered it was because they were scared of losing another member of their group. “They’ve been through a lot. That whole night was such a blur, just thankful everything turned out ok.”

“Definitely.” After a few more minutes of small talk, Oliver excused himself after spotting someone he needed to speak to. He was another casualty of time spent on the campus. There was a time he was an innocent IT guy. Before it all ended, he was just as guilty as the rest. They’d all been bonded by things they never spoke about. It made it hard to let anyone new in or to leave one another. Frank could only imagine that is why they were all staying in Philadelphia.

“Hey, Little Bit!” Frank watched as his Dad rolled over with some type of food in a shiny green wrapper in his lap. “Look here.” The second Claire spotted whatever it was his Dad had to lure her with, she was reaching her little arms in his direction.

“Dad, what is…”

“I got this, son,” he replied. “Gotta come sit with me! Tell your Dad we eat these when you’re over at our house, don’t we?” Claire went right to him as Frank sat her in his lap. His Dad pinched a tiny piece of the food off and handed it to Claire. “Loves Nonno’s cereal bars, don’t you? Only apple cinnamon. Nonna better not bring us any other kind.”

“You’re pathetic,” Frank laughed. “Don’t even play fair. Bringin’ food so she’ll go to you.”

“I know what works,” his Dad replied.

Frank didn’t even try to argue. There was absolutely no use. He simply let his Dad spoil Claire and make her even more impossible. He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around to see the last person he expected to come face to face with. Bonnie. “Hey,” she smiled. “Saw you over here on my way out. Thought I’d come say hello. That’s ok, right?”

“It’s fine,” Frank smiled. “How’ve you been?”

“Been good,” Bonnie replied. It was hard for him to believe they’d been so incredibly close at one time. There had been a line drawn in the sand that found them on opposite sides. It didn’t erase ten years of friendship, but it didn’t leave room for any future friendship they might have had.

“Dad, you know Bonnie.” There was a time she was familiar with most of his family. Those days were long gone also.

“Sure do,” his Father said. He extended his hand in her direction. “I’d come closer so you wouldn’t have to walk to me, but you see I’ve got my girl here eatin’....”

Bonnie laughed as she walked to shake his Dad’s hand. “She’s beautiful. Still looks like you, Frank, but there’s something about her that reminds me of Laurel too.” She reached out to touch Claire’s little hand. “Hey there!” Frank saw curious blue eyes look up at Bonnie before smiling and handing a smashed piece of cereal bar in her direction.

Bonnie smiled and took the food, “Thank you, Claire!”

“Don’t gotta eat it," Frank said. "She’s always tryin’ to feed everyone.”

“Gets that from your Mother,” his Dad said immediately. A fact none of them could argue as his Mother always had a dish of something ready for whoever might walk through her front door.

Bonnie continued watching the little girl as she focused on eating, every so often smiling up at Frank’s Father before feeding him bites of cereal bar. “She’s adorable, Frank. She really is. How old now?”

“Eleven months,” Frank said. “Time flies. Seems like yesterday she was born.”

Bonnie nodded. “It does.” They stood quietly as they watched the group pose for pictures. Everything going smoothly until Asher did something that caused Michaela to shove him and Connor and Laurel to start laughing. “You know, I did love this group and I’m so proud of them. They’ve made it through a lot and all seem genuinely happy.”

“Think they are,” he replied. “Closest group of friends you’ll meet. They fight like siblings, but they can’t function without each other. Whole group stayin’ here in Philly.” He didn’t want to get into too much in front of his Father, so he was hoping Bonnie would leave it there.

“I knew Laurel would,” Bonnie said. “Obviously. Unless she managed to drag you away from here to places unknown.”

“They can go, but this one stays,” his Dad interrupted. Clearly listening to their conversation more than he was letting on.

"I'd keep that one too," Bonnie smiled. “Didn’t know about the others.”

“All here,” Frank said. “You know Connor and Oliver are gettin’ married later this year? Figure Doucheface and Prom Queen won’t be far behind them.” That had been the biggest shock to him. The fact that the remaining group hated one another at first, but were now together for life. All of them a family that they didn’t have before they ended up in Annalise’s classroom.

“No way,” she laughed. “Not surprised about Connor and Oliver, but Asher and Michaela?”

"We've given up on Frank and Laurel," his Dad interrupted again. "Long as we got a grandbaby out of them, we don't care."

“Dad,” Frank said. He turned back to Bonnie, “Told Laurel when they start havin’ kids, the second generation rat pack ain’t goin’ to school together or havin’ the same career plans.”

Bonnie laughed. “Probably a wise idea if they are anything like their parents. One rat pack was enough. What are Laurel’s plans?”

“Immigration Law,” he replied. “She’s interned for a firm this past semester and they offered her a position. I mean, she’s gotta pass the Bar, but she won’t have any trouble there.” Laurel might not believe it, but he knew better than to doubt her.

“Wow,” Bonnie said. “That’s great, Frank! I know I don’t have to tell you a lot of firms do not take a chance on giving a new graduate a position until Bar results come in.”

“Laurel’s the smart one in the family,” his Dad added. “Tell people she’s my daughter and Frank my son-in-law, not the other way around.”

Frank look at his Dad once again before continuing. “Yeah, she was surprised, but she took it. This is the direction she wants to go and she’s good at it. She never was one of those cutthroats, we both know that. End of the day she wouldn’t be ok with some of the shit we’ve watched people get away with. Just isn’t for her. Don’t think any of them are goin’ into Criminal Law, actually.”

“I’m not surprised,” Bonnie replied. “Can you blame them?!”

“No,” Frank answered honestly. He didn’t want Laurel in that world. He would never tell her what to do with her life, but that was one thing he would have spoke up about. She didn’t belong in that world and never had. It took something from her that she’d finally managed to recover little by little.

“Da da da..” Claire babbled, holding her little arms up toward him so he’d pick her up.

“What?” Frank said. “You eat all Nonno’s food then leave him sittin’ there?” He took her from his Dad and hugged her to him. “What you want?” He smiled as she held smashed cereal bar up to his mouth. “No,” he turned his head. “Don’t want any of that. You eat it!” The game continued on as Frank kept refusing every time making Claire laugh.

“Only seen you look at one other girl that way,” Bonnie smiled. He knew she was talking about Laurel and he couldn’t deny she was right. Bonnie had noticed it the very first time he and Laurel were around one another even though she was adamant against it. The one across the way from him and the one in his arms had his entire heart. “It was really good to see you, Frank. Tell them congratulations for me.”

"Good seein’ you too and I will." He patted Claire on the back as she laid her head on his shoulder again. "Yeah, it's naptime, I know." He watched as Bonnie walked off in the distance. There was a time he could have never left Annalise and Bonnie and it had been a hell of a journey since he had. He turned around to see the group finishing up with pictures. He caught Laurel's eye as she got ready for a final couple pictures. The second he saw her smile that smile he loved so much his way, the one that still stopped him in his tracks years after the first time he saw it, he was reminded it had all been worth it. 

Hard and awful as it had been, Frank knew he would go through it time and time again if the end result was Laurel and the little girl in his arms.

 


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you to everyone that followed along. It started as fluff I desperately needed in light of what was going on with the actual show. I never expected anyone to read, much less leave feedback. This last installment is a little lengthy, but I wanted to wrap it up the way I always intended. Here's to hoping next season treats us better than the previous one.

It had been a year.

A year full of people, moments, and memories he still had trouble believing he deserved. Try as he might, Frank couldn’t understand how anything in his life found its way to him. It was an old struggle; one he knew would never really go away no matter how much time passed. His past stained with sins a man he didn’t even recognize anymore committed. For a long time, he thought it was his place to punish himself. Over time, he discovered something far beyond his control was calling the shots and his only choice was to let it go.

He’d come to terms with more than he ever thought possible. He had resigned himself to believe he was here for a purpose that he’d probably never understand. The life he’d been given wasn’t his own and even though he couldn’t change one thing about his past; he wasn’t going to take what he had left for granted.

The movie Claire insisted they watch ended well over an hour ago, and he was pretty certain both arms and legs were asleep, but he’d never move. Frank laid in bed with a sleeping Laurel curled into his left side. On the other side was the little girl who had stolen his heart over three years ago and never given it back. She’d burst into his life and changed his very soul. She’d given him purpose and set the journey to becoming a better man in motion. Curled up on his chest fast asleep was love in it’s purest form and the one that had blessed them with so many experiences they’d missed out on with Claire. The two-day-old baby another piece of Heaven he’d never feel worthy of.

He closed his eyes but was unable to go to sleep even though he knew he should take advantage of the rare moment. Laurel was a topic he could hardly speak about without getting emotional. She found him when he had no future at all. The pieces of his broken life so scattered that he had no hope they could be put back together. It had been a long time since he thought about where his life might go and even longer since he’d cared. Laurel had given him a life he never knew he wanted. She’d given him the most beautiful little girl who saved parts of him he’d long given up on. The little girl who looked so much like him, but had Laurel’s fiery spirit. Their three-year-old was his world.

Frank felt his eyes welling up with tears when he thought about the little one sleeping peacefully on his chest. He couldn’t imagine his heart being able to open the way it had when Claire entered his life. She had taught him so much, and in so many ways they had grown together. He couldn’t imagine sharing that same overwhelming love he felt for her with anyone else. He didn’t believe it possible.

 

_Frank quietly entered the bedroom expecting to find Laurel asleep. Instead, he found her sitting up typing on her computer, their bed littered with file folders, as she finished up some work on a current case. She looked up as he entered the room and continued typing._

_“Sorry,” he said. “She wanted four stories tonight.”_

_“Oh yeah?” Laurel smiled._

_“We negotiated down to three,” he explained. He stripped down to his boxer briefs, picking the clothes up to put in the laundry hamper in their bathroom. Somewhere along the way, and without him knowing it, Laurel had trained him. “Pretty sure I found someone to take your place when you get ready to retire.”_

_Laurel laughed. “She drives a hard bargain…”_

_Frank leaned down to kiss her before going to the bathroom to brush his teeth and get ready for bed. Claire was the spitting image of him, with very few features of Laurel’s, except her personality. **That** was Laurel Castillo through and through. The older she got, the more obvious it became. _

_Their almost three-year-old was the smartest, brightest little girl he’d ever known. She’d been speaking in complete sentences since she’d turned two and nothing got past her. She was, without a doubt, the joy of their lives. He’d never deny she was probably a little spoiled, but they were still as in love with her as the day she was born._

_“Heard you two went shoppin’ today,” he said._

_“Yeah,” Laurel laughed. “I’m sure she told you alllll about it. She got all smiley faces at Preschool this week!”_

_“Call the Pope. Certified miracle there,” Frank laughed. Claire was sweet, loved by her teachers, and normally well-behaved. The only issue was she loved to talk and didn’t always have the ability to silence it when it was time to listen. It was rare she was able to control it enough to get a perfect report the two mornings out of the week she attended Preschool. They’d been working on it._

_“She wanted to call you the second I picked her up,” Laurel explained. “I knew you were in court today, so I convinced her that telling you in person was better. You’re welcome.”_

_Laurel knew very well that Claire could call any time of the day and no matter what he was doing, he’d find time to talk to her. Even when she droned on and on in her little two and a half-year-old way. He never dropped the act of enthused and interested Father. “Got the full report, no worries. She was all proud of her…what’s she call ‘em?”_

_“Unnawears,” Laurel smiled._

_Frank laughed, “That’s it.”_

_“We had a whole discussion on the way home this afternoon,” Laurel told him. “I made the mistake of calling them panties. She told me without any hesitation that she wore unnawears and not panties. Nonna, Nonno, you, Ita, everyone in the entire family wears unnawears except me. So our daughter basically called me a weirdo.”_

_“Wasn’t gonna tell you, but,” Frank laughed. He turned the bathroom light off and got in bed while Laurel continued typing at lightening speed. “You almost done with that?”_

_Laurel looked at him, never letting up with the typing. “So NOT happening tonight, Frank. I have this case tomorrow that there is literally no way to win and this guy is going back to Guatemala.” Caring about her clients was what drew her to Immigration Law, but it was also the downside of it. Frank hated when he could see she was visibly upset by an outcome that was doomed from the very start._

_“Wasn’t askin’ for that,” Frank said. “You’ve just been up late past few nights workin’ on that and you seem tired. Don’t think you’re sleepin’ enough.” She’d fallen asleep on the couch after dinner while he was upstairs giving Claire a bath. Even after they finished and came downstairs to clean up the kitchen, she never woke up. That was about as unlike Laurel as things could get._

_“I love you,” she said. “I’m almost done, yes. Should sleep great. Unless Little Miss finds her way in here.”_

_“Maybe she’ll sleep all night.” One could dream. They never knew when Claire would decide she couldn’t sleep unless she was in their bed. It made the more intimate parts of their marriage interesting, but as Laurel pointed out, it just heightened their creativity. Usually, it was locking the door before and unlocking it immediately after. Gone were the days of cuddling in bed, enjoying the afterglow. It was finding articles of clothing on the floor or under the sheets and tossing them to one another as they redressed. Frank loved nothing more than being married and settled down, but it had its moments._

_“Going to bed early isn’t going to fix it,” Laurel said. He saw her reach over and get something off her nightstand before tossing it in his direction. “And there is why.”_

_At first, he didn’t know what it was. He reached between them where it landed on the bed and picked it up. Once he had it in his hand, it didn’t take him long to see what it was and exactly what she meant. He started a sentence at least ten times before he finally gave up and simply looked at the object in his hand as he remained silent._

_A positive pregnancy test._

_“Yeahhh…” Laurel said, reaching over to pat his leg. “I had the same reaction in the bathroom stall at the courthouse. I have a knack for finding out I’m pregnant in less than desirable locations.”_

_“What made you…”_

_“Take a test?” she finished for him. “I’m over a week late and have been exhausted. Like bone-tired. You know that is not me at all. I felt that way when I was pregnant with her at first, but I didn’t know if it was that or everything else going on around that time. I just wanted to be certain before I went out for lunch and downed a bottle of wine because of this damn case. No worries, I had water.”_

_“How,” he stammered. “I mean, we…”_

_“Are you seriously asking me that?” She closed her computer and put it away before gathering the file folders at the foot of the bed. “I’ll refresh your memory. Weekend trip to New York last month for our Anniversary. We went out, had dinner which included a few drinks, started getting a little hot and heavy in the elevator on the way up to our room. This coming back to you at all?”_

_Frank glared at her. She knew very well he remembered their trip to New York. “We discovered you’d forgotten condoms at the literal moment we needed one. THE literal moment. I said to you, in English, “Frank, I’m ovulating.”  You asked if I was sure. I reminded you that I track my cycles like I track all the crap I order online. I told you that we needed to hang out at third base until you could pick some up or you needed to pull out. You said, and I quote, “Fuck it.” Which you proceeded to do, multiple times, the entire weekend.”_

_Frank couldn’t deny all that had taken place. They were away from home, no chance of being interrupted, and he wasn’t about to halt everything to run out and buy condoms. He recalled rationalizing it in his head or rationalizing it as much as one could with their naked wife underneath them. He’d remembered that some couples tried for months to get pregnant and nothing happens. Most likely, he remembered thinking, that would be the case with them. It was one month, so what could it hurt? Now that he sat in bed holding the positive pregnancy test, he had his answer._

_She reached over and took the white stick out of his hand, dangling back and forth in front of his face, “The result of “Fuck it”, honey. Due to arrive in December.”_

_“Why didn’t you tell me to leave you alone?!” He knew he was being irrational. If she knew this was likely to happen, she could have shoved him off the bed and told him to go get condoms or take a cold shower. His choice. “How freakin’ fertile are you?!”_

_Laurel looked at him. “Really, Frank? Really?”_

_“Yeah,” he said. “Really.”_

_“I’ve never lied to you about the fact that if I had it my way, she wouldn’t be an only child,” she said. “I’ve also never lied to you when it was the time of the month we needed to be careful. Even though every month recently I admit struggling with that, I still told you because I respected your feelings." He knew everything she was saying was true. He also knew every time she saw babies that belonged to friends or colleagues or heard that someone else was pregnant that it stung. She never said that to him, but she didn’t have to._

_Frank sighed, starting to feel bad for what he’d said to her. “No, you didn’t. Lie to me, I mean.”_

_“I told you that night, Frank.” He could tell she was beginning to get upset. She’d been robbed of what should have been happy news with Claire, and he felt like a jackass for doing it to her again. “I admit not bringing it back up that weekend, but I told you.”_

_“I know,” Frank said sweetly. “I know you did. We’re just really good at makin’ babies, I guess.” He pulled her onto his lap and hugged her. He felt better when she rested her head on his shoulder. “I’m happy, k? I am. Just nervous ‘bout somethin’ happenin’ to you again. Couldn’t take care of Claire by myself.”_

_“Hey,” Laurel said, raising her head to look at him. “Yes, you could. Nothing is going to happen to me, but yes you could.”_

_Frank wasn’t going to argue, but he didn’t see any way possible he could raise their daughter without her. She had to be ok. He placed his hand on her flat stomach. It was hard to believe another part of them was in there growing and changing so rapidly, even when there was no outward sign and wouldn’t be for a while. “When in December?”_

_“Won’t know for sure until I go to the doctor,” Laurel explained. “Has to be the last few days of December, though.”_

_“Know what that means?” He smiled._

_Laurel leaned in, kissing him before wrapping her arms around him. “Christmas baby?”_

_Frank laughed. “Well, I was thinking more along the lines of a Tax Deduction, but…”_

_Laurel popped him in the shoulder. “Here I am trying to be sweet…”_

" _Never said I wouldn’t take a Christmas baby,” he reasoned. “Would still be a Tax Deduction.”_

 

He didn’t realize he’d fallen asleep until he woke to find Laurel and the baby gone. Claire was still fast asleep at his side. He very slowly extracted himself from her little arms and slipped out of bed to go find out where the other half of the Delfino family had gone.  
  
After checking the baby’s room and guest bedroom, Frank headed downstairs. He never pictured himself living in suburbia. He never saw the house with a backyard and neighbors they would actually get to know and interact with. Not long after they’d gotten married, Laurel wanted to look at a few houses in the suburbs. Next thing he knew they were making an offer and moving.  
  
He entered the living room, finding Laurel on the sofa as she fed the baby. He simply watched as she held the baby’s tiny hand in her own, never taking her eyes off the newborn. Only a Mother could go through all the pain he’d watched her go through to bring their second miracle into the world, and forget about it the second they placed the tiny, screaming baby on her chest. _  
_

Frank walked over to join them on the sofa, wrapping his arm around Laurel as she rested against him. “You feelin’ ok?” Their stay in the hospital had only lasted a little over thirty hours. Since the baby unexpectedly arrived the day before Christmas Eve, Laurel wasn’t about to stay another night despite Frank thinking she should and her OB recommending it. She was determined to get home and settled in so Claire’s Christmas wouldn’t be interrupted. By the time they left the hospital for home Frank could tell that labor, birth, and the rush of visitors had taken its toll on her.  
  
“Yeah,” she said. He didn’t believe her for a second, but he wasn’t going to argue. “Just forgot how much they want to eat in the beginning and how small the breaks they give you between are.” It was amazing just how much had been forgotten since Claire’s newborn days. Frank had forgotten just how tiny they were at first and how many clothes and diapers they went through. They’d been home less than a day and he was certain they’d already filled a laundry basket and gone through a pack of diapers.

Frank leaned down and kissed the tiny baby on the head. "Think I'm in love." Now that their second child was here, Frank couldn't imagine that he ever had those thoughts. The thought that their life was perfect and complete just the way it was, and that they didn't need anything else. He'd been wrong. 

Laurel smiled, "You? No way." 

He continued watching the newborn. Every little noise and movement made melting his heart instantly. "First Christmas and you don't even care. Long as you have Mommy and food...." 

"So much better than your sister's first Christmas," Laurel said to the baby. "Your Daddy and I were really stupid when she was a baby. Fortunately, you'll never know anything about that. He's stuck with us." 

Frank laughed as they shared a kiss, "It's a hard life." 

Christmas morning with a six-month-old Claire was nothing like it should have been. Laurel in one place and him in another. He knew the moment he met Laurel that he would never love anyone else for the rest of his life. So many things had tried to pull them apart, and many had succeeded. The memory of that first Christmas was one he'd never allow himself to forget so it would never happen again. 

He noticed the obvious discomfort Laurel was in as she rearranged herself to a more comfortable position on the couch. “Are you taking Claire to your parents' house later today? I haven’t even asked your Mom when she was planning on everyone coming over. I thought I’d feel up to going, but I think you’re going to have to fly solo with her and let us stay here.”

Frank nodded. “They’re doin’ lunch. I can take her, or we can skip the family thing, and Ma and Dad can come this afternoon with presents and leftovers. Up to you.”  
  
“You think they would be ok with that?” His parents would be ok with whatever arrangement they were given. The only thing they cared about was seeing their two youngest grandchildren. “I just hate the thought of you going with her and us being here. I’d rather all of us stay here than be separated today.”  
  
“Laurel,” Frank said. “You know they’ll do whatever. Ma knew you probably wouldn’t feel up to comin’. You had a baby day before yesterday. Cut yourself some slack.”  
  
He knew she wouldn’t, that was just Laurel. She was a perfectionist and it only got worse as she got older. Frank chalked it up to never having perfect holidays growing up and wanting different for their children. He’d been ecstatic at the thought of Claire’s sibling arriving just in time for Christmas. Laurel had been upset and convinced Claire would be scarred for life. It was something he knew she would struggle with for years to come despite him trying his hardest to make her see that Claire was rarely unhappy about anything.

“I’ll call Ma first thing,” he told her. “When you want me to bring all the Santa stuff out?”  
  
“You think she’s out for the night?”  
  
Frank looked at her, “When we ever know if she’s out for the night? I’ll close the baby gate so she can’t come downstairs without callin’ for one of us, that work? Open it once all the evidence is taken care of?”   
  
“Yeah,” Laurel said. “I only have one thing hidden upstairs and it’s wrapped in the guest room closet. If you can get that without waking her up, everything else is in the garage.” She sighed as she unsuccessfully tried to wake the newborn that had fallen asleep and stopped eating. “Can you hand me a baby wipe?”  
  
Frank leaned forward and grabbed a baby wipe from the package on the coffee table. “What you doin’ with…” His question answered as she touched the cold wipe to their newborn’s face and neck, startling the baby awake and setting off a meltdown.  
  
“Mommy’s not trying to be mean to you,” Laurel said sweetly. “It’s just I’m really tired, and we’re not going to stay up all night while you run on snacks. Your sister did that, and unfortunately for you, I know a little more this time around.” The baby calmed and started sucking once again almost as if the realization hit that there was no outsmarting this Mom person.  
  
Frank laughed. “Woulda never did that to Claire. Probably thought touchin’ her with a cold wipe would hurt her or somethin’.”

“I know, right?” Laurel smiled. “There isn’t much your sister hasn’t put us through, so good luck.”

 

_Complete awe was the only way Frank could describe his feelings as he sat next to Laurel's bed and took in everything about the tiny person on her chest. He gently lifted the blanket to get a better look and was greeted by the sweetest sound of crying as the newborn protested being uncovered even the slightest bit. “I know,” Laurel cooed to the crying baby. “That was rough, huh?”_  
  
_He laughed as he wiped a few tears away that had fallen before he even realized. He continued stroking Laurel’s hair as he sat next to her completely mesmerized by the sight of their new baby. They were both alive and well in front of him, and that is the only thing that mattered. He kissed Laurel on the cheek as he leaned in closer to get a better look._  
  
_“She looks just like Claire did,” Laurel said. She kissed the baby on the head, smiling as the little one blinked her eyes open and tried to adjust to the bright world. “Hey, Beautiful,” Laurel said sweetly. ”We thought you were a boy." The baby kept her little eyes open as if she was listening to every word Laurel said. "Yeah, we did. We know what to do with little girls at our house, so you fit in perfectly."_  
  
_“She does,” Frank smiled. “Got your hair color. What little we’re workin’ with there. Claire barely had any too, ‘member?” As much hair as he and Laurel had between them some would say it was ironic that both their children had been born with the tiniest amounts. Claire still had the same color he did, but what he saw on their new baby was identical to Laurel’s._  
  
_Frank leaned forward and kissed the baby. He didn’t have words for what he felt the instant he saw her. For so long he’d been convinced he couldn’t love another child the same way he loved Claire. He’d been wrong. The little one he couldn’t stop looking at already had his whole heart. He had no idea how they both had his entire heart, but it happened._

_Laurel looked at him, smiling through her tears, “What are you gonna do with two little girls?” They had been so certain their second baby was a boy. Laurel’s pregnancy had been vastly different from her pregnancy with Claire, so the only explanation for it was the baby had to be the opposite sex. They chose to wait until birth to find out for sure, but both had been convinced a baby boy was going to pop out. There was a part of him that thought he’d be disappointed if they were wrong - their baby girl was minutes old and already Frank couldn’t imagine life without her._  
  
_“Got no idea,” Frank smiled. “She’s already got me, I know that.”_  
  
_Laurel laughed through happy tears, “I knew that. You can’t help it.”_  
  
_He’d always known Laurel was strong. The things he’d witnessed her survive and overcome in the time he’d known her was more than most could make it through. Frank knew without a doubt it was more than he could survive. “How long had you been hurtin’?” He asked, leaning in to give her another kiss. “Never said a word.”_  
  
_“I’d been uncomfortable all day,” Laurel admitted. “But I was nine months pregnant and in court all day on my feet, so what else should I have been? I talked to Michaela at lunch and she told me I was in labor, but I told her she was crazy. I'll never hear the end of it.” He hadn’t noticed any obvious signs that something more was going on. He’d never tell her she’d been snappier than usual, but he chalked that up to her being thirty-nine weeks pregnant during the busiest time of the year. He had no idea she’d most likely been in labor the majority of the day._  
  
_Frank was sound asleep when Laurel woke him to let him know she was having contractions and needed to go to the hospital. It was a few hours_ _after midnight two days before Christmas and four before their scheduled c-section. The c-section they’d planned all along to happen two days after Christmas. When he'd planned to take off work, Laurel's Mom planned to come into town, and everything else was ready for the new baby. Not two days before Christmas. As she stood next to his side of the bed, he would have never guessed by looking at her that they’d be parents to two in just under two hours. The possibility that it was a false alarm and they’d send her back home to rest even crossed his mind in those first few minutes._  
  
_He managed to pull himself out of bed, throw jeans and a shirt on, and call his Mom so she could come over to stay with Claire. As soon as he knew she was on the way, he got their bags and the car seat in the car while Laurel seemed to be managing whatever pain she was experiencing without too much difficulty. She wouldn’t sit down, saying walking felt better, and when a contraction came she had to stop and hold onto whatever piece of furniture she was closest to. Still, she was in total control and Frank wasn’t convinced it was the real deal._

_She’d snapped at him when he put a garbage bag and some towels in the passenger seat of their new SUV just in case. She could complain all she wanted, but he’d brag on himself for making that decision long as he lived. Her water had broken on the way to the hospital, and while it wasn’t the tidal wave he expected, it would have done a number on the seat. It was the first time since he’d been woken up that he realized they were definitely having a baby and wouldn’t be back home in a couple of hours. With that came more contractions, pain so intense that her control flew right out the window, and the urge to push hit her like a ton of bricks. His calm, silent Laurel disappeared. He remembered a switch flipping after her water broke during labor with Claire, but not to the extent he witnessed this time around._

_Frank had experienced some tense rides around Philadelphia, but Laurel screaming at him to drive faster while he told her she better not, under any circumstances, push was the car ride that beat all. He had no idea how fast he was going as he drove with one hand since she had complete possession of the other and wasn’t letting go._  
  
_It was a story they’d tell for years to come. Laurel suffering through one contraction after another as he drove at whatever illegal speed down the road. The two of them arguing, and not always in English on her part, with one another the entire way. Laurel insisting she was going to have the baby any second and if he loved her he’d pull over and just let her have the baby; then continue to the hospital. Frank telling her if she loved him she’d keep the newest Delfino in until they got to the hospital because he’d done a lot of shit in his day, but delivering a baby wasn’t one of them._  
  
_She’d screamed at him, she’d cried, she’d begged, and through it all, he felt completely helpless. His job was to get them safely to the hospital before anything happened so medical professionals would be there should complications arise. As excruciating as it was seeing her in that much pain, Frank put his feelings aside and managed to get her to the hospital still pregnant._  
  
_About fifteen minutes after arriving in the Labor & Delivery Unit, and before Laurel’s Obstetrician could make it to the hospital, Laurel pushed three times and they were suddenly parents of two. There had been no time for the c-section they’d planned for months. Before that moment, Frank thought he would care that an unknown male Obstetrician who didn’t look a day older than Laurel walked in to handle things until their normal OB could arrive. He thought he’d care that the unknown guy had a front row seat to parts of his wife no one should see except him. After all was said and done, he could have hugged the guy._  
  
_Frank allowed Laurel to squeeze the feeling out of his hand as she brought their second child into the world. She made it seem effortless even though she’d later tell him she thought she was going to die. The second the little one was out, Frank watched as the screaming baby was placed directly on Laurel’s chest and covered with a warm blanket. He rested his head against Laurel’s as she cried tears of relief and happiness. It was then he realized he was doing the same, but had no idea at what point it started. He watched the tiny baby calm down instantly upon being close to Laurel and hearing her voice. The unknown OB that Frank would forever be grateful for, allowed him to cut the umbilical cord as the nurses fussed over Laurel and the baby, making certain vital signs were stable. It had been different as night and day from Claire’s birth._  
  
_“I just need to do a very small repair, Laurel,” her OB said from her place at the end of the bed. “So sorry I didn’t make it! The nurse called and said you were here but told me there was no way I would make it so to come quickly, but not wreck in the process. I’m impressed you didn’t have that baby on the way.”_  
  
_“I caught hell for it,” Frank laughed. “Think she was so focused on arguin’ with me that it took her mind off it.”_  
  
_“Knowing the two of you,” the OB laughed. “I do not doubt that. Ok, Laurel, you’ll feel a needle stick as I numb you. Just focus on that sweet baby girl.” This was a part of childbirth Frank had no knowledge of, nor did he want any._

_Frank saw Laurel wince, but never take her eyes off their new daughter. She was as lost in the tiny girl as he was. She kissed the baby again and ran her finger over her little cheek, “You’re thankful your Daddy kept you from being born in the floorboard of the car in December when there is snow on the ground outside, aren’t you? You would have been frozen.”_  
  
_He laughed out loud. “That was all you, babe. I just drove.”_  
  
_“She didn’t want to wait until after Christmas,” the OB said. “What was birth time?”_  
  
_“A quarter till Five,” a nurse replied._  
  
_“Everything in the middle of the night,” Frank said. “Always. That’s when the best stuff happens in our house. Sickness, family emergencies, work emergencies, you decide to have a baby…”_  
  
_“Did you finish up at work, Laurel?” The OB asked. Frank could tell she was trying to distract Laurel from what she was doing as it was obvious Laurel was in some pain. “Turn all your cases over or however you handle it? I know nothing of the legal profession.”_  
  
_“I’ve been transitioning my cases to other associates for several weeks now,” Laurel replied. “I stopped taking on new stuff about a month ago. Claire came three weeks early, so I didn’t want to take any chances. My last day was actually today. I was in court all day yesterday. I’d planned to give them a final rundown this morning, but I’ll call them later.”_  
  
_“Nope,” Frank said quickly. “Next three months only case you got to worry 'bout is this one here and the one at home.” He knew it would be a struggle keeping Laurel from trying to work while on maternity leave, but he wasn’t going to back down._  
  
_Laurel sighed. “I told you the first month I wasn’t even checking e-mail. If they have an emergency they can call. I am going to be bored to tears sitting home all day. You’ll be at work, Claire goes to Preschool three days a week…”_  
  
_Her doctor laughed, “The fact you think that lets me know you are a brand new Mom of two. Just wait. You will be many things with a newborn and a three-year-old, but bored won’t be one of them.”_  
  
_“You’re not gonna be bored,” Frank told her. “Cause when this one is sleepin’, Claire Bear is gonna be awake and goin’ at full speed. When she’s sleepin’, this one is gonna be awake and screamin’ cause she’s hungry or somethin’. Not gonna be bored.”_  
  
_“Maybe not,” Laurel replied. “I think I’ve forgotten how it is living with a newborn.”_  
  
_“Know I have,” Frank said. He knew they were about to be reminded quickly. He smiled as he saw the baby start sucking on her little fist. He knew he was in trouble when even something as normal as that melted his heart._  
  
_“Are you hungry?” Laurel said to the baby. “It’s almost time we’d be eating breakfast, isn’t it? You’re probably wondering where our yogurt and granola is. Or our donuts because people brought them in every single day at the office.” She kissed the baby’s little head. "I start out healthy every day and then I go to work."_  
  
_“Now you're speakin' our language. Tell her you're a Delfino. You don't know anything 'bout granola_ _,” Frank smiled. “Probably wonderin’ where the orange juice is too. That’s what always got her goin’.” He helped Laurel move the baby to a more comfortable position._  
  
_“Please, please do not be like your drama queen sister when it comes to this,” Laurel said. “Every time she ate for the first couple weeks it was a huge ordeal.” They held their breath as the baby started rooting around before latching on perfectly._  
  
_“Knows what she’s doin’,” Frank smiled. He leaned down and kissed the baby who never stopped eating no matter what they did to her. “Gonna be Daddy’s Girl too, aren't you?”_  
  
_“No,” Laurel laughed. “You already have Claire. This one is mine.”_  
  
_“We’ll let her think that,” Frank whispered to the baby. He couldn’t stop looking at her. She was as perfect as Claire had been the first time he saw her. Completely and utterly in love was the only way he could describe what he felt for her. Frank found it unbelievable he’d ever worried about not having room in his heart for another child. “Know what this means,” he said. “We ever had a boy he’d look just like you.”_  
  
_Laurel looked at him as if he’d lost his mind, “This is it, buddy. You have a wife and two daughters - that’s your fate.”_

_Frank laughed, leaning in to kiss her. “I can live with it.”_

 

“Sure she isn’t too young for this?” Frank asked as he put the final touches on Claire’s first bicycle. She had to be too young. There was no way his baby girl was old enough to have a bicycle.  
  
“Honey, she’ll be four in less than six months,” Laurel said. “I know you’re in denial about that, but it’s the reality of the situation.”  
  
She had grown too fast. It seemed like yesterday she was the size of the newborn in Laurel’s arms. Every single day she became less of a baby and more of a little girl. A little girl who was bilingual, could write her first name, and would be old enough for Pre-K in less than a year. She was growing at lightning speed while he was trying to slow time down and soak up every single second with her.  
  
“You’re gonna have to play assistant this morning,” Laurel told him. “If I tried to sit on the floor with her you’d be calling an ambulance.”  
  
Frank laughed. “Think I can handle it. You know, that pain medicine we picked up on the way home yesterday was for a reason…” It was pointless to argue with her, but he still tried.  
  
“You know it makes me sleepy,” Laurel replied. “I also don't know how much if it transfers to her and that freaks me out. I’m not really sure why I was dreading another c-section so much. There are just some places stitches should never go, Frank,” she rambled on. “We may never have sex again. I’m just shooting it to you straight early on.”  
  
Frank laughed, “I’d expect nothin’ less. And you won’t hear me buggin’ you 'bout the other,” he said truthfully. “Saw what you went through. You just let me know if I can ever be of service to you again.” He'd gained a whole new level of respect for women after that experience.   
  
“Will do,” she smiled. “Also, I will break any camera that is shoved in my face today. I gave birth two days ago, I look like I had a boob job, I’m wearing pajamas, I still feel swollen all over, and I’m not putting the first bit of makeup on. Merry Christmas.”  
  
Frank shook his head. She would never see herself the way he did. No matter if she was dressed, hair done, and makeup on or if she was standing in front of him in pajamas holding their newborn completely exhausted - she was beautiful. “It’s her first Christmas. Know you gotta be in pictures, Laurel.”  
  
“I know that,” she replied. “I agree to a few just so they’ll know I was around for this particular holiday.”  
  
They heard a door open upstairs and knew any second a very excited little girl would be bounding down the stairs to see what Santa brought her. Laurel walked over and slowly sat down on the couch as Frank put all incriminating evidence away. “Frank,” she whispered. “You’re supposed to leave at least a crumb or something on the cookie plate. Make it look like Santa took a bite.”  
  
“Santa was hungry,” he popped back. "Had half a beer though. Thought that milk you two left out might be sketchy." 

Laurel rolled her eyes and shushed him.   
  
“Mommy!!!!” They heard coming from the staircase. The little girl hopped down off the bottom step and ran straight to Laurel.  
  
“Hey, baby,” Laurel said hugging Claire with one arm while holding the baby in the other. “You see who stopped by last night?” It fell on deaf ears as Claire honed in on the newborn. She kissed the baby on the head and took hold of her tiny hands.   
  
“Wake up!” She said to the baby who continued to sleep completely unphased by the demands of her older sister. “Santa came to our house!” She touched the baby's foot and laughed when the newborn immediately pulled it away. "Why won't her wake up?"  
  
“Remember I told you she'd be really sleepy at first and not do very much? She needs lots of sleep so she'll grow! You can help her open her presents later,” Laurel told her. “Go sit with Daddy so you can open all of your presents!” The little girl climbed up on the sofa and sat next to Laurel, holding her arm.  
  
“Want you to help me,” she whined. They’d witnessed a tinge of jealousy with Claire where the new baby was concerned, but for the most part, the new member had been well received.  
  
Laurel looked over at Frank. “Baby, I can’t sit down on the floor with you.”  
  
“But why?” She asked in true three-year-old fashion.  
  
“Cause Mommy just had a baby,” Laurel explained. “And I’m still not feeling that well, so Daddy is going to help you.”  
  
“You tummy hurt?” Frank didn’t know why Laurel hadn’t prepared to play twenty questions. They were interrogated by the preschooler about every situation. When she finished asking Laurel all the questions she could think of, it would be his turn. Three years old and already knew how to cross-examine better than most seasoned lawyers.  
  
Laurel smiled. “Yeah, my tummy still hurts.”  
  
“Gettin’ lonely over here,” Frank said. “Thought I was gonna get to help open all this fun stuff, but I see you don’t want me to play.”  
  
“Daddy,” Claire said. She hopped off the couch and ran to him, jumping into his arms as he caught her. She wrapped her little arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. She knew exactly how to make him completely useless. “You funny, Daddy. You can pway wif me but ONLY me, otay?”  
  
Frank smiled, looking over at Laurel to see if she’d caught the latest Claire issued order. He had to stop himself from laughing when he saw Laurel mouth the word “jealous” to him. “Only you, Claire Bear. All yours!”

 

_Frank was no stranger to pissing women off. For most of his life, he seemed to have a knack for it. The past few years had proven his skills somewhat rusty, but his newborn daughter was letting him know loud and clear that he still had those abilities even if they’d been tucked away for a while._

_"You ever heard such?” Frank said as he finished cleaning the newborn up. Just like her big sister, she had no problem at all letting them know when she wasn’t happy about something. Frank grabbed the clean diaper next to him and quickly slid it under the baby. “Really?”_

_“I told you she probably wasn’t done,” Laurel said trying her hardest not to laugh._

_“Daddy’s hand is a better place for it, I know,” Frank said. He put the diaper in the correct place so the baby could finish before grabbing some wipes to clean his hand. “See,” he said to the baby. “That might’ve worked for your sister, but you’re outta luck. We’ve had every bodily fluid you’re capable of on us.”_

_Parenthood had been the biggest learning experience of his almost forty years. Just when he felt like they might have a handle on it another curve ball came. “Poop is nothin’,” Frank told the newborn. She’d just settled down before he grabbed a few more wipes and went back to cleaning her up. A new round of screaming started up immediately. “You got that Castillo temper. Can see that already!”_

_He heard his phone alert him of a text and knew it was most likely his Mom letting them know they were downstairs and on their way up. “You get that? If it’s my girlfriend just let her know we had the baby and she’s gonna have to lay low for a while.”_

_Laurel rolled her eyes as she entered the passcode to unlock his phone. “It’s your Mom. They’re on their way up. This will probably go better if you give her to me.”_

"Y _ou got no idea what’s headed your way,” Frank said to the baby. He lifted the tiny girl from her place next to him on the couch and kissed her little face as he stood to hand her to Laurel. He simply stared at her before handing her over. “Damn, we didn’t know what we were missin’.”_

_"I know,” Laurel smiled. She took the tiny baby from him and got her swaddled back up in her blanket. “I have heard so many times from I don’t know how many people that you just know when your family is complete and I never had that feeling after Claire. The second I saw her,” she said looking down at the sleeping baby in her arms._

__"Me too,” he agreed. “Didn’t realize I felt that way till I saw her.” It was like he had stumbled upon the missing piece to a puzzle he hadn’t even been working on. Frank had been so certain that Claire was the only child they _were supposed_ to have that he completely missed the tiny girl in Laurel’s arms was exactly what they’d needed all along. _ _

_They heard a knock on the door before Frank spotted Claire running to him fast as her little legs would carry her. “Daddy!!!!!”_

_He leaned down and caught her as she jumped in his arms. She giggled as he kissed her little face. “See what Mommy has,” he whispered. The little girl looked uncertain as she watched Laurel and the baby with curious eyes. He walked closer to the bed so she could see her sibling better. “Look at that…”_

_Laurel smiled up at their little girl. “You want to see what you have? A brother or sister?” The little girl nodded her head as she reached out for Laurel._

_“Let’s get this coat and those boots off first,” his Mom said. She quickly removed Claire’s boots and helped Frank get her coat off as he continued holding her. “Tell your Mommy and Daddy who came over to play with you in the snow this morning!”_

_“Gabe and Lucas,” Claire told them. There were eight and six years age difference between Claire and his nephews, but the boys were crazy about her and allowed her to order them around when she wanted._

" _Built a snowman,” Frank’s Dad said._

_“Did they?” Laurel smiled. “Did you have fun?”_

_Claire nodded her little head, still not sure what to make of the new baby in Laurel’s arms._

_Frank’s Mom made her way over to Laurel, “How are you feeling? You look great! May not feel great, but you look great!” She said as she hugged her. Compared to how pale and weak she was after Claire’s birth, she looked as if she didn’t go through childbirth less than twelve hours earlier. Frank knew she had gone through more pain than he would ever experience in his life, but he would take this experience over their experience when Claire was born any day._

_“I’m good,” Laurel said. “I feel so much better than I did after her.”_

_Frank walked over and put Claire on the bed next to Laurel. She moved the baby closer so Claire could get a better look. “You remember what we talked about?” Laurel’s question went ignored as the three-year-old was mesmerized by the sleeping baby in her arms. “You remember we said pink was for girls and what color for boys?”_

_“Blue!” Claire answered._

__"You ready to tell _Nonna_ and _Nonno_ if you have a brother or sister?” Frank held her as she leaned into Laurel’s side to get as close as she could to the baby. “Pull the blanket back” Laurel instructed. She took Claire’s hand and helped her uncover the baby. The second the little girl saw a color she put her little hand over her mouth. “You gonna tell them?” _ _

_“IT’S A SISTER, NONNA!” She exclaimed. Frank laughed as little hands touched all over the newborn before she leaned over to kiss her on the head. Claire had requested a sister from the moment she understood there was a baby growing in Laurel’s stomach. They’d spent countless hours trying to explain to her that just because she wanted it to be a girl didn’t mean it would be._

_“Another girl!” His Mom said as she started crying. “We just knew it was a boy! Oh, let me see her!!” His Mom was impossible enough with one granddaughter. She’d be out of control with two._

" _I wanna hold her, Mommy,” Claire said._

_Frank sat down on Laurel’s bed and pulled Claire onto his lap. He carefully took the newborn in his arms, supporting her tiny body as Claire cradled her little arms around the baby. “You were this little once,” he explained. “Know it?”_

" _I was?”_

_Frank kissed Claire’s little head as he continued helping her hold her new baby sister. “You were actually a little smaller than her.”_

_His Mom stood nearby taking pictures, “She looks like you did too, Claire. Her hair is darker, but it's still like looking at Baby Claire.”_

_Laurel smiled, “Frank and I said the same thing.”_

_Frank saw his Dad roll closer so he could get a better look. “What the hell we callin’ this one? You two better have a name. Had nine whole months!”_

_Frank looked at Laurel, giving her permission to tell them. As with Claire, Laurel had picked the name. This time she’d wanted his opinion, but he left it up to her. He hadn’t been completely sold when she told him the name, but there was no use in trying to argue. Laurel took one look at her and declared the name she'd chosen was perfect._

_“Ava Francis,” Laurel said. He liked Ava, just not the idea of her being named after him. He’d never feel worthy of sharing a name with the perfect little girl in his arms. Laurel had informed him it was going to be the baby’s middle name no matter if they had a boy or girl._

_As expected, his Mom immediately started in with another round of tears. “Named after her Daddy. I love it. Ava goes so well with Claire.” She reached out to touch the sleeping baby. “I can’t believe we’re all even now. Two boys and two girls.”_

" _Less these two have us another one,” his Dad replied._

_“You’re even,” Laurel laughed. “Trust me on that. The tiebreaker won’t come from us.”_

 

Christmas night turned out to be busier than originally planned in the Delfino house. His parents had come over to bring their gifts and so much leftover food that Frank had no idea how the hell they’d carted it all across town. The first round of company had left and the second was about to begin.  
  
He looked up from his place on the living room floor where he was assembling yet another toy of Claire’s when he saw the little girl run through the living room toward their foyer. “Claire,” Laurel called from her place on the couch where she was feeding a hungry baby. “Do not open that door. You let Daddy open the door.”  
  
Frank stood and made his way to the front door where Claire was hopping up and down. “Don’t even know why you two knock anymore.” He took Claire by the hand and moved her out of the way so the couple could get inside.  
  
“UNCA ASH!!!!” The universe had done it to him; Frank would always believe that. Out of everyone, Asher was Claire’s favorite person. She had been obsessed with him since infancy. The guy he’d called Doucheface for years turned out to be his daughter’s favorite person.  
  
“Claire Bear!!!” Asher said as he followed Michaela into the living room. “Let me put little man down and then I wanna see what Santa brought you! He stopped by our house too!”  
  
“He did?!” The little girl asked wide-eyed.  
  
“Sure did,” Asher replied. “Only he didn’t leave near as much cool stuff as he did you!”  
  
Four months earlier, Michaela and Asher had joined them in the Adventure of Parenthood when they welcomed a son, Pierson William Millstone, into the world. Frank would never get used to seeing them as parents. It was about as weird as realizing he and Laurel were responsible for two little people.  
  
“How are you feeling?” Michaela asked Laurel as she got the four-month-old boy out of his carrier. “And don’t say fine. Sleep deprivation has made me forget a little about how it was the first few days after he was born, but I haven’t forgotten it all.”  
  
“I feel like I had a baby two days ago,” Laurel replied. “I’ll spare you the details.” She smiled at the baby boy in Michaela’s lap. “How’s my boy?” The baby grinned and cooed back at her as she talked to him. “Yeah, how’s my favorite boy?”  
  
Michaela started crying as she looked at the newborn baby girl. “She’s….oh my God, I love her!!! Stupid video calls didn’t even do her justice!” They’d been out of town the day the baby was born else Frank knew Michaela would have beat them to the hospital. “Laurel….”  
  
“Stop it,” Laurel said. “You’re going to get me started and I cry at least once an hour.” It was true. Frank didn’t know who cried more in the days following Ava’s birth. The newborn or Laurel. When Claire was thrown into the mix after having one of her tantrums, he didn’t know how he would survive in a house full of women.  
  
Frank felt Asher tap him on the shoulder, “You gonna start the wedding fund or am I? Cause you know it’s happening, bro.”  
  
He glared at the guy standing next to him.  
  
“Hey,” Asher said. “I’m just trying to get a head start on things. We can always go in halfsies…” Frank shook his head and went back to building whatever toy Claire had demanded he put together for her.  
  
“Asher, don’t cause Frank to have a stroke,” Michaela said.  
  
“You got Lala’s blessing, Pierson,” Asher said. “Frankie D will come around.”

"Really?" Laurel said as she looked at Asher. “Could we not come up with something better for him to call us than Frankie D and Lala?”  
  
“Nope,” Michaela smiled. She leaned closer to Laurel and lifted the thin blanket to get a better look at the baby as she continued to eat. “We’re CaeCae and Ash, so I’m sorry, but those names are final.”  
  
“Claire,” Laurel said. The three-year-old had climbed on Frank’s back and taken a seat on his shoulders as he worked on her toy from his place on the floor. He continued assembling the toy completely unphased by the three-year-old on his shoulders. “Can you please get down from Daddy's shoulders? You can sit on his lap or next to him, but not on his shoulders. I’m not making a trip to the Emergency Room on Christmas because you fell back and cracked your head open.”  
  
“What the Mergency Woom?” Claire asked.

“Somewhere you don’t want to go,” Laurel told her. “I’m not asking you again. Get down, please.” Frank felt the little girl grab his head as she struggled to get herself down. He reached up and helped her down. The second her little feet hit the floor she was bounding off in another direction.  
  
Michaela laughed, “It’s kind of nice when they aren’t mobile.” She gently bounced Pierson on her lap as he tried to chew on her finger.  
  
“You have no idea,” Laurel said. “It’s all day. I bet she covers ten miles running around this room alone.”  
  
Frank laughed. “Maternity leave hasn’t even technically started yet, by the way.” He had no idea how she was going to make it the next three months stuck in the house with Claire and a newborn. She was the best Mom, but she needed her work.  
  
“How long are you off?” Michaela asked.  
  
“Twelve weeks,” Laurel said. “I know it will fly by and I’ll be just as emotional about leaving her as I was Claire, but I also need work to keep my sanity.”  
  
“I totally understand,” she replied. “I only got six with him, but I don’t work for a guy that literally treats me like a surrogate granddaughter.”  
  
“He’ll probably think she’s overdoin’ it by comin’ back when she does. His wife has already called tellin' us what night she's bringin' dinner,” Frank said. Laurel’s boss was old, but he thought the world of her and not in a creepy way. In a genuine, always watching out for her, way. She hated it, but Frank was thankful she had a boss that honestly wanted her to succeed and gave her the freedom to do so.  
  
Claire bounced over to the sofa where the women sat with the babies. She immediately went to Pierson and kissed his little cheek. She laughed when the baby grinned back at her. “Guess what CaeCae,” she said to Michaela.  
  
“What, pretty girl?” Michaela pulled her close, holding her as she waited for whatever the three-year-old was going to tell her.  
  
“My Mommy,” she started. “Her feeds Baby Ava wif her BOOB!” With that, she broke into a fit of giggles.  
  
“Thank you, Claire,” Laurel said.  
  
Frank tried hard not to laugh but couldn’t help it. “Just wait till you guys live with a real live member of the Peanut Gallery. It’s great.”  
  
“Oh, I can’t wait,” Michaela said. “Considering half his DNA came from Asher.”  
  
Claire took Pierson’s small hands in her own and started making faces at him. The biggest grin spread across the baby boy’s face. “He wikes me,” Claire observed.  
  
“He does like you,” Michaela agreed. “How was the first night home?”  
  
“Eh,” Laurel said. “She’s not the best sleeper, but she’s so sweet. Not that Claire wasn’t, but we had no idea what we were doing with her.” Frank remembered Claire’s first few days and had no idea how they’d survived. Life had been different in so many ways.  
  
Claire climbed up on the sofa between Laurel and Michaela. “I wanna hold her, Mommy.”  
  
“She’s eating,” Laurel explained. The three-year-old wrapped her little arms around Laurel's neck as she watched the baby eat. Laurel kissed her cheek, “I love you.”  
  
“Do you help Mommy with the new baby, Claire?” Michaela, always helpful, tried to distract the little girl.  
  
“Yes, I do,” Claire replied. “Know what?”  
  
“What’s that?”  
  
“I helped Daddy change a BAD diaper,” she explained. Frank was shaking his head in disagreement as Michaela looked over at him and smiled.  
  
“Did you?” Michaela smiled. “We could use you around our house. Uncle Ash always needs help with bad diapers.”  
  
Laurel smiled, “I think offered commentary throughout the process is the term I’d use. Not helped.” She sat the baby up as she finished eating and attempted to burp her. Claire immediately started patting Ava’s little back along with Laurel.  
  
“Look at you, bright eyes!” Michaela cooed. “You know I think you’re beautiful, Laurel, but your genes aren’t very strong. Not mixed with his anyway!” She reached out and took hold of the newborn’s hand. “No, they aren’t! You look just like your Daddy and sister!”  
  
Laurel laughed in response, “You want her?

“Yes, please!” Michaela said immediately. “Asher, come get him.”  
  
“I can take him,” Laurel said as she handed Ava in Michaela’s direction.  
  
“He is too heavy for you right now! You just had a baby!”  
  
Laurel shot Michaela a look, “Let me have him.” She took Pierson in her arms and settled him on her lap. “I thought you were tiny until we had a newborn around again.” The baby boy smiled up at her and patted her face with his chubby hand.  
  
“I know,” Michaela said. “She’s so teeny! It makes me miss his newborn days.”  
  
Pierson cooed at Laurel and smiled as she talked to him. “You’re Aunt Laurel’s boy, aren’t you?”  
  
“Lala, Pierson,” Michaela said. “It’s Lala.”  
  
“We won’t tell Uncle Con that you like me better than him,” she continued.  
  
Claire wrapped her little arms around Pierson and tried to pull him toward her. “Hold on,” Laurel said sweetly. She gently sat the baby boy in Claire’s lap and helped her hold him. She giggled when the baby boy turned to look at her and smiled.  
  
“Ok,” Asher said. “Picture time. Don’t start, Laurel, I’m just going ahead and saying it for my wife.” He stood in front of them with his phone in hand. “Best friends and Babies…”  
  
“I a big girl,” Claire told him immediately.  
  
“Right,” Asher said. “My apologies, Big Girl. Best friends, babies, and the big girl. Look this way!” He took several pictures of the group before passing the phone to Michaela for approval. “Crazy, isn’t it? Like the three of us started law school together and barely spoke. Laurel was nice, but you.....”

Laurel laughed. "She was something, wasn't she?"  
  
“Whatever,” Michaela said. “What was I again?”  
  
“Prom Queen,” Frank piped up. “And you know who you are, Millstone. Don’t make me say it in front of my three-year-old.”  
  
“Did Laurel even have a nickname?” Asher asked. “Probably not, I mean, you zeroed in on her day one, am I right?”  
  
“I was the wallflower.”  
  
“She was Frank’s Girl.”

The two answers came simultaneously. Frank had honestly forgotten about the name Annalise used for Laurel for so long. She was just another one of his conquests as far as she and Bonnie saw for the longest time. _Frank’s Girl_.  
  
It had been a long road full of extreme highs and lows. The first time he saw Laurel he had no idea the impact she would make on his life. He had no idea in just a few years he would be a completely different man who lived every day with only one goal in mind - to be worthy of the three girls he loved most in the world.  
  
“That’s right,” Laurel said. “Forgot they called me that. Who knew, honey,” she smiled at him. “You didn’t realize when you picked your Frank’s Girl that year you’d end up with Frank’s Girls.”  
  
He looked up at her from his place on the floor and smiled. It had been over five years, countless fights, so many tears, broken hearts, just as many makeups, blindly leading one another through first-time parenthood, marriage, and now welcoming their second baby girl. Through it all the only constant was their love for one another - even on the worst of days. One look at her still moved him just as much as it had the first time he saw her. “Yeah, picked right that time.”


End file.
